Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 4: Releasing mutual tensions
• Part 2 of 4: Dealing with jealousy
• Part 3 of 4: Getting the help of a parent
• Part 4 of 4: Establishing boundaries between you and your brother
• Tips
• Warnings

A brother can be a lifelong friend, but at some point you and your brother can become at odds with each other. It's important to handle issues with brothers in a calm and rational way, because reacting negatively to the other person only adds fuel to the fire. If you learn how to stop your brother from being annoying, you can also learn to get along better and develop a stronger relationship.

To step

Part 1 of 4: Releasing mutual tensions

1. Ignore your brother instead of responding. If your brother is being difficult, you may have to ignore him temporarily. This isn't a very effective strategy for long-term sibling relationships, but if you want to avoid getting into a rage, it's best to ignore it for a while.
   • Not responding is not a sign of weakness. On the contrary, it takes more strength and willpower to resist provocations from others than to respond to them.
   • Do not forget that you have to determine for yourself what you will or will not respond to. It's hard to go into that every time your brother annoys you, especially if he's not very communicative.
   • If you don't respond to your brother the way he hopes you will (like getting upset or irritated), he will eventually tire of it and give up.
2. If you do respond, stay calm. If your brother is irritating you, you may be tempted to lash out at him in anger or respond in an annoying way yourself. But reactions like that will only make things worse. Whenever you feel the urge to respond with harsh words or annoying behavior, remember that if you are calm and collected, your brother is more likely to stop his annoying behavior than if you get angry.
   • Take a deep breath and let it out slowly. Keep your focus on your breathing pattern to settle down quickly.
   • Try to count to 10 before responding. Take a deep breath in and out during those 10 seconds, and try to think about how you can express yourself calmly and rationally.
   • Take a short walk or leave the room for a few minutes if you need more than 10 seconds. Let your brother know you'll be right back and think about what you want to say and how best to say it.
3. Compromise with your brother. Whenever you can negotiate a peaceful solution with your brother, try to do it. Sometimes that can mean compromising on some aspect of the situation, or even putting your brother's needs ahead of yours for a short period of time. Ultimately, however, this will help de-escalate the situation and prevent future conflicts.
   • Ask your brother directly what he wants.
   • Show that you listen to your brother and care what he has to say and try to rephrase the things he says. Say something like, "I think I understand your point. You say you feel ____ when I _________, and that causes problems ".
   • Try to find an advantageous solution for both. Ask your brother for input, voice your opinion, and try to compromise.
   • Realize that no one always gets their way. The goal is to find a solution that both you and your brother can be somewhat satisfied with, even if it is not the solution you hoped for.
4. Give your brother positive attention. A common cause of annoying siblings is simply boredom. Maybe your brother is bored or feels like he's not getting enough attention. Rather than giving him negative attention by fighting back or getting annoying yourself, try to do something fun and productive together.
   • Doing something fun together should quickly divert your brother's attention from being annoying, and help you bond through the shared experience.
   • Go hiking or biking together (if you are young, make sure you get parental consent first), or do something indoors, like watch a movie, solve a puzzle, or play video games (although this can cause more arguments) .
5. Try not to take insults / irritations personally. It can be very difficult not to be personally offended or bothered by offensive / annoying behavior. However, at the end of the day, your brother is still your sibling and cares about you. Let your brother know that he is upsetting you and try to find a solution, but don't take it personally.
   • Know that your brother is probably not trying to actually hurt your feelings. Some people (especially at a younger age) just don't know any better.
   • Your brother will probably forget the nasty or hurtful things he said after an hour, so don't waste time holding a grudge.
   • Remember, you are giving him power over yourself by letting him upset you. If he notices that you are getting annoyed by him, he is more likely to continue with the annoying / hurtful behavior.

