Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 4: Getting away from the fear
• Part 2 of 4: Dealing with a man's concerns
• Part 3 of 4: Dealing with a woman's concerns
• Part 4 of 4: Seek professional help
• Tips
• Warnings

A sexual experience can be positive or negative. Lack of experience and knowledge, or problems with sex earlier in life, can drive your fear of becoming sexually active (again). Men and women share certain fears, but they also deal with unique issues. Knowledge, self-help and professional support will help you get rid of your fear.

To step

Part 1 of 4: Getting away from the fear

1. Confront your fears. Identify exactly what you are afraid of and accept the challenge. When it comes to fear of sex, you need to know what led to that fear. By identifying specific fears you can focus on a solution.
   • Sit in front of it and make a list of the things that make you afraid of sex. For example, you don't know how to do it. You are afraid of doing something wrong or you are ashamed of how you look naked.
   • Challenge your fears by writing down possible solutions. For example, if you don't know how to do it, you can ask a trusted friend how they will handle it, or find someone else who will do it right and imitate them. Watching a romantic movie can even help.
   • If you're concerned that you're doing something wrong, you need to delve into the topic and find out which techniques work best for you. Preparation and knowledge scare you less.
2. Learn about human anatomy and physiology. The structure and functioning of the human body have been studied for centuries. Books have been written with information that you can look up if you are unfamiliar with some or all parts of the female or male anatomy.
   • If your fear has to do with not knowing enough about the female and male external genitals, it's time to look into it.
   • The female genitals are the vagina, a tubular organ connecting the genitals to the uterus; the uterus, a hollow muscle into which the fetus grows during pregnancy; the vulva, which includes all visible external parts (the pubic mound, the labia minora and labia majora, the clitoris, urethra, the outer court of the vagina, the perineum); the clitoral hood, the highly sensitive organ on top of the clitoris.
   • The male genitals are: the penis, the cylindrical penile tissue; the testicles, egg-shaped glands in a sac of skin called the scrotum; the glans, the upper part of the penis.
   • The four stages of sexual response are: arousal, plateau, orgasm, and relaxation.
   • An orgasm is a genital reflex that is controlled by the nerves in the spinal cord and is experienced differently by women and men.
   • Once you better understand the basic structure and functionality of the relevant body parts, you will have more control over yourself and your fears about sex.
3. Draw up an action plan. Most fears are overcome by making an action plan. Overcoming fear of sex is not uncommon. Identify what you want to achieve, determine the steps you need to take and stick to your plan.
   • List the things you fear. Is your fear related to the possible sex you will have on a date? Is that why you are afraid of going out with someone? Are you concerned about looking good, having bad breath or sweating too much?
   • Face your dilemma step by step. For example, if you're afraid to ask someone out, start by asking a stranger what time it is. While you don't want to ask this person for a date or to have sex, you still get experience approaching someone and asking them something. This is the first step towards your goal.
   • Working on a solution already helps reduce your anxiety. Making an action plan helps you feel that you can do something to improve the situation.
4. Practice. To overcome fear of sex you have to go through the process step by step. Research shows that overcoming a fear is better when someone faces it in an imagined or real situation. Developing a positive habit is the desired goal here.
   • Learn to satisfy yourself. Know what feels good when you touch yourself, envisioning having sex or using sex toys.
   • Build up your experience of talking about your feelings, holding hands, kissing, massage, sexual touch, and ultimately intercourse with someone who wants it over time. Don't pressure yourself to do too much too quickly. This only adds to the anxiety you feel.
5. Be open about your feelings. When you are with someone you like, be kind and caring and show that you are emotionally open. Sex is an emotional experience, so keep this in mind when talking about it.
   • If you feel uncomfortable in any way physically or emotionally, tell the person you are with and take the time to feel good. For example, if you are in a rush or you don't feel well physically, say, "I have to stop here. I do not feel comfortable.'
   • Avoid getting into a sexual situation too quickly. The results could be dangerous. You can interact with someone in an emotional way and at the same time let them know how far you want to go.
6. Don't forget to have fun. Sex is supposed to be fun, so relax and let the excitement take over. If you focus on the pleasure, you will be distracted from the fear.
   • Keeping the mood light during sex will help you feel more free. For example, be fun and playful and laugh at yourself. It will make you both more relaxed.