Part 2 of 4: Dealing with jealousy

1. Realize that jealousy can cause annoying behavior. If your brother is jealous of some aspect of your life, he may start venting his frustration. If you think this may be the case, then you can at least try to have a direct and honest conversation with your brother about how his jealousy is hurting you and causing trouble between you.
   • Think about your situation and when your brother started acting unpleasantly towards you. Could he be jealous of your grades, your assets, or your lifestyle?
   • Your brother is probably motivated by a simple urge to vent his frustrations.
   • If your brother is jealous because something you're doing now is taking time from the time you two used to spend together, it may be best to just spend more time with him. However, it's important to set your own boundaries and let him know to respect them.
2. Find ways to make your brother happier. Your brother's jealousy probably has to do with insufficient attention. If you can make him feel better about himself by finding things to feel good about, it can help get him out of his jealous attacks.
   • Even if you can't give your brother the same things you have, you can still help him find something to be happy about. That may, at least temporarily, curb his annoying behavior.
   • Remind your brother of the things he is good at. If your brother is jealous that you have been selected for your football team, remind him how good he is at other things, or how well he is doing in school.
3. Motivate your brother to get what you have. If your brother's annoying behavior is motivated by jealousy, helping him get what you have (or something like that) is one way to resolve the situation. This isn't always feasible, of course, but in certain situations it can help to calm a jealous sibling. Plus, if your brother sees you trying to help him, he may learn to be less jealous of you.
   • If your brother is jealous of your good grades, offer to help him study.
   • If he's jealous that you're better at sports, spend some time throwing or practicing with him to help him get better.
   • If he's jealous that you have a boyfriend or girlfriend and he doesn't, offer to help him ask someone out (if he's old enough to do so).
   • No matter what your brother is jealous of, the point is to show him that he is not limited to what he has now. If you offer to help him get the thing he wants, he'll be even more receptive to changing his current situation.

Part 3 of 4: Getting the help of a parent

1. Recognize behaviors that require a parent. While you and your brother grew up together, you probably argued often enough. However, sometimes there are arguments that cross a line and become hostile acts or even bullying behavior. In those cases, it is better to involve a parent who can mediate in the situation and take action if necessary.
   • Teasing a sibling is normal. However, if your brother continues to torment you about the same topic over a period of days or weeks, it could turn into bullying behavior.
   • If your brother doesn't apologize or try to make amends after an argument, or if he / she remains hostile to you, that's a sign of bullying.
   • Having some kind of advantage, such as being taller / older / more popular, can quickly turn simple sibling rivalry into a bullying situation.
   • If you think your brother is really bullying you, talk to a parent right away.
2. Let your parents mediate in a conversation. If you think a situation is getting out of hand and you are unable to reach an agreement on your own, it can be helpful to have one or both parents arrange a meeting. This can allow both you and your brother to express your thoughts and feelings about the conflict in a safe, supportive environment. Your parents can also help keep the peace when a disagreement arises, ultimately providing binding advice on how to proceed.
   • Have your parents talk to both of you separately, then lead a family discussion together.
   • Encourage your parents to try to find a solution that makes everyone happy. Ideally, you should be able to get to some sort of win-win situation.
   • If you alone have not been able to compromise with your brother, then your parents' last word in the matter should resolve the conflict.
3. Encourage your parents to enforce the rules. If your parents ignore your brother's aggressive, annoying, or otherwise problematic behavior, you may need to bring it to their attention. Ask your parents to be honest and apply the same rules to you and your brother, and to enforce the rules to keep the peace.
   • Your parents may not be aware of the situation, or they may not be aware of the magnitude of it.
   • It's easy for parents to get caught up between work and family. Make it a point to bring problems to the attention of your parents if you have not been able to solve those problems on your own.
4. Try to plan family activities that bring everyone together. This may not stop your brother from being annoying at the moment, but it can help you build a stronger relationship with your sibling. It can also provide a much-needed break from any tension that may have developed between the two of you at home.
   • Sometimes going out and having a positive, shared experience can help build a better relationship with a sibling.
   • At the very least, a group outing should be able to distract your brother from his problematic behavior.
   • Use this time with your family to find things that make everyone happier, and try to integrate those elements into your daily life.

Part 4 of 4: Establishing boundaries between you and your brother

1. Spend more time without each other. Whether you are the older brother or the younger, it can be frustrating to spend a lot of time with your brother when he is displaying nasty behavior. If your parents ask you to constantly watch your brother or to take him with you when you go out, talk to them about spending more time alone or with friends without your brother.
   • A growing sense of independence and individuality is one of the biggest reasons siblings argue when they spend time together.
   • Let your parents know that you appreciate the time you and your family spend together, but that you really need more time alone or with friends.
   • Remind your parents that you and your brother can still have a good relationship, even though the two of you are together less often. In any case, it will make the time you do spend together a lot more fun.
2. Try to avoid looking after your brother. Depending on your age and your family's living situation, your parents may often ask you to babysit your brother. When this is the case, it can be difficult to have space and time alone. Talk to your parents about alternatives or a possible compromise.
   • Suggest hiring a babysitter. If your parents are against this, you can at least ask for (extra) money for babysitting.
   • You might imagine staying babysitting your brother once or twice a week, as long as you have the weekends to yourself, without your brother.
   • It is best to have this conversation without your brother present as it may hurt his feelings or cause him to object. Younger children often have a hard time understanding why a parent has more responsibility or freedom.
3. Ask for privacy if you have guests. When your friends or another significant other comes over, it's important to set boundaries with your brother. Your friends shouldn't be exposed to your brother's nasty behavior, especially if he's trying to target that behavior on them.
   • Tell your brother to stop. If he doesn't want to listen, try to get your parents involved.
   • Try inviting friends if you know your brother isn't home or is busy with his own friends.
   • If your brother doesn't stop and your parents don't intervene, putting a lock on your door may be the only way to enforce your right to privacy when your friends are visiting.
   • Ask your parents for permission before installing a lock, otherwise they may become angry or suspicious.
4. Ask your parents for a room of their own. Sharing a room can be a great connection experience if you and your brother get along reasonably well. If you don't get along or if you just need your own space, ask your parents for a room of your own to accommodate your needs.Perhaps there is an extra room that is used as a craft room or home office, which can now serve as a bedroom, and possibly as a playroom.
   • Depending on your living situation, having your own room may simply not be an option. You may live too small, making it impossible for you and your brother to have your own room.
   • If your house is too small, you may be able to rearrange a room so that you have your own space. Talk to your parents about converting a home office into a bedroom, or perhaps part of the basement or attic.
   • When talking to your parents and expressing your wishes, raise this as a matter of privacy. It's much easier for a parent to make arrangements if it ensures privacy, rather than sort out a brief argument.
   • You could say something like, "Mom and Dad, I know we don't have a lot of extra space. But I'm getting older, and I would really like to have my own room so that I have a little more privacy. "
   • If your parents are planning to move, let them know that you would really appreciate having separate rooms as a factor in choosing the new home.

Tips

• Instead of bugging you, give him something to engage in.
• Try to do some things together that he likes and when you're done, tell him you want to be alone for a while. Hopefully he will give you that space then.
• Try to be nice to your brother. Remind him that one day you may be the only family he has left.
• Try to tell your brother in a friendly tone how he would feel if other people treated him the way he treats you. He may not realize how unpleasant his own behavior has been.
• Be the more mature person and show your brother how to behave. Don't give him a sermon, but be a good example of your behavior.
• If all else fails, just ignore him. He will then get bored and stop annoying you.
• Interest your brother in the same things as you. This can bring you closer together.
• Show that you support him. If he has an important event, go to it and encourage him!
• If he annoys you, it's probably because he's jealous of something.
• Try to stop him by entertaining him. He may be more interested in some entertainment.

Warnings

• Never use harsh language, or you will get in trouble with your parents.
• If your brother gets physical, tell him to stop and then go to your parents. Fighting back will only lead to more resentment and anger.
• When your brother gets physical, tell a parent without getting physical yourself. If you do hurt him, he will likely tell your parents and you may be the one to be punished.
• Don't engage in bad behavior. If your brother tries to insult you, tell an adult or walk away.
• Don't scold or hit your brother.
• If no one is helping you while your brother's harassment is so bad that it is assault, contact the children's phone or the police.