Part 2 of 4: Dealing with a man's concerns

1. Address your own physical functioning. The human body is very special. Yours is unique and needs good care, so you must be confident in your sexual abilities. Eating well, getting enough sleep, and getting enough exercise will help you be in good health and feel good about yourself.
   • Some drugs and alcohol affect your physical functioning. Avoid them to get rid of your fear.
   • If you are having trouble getting and keeping an erection, see a doctor who specializes in these matters.
   • Erectile dysfunction is usually attributed to poor blood flow to the penis. Foods that promote blood vessel health and stick to a plan for a healthy heart can help you with this disorder. A diet of plenty of fruits and vegetables, grains, lean meat and low-fat dairy products is recommended.
2. Don't expect too much to improve your performance. It doesn't work in your favor if you put too much pressure on yourself. If you are concerned that you will not be able to perform and satisfy your partner, you need to look at it differently.
   • Men are often competitive about many things in life, which is not always healthy. This becomes a real problem if you get so much stress during sex that you are more focused on "winning" than enjoying each other. Being too busy with winning means that you are very susceptible to what others think of you.
   • When making love, try to shift your thoughts to the shared aspects. This shifts your attention from yourself to the experience itself and to your partner.
   • Don't judge yourself. Your self-esteem does not depend on your sexual performance. You are a complete person with many positive qualities and abilities. Don't let one aspect of your life define you.
   • List your good qualities and how they serve you and those around you.
3. Increase your emotional vocabulary. Many people struggle with their emotional life and how you talk to someone about it. You can get frustrated if you don't know what you're feeling. You may be afraid to say the wrong thing or something you don't actually mean.
   • Start by writing about the feelings you have. Writing helps you organize your thoughts about your fears and conveys what you are feeling. Your writing doesn't have to be perfect. The most important thing is to take the feelings out of your subconscious mind to become aware of them and to be able to process them.
   • If there is something you want to tell someone, practice it beforehand. Introduce yourself to this person while you have a good conversation.
   • Don't feel obligated to label your feelings. You don't have to name everything for it to be real. You may feel a little unstable and nervous and excited, but also a little nauseous at the same time. This could mean that you have a crush on someone or that you really like someone. It can be confusing.

Part 3 of 4: Dealing with a woman's concerns

1. Make sure you are safe. A woman's main concern when having sex is her safety. Precautions can reduce your fear of emotional or physical harm. Whether you're afraid of getting pregnant, or losing your virginity, or having your parents find out, if you're safe you can handle it.
   • You are in charge of your body. Don't do things like alcohol or drugs that make you lose control.
   • Make sure you are comfortable and ready for lovemaking.
   • Always make sure there is someone who knows where you are if you are going to have sex with someone.
   • Protect yourself from pregnancy by using a contraceptive.The fear of getting pregnant can also lead you to the right choices.
2. Don't compare yourself to others. Competition or comparing yourself to others in a group can be dangerous. Becoming sexually active is a turning point for everyone. You have to resist the pressure to fit in by offering sex.
   • Your sexual development is a very personal and unique part of your life. It's your experience, so claim ownership. Don't let others negatively influence your decisions. You need to learn to set boundaries with confidence, thus keeping potential fears away.
   • For example, you get a lot of attention from someone and eventually you have a date. Your affection for this person is growing, but not as quickly as this person would like. You may be told, "I'm interested in a lot of people, and I thought we'd have sex right now. When are we going to have sex? Do not you like me?'
   • A good answer would be, "I really like you and I am glad that we are getting closer and closer. I also like that you are patient with me. But my decision to make love to you isn't something I'll ever rush. So if you want to meet someone else, I should let you go. "
3. Hold on to your right to say "no." Sexual or domestic violence and stalking are serious business. As a woman, or man, you need to be clear about your intentions when faced with potential lovemaking. You can always stop. If you say "no!" And "stop!" It means "stop!"
   • Take care of yourself as you would take care of your best friend. When you feel danger, always follow your intuition. Don't feel burdened if you change your mind about your plans, what you want, and with whom. Trust your instincts.
   • The most important thing to remember is to trust who you are with so that you can make clear, informed choices.

Part 4 of 4: Seek professional help

1. Find a therapist. If you avoid sexual contact and if the thought of sex leads to excessive and unreasonable fear or panic, you should see a professional therapist. Instead of a normal fear response, these can also be the first signs of a phobia.
   • The physical symptoms of a phobia are sweating, shaking, light-headedness and difficulty breathing. A therapist can help you deal with these symptoms and the condition.
   • See a therapist if sexual assault has occurred in your family that may prevent you from enjoying sex. By talking about it with the therapist and processing these trauma, you open the way to more positive relationships with others.
2. Learn relaxation techniques. When everyone is relaxed, everyone benefits. When you approach an intimate situation calmly, you keep fear at bay and increase pleasure.
   • Relaxation techniques include guided imaging, biofeedback, and breathing exercises. This will reduce the stress and anxiety you feel. Use these techniques before making love to someone.
   • Guided imaging involves focusing on calming images; you can do it yourself or together with a therapist.
   • Biofeedback is a technique that teaches you how to lower your heart rate and blood pressure, both of which are associated with anxiety.
   • Breathing exercises calm the nervous system, which is related to the fight-or-flight response, which is triggered by fear.
   • If you are overcome with anxiety when you are intimate with someone, take a minute break and use the relaxation exercises you have learned.
3. Fight your negative thoughts. Your thoughts influence your emotions. There is a tendency to overestimate negative consequences that you have not actually experienced yet, and to underestimate your ability to deal with a situation. These thoughts are not in balance and must be banned.
   • For example, you are very nervous and afraid that you are going to throw up your partner when you kiss. Address that thought by saying "You cannot predict the future and you have never vomited over anyone." If you are nauseous, go to the bathroom. You can handle it. "
   • You are stronger than you think. If you feel that you are insufficiently able to handle situations, work on that. For example, consider how you deal with other fearful situations in your life and use the same technique. Also look at how someone you dread deals with difficult situations. Ask for suggestions that you can do something with.
   • Talk to yourself positively to calm your nerves and thoughts. For example, if you feel anxiety, anxiety, or stress, say to yourself, "You are doing well. This is going to be fun. You will not be embarrassed. Lots of fun.'

Tips

• Be smart when choosing a sex partner. You have to trust the person you are with and make sure you want to share that special part of yourself.
• Fear is fueled by insecurity. Your anxiety decreases as you become more sexually active.
• Agree on a code word with your partner that you can say if either feels unsafe or anxious. This indicates that you are both stopping and taking a break.
• Breathing is important in everything that has to do with sex. If you feel even slightly uncomfortable, take a deep breath and try to relax.
• Keep it playful and funny, but make it clear that you are not laughing at your partner.
• If your fear of sex stems from sexual abuse or rape, be sure to discuss your concerns with your partner before getting intimate. If you are both aware of it, the chances of someone getting a blow is smaller.
• Make sure your partner knows the extent of your fears. If it's so bad that you burst into tears thinking about it, or you get lightheaded, let your partner know in advance.

Warnings

• Being afraid of sex is not the same as having a phobia, which is a more serious condition. You can discuss both conditions with a professional therapist.
• Unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases or even death. If you are not ready for the responsibility that comes with it, you should take precautions and use condoms.