Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Listen to the person's words
• Method 2 of 3: Assess the person's actions
• Method 3 of 3: Stop Conversations Behind Your Back

We all gossip sometimes, but it can still hurt us when someone speaks behind us. Whether it's a friend or coworker, look at what they say and do to determine if they are judging you. You can also stop people talking behind your back to have more productive relationships at work and school.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Listen to the person's words

1. 1 Listen to insincere compliments. Pay attention to what the person you suspect is gossiping behind your back says to your face. He may be angry or resentful at you. These emotions can also appear when he communicates with you, for example, in the form of explicit injections and ambiguous compliments to you.
   • Even if the person denies their hateful attacks by saying, “This is just a joke,” it may be a sign that he is having difficulty hiding his anger.
   • Here's an example of an ambiguous compliment: “Congratulations on your admission. I heard that this is an excellent ... technical school. "
2. 2 Notice if the person avoids your questions. Someone who talks about you behind your back may not want to share their true feelings with you. Ask the person a couple of questions to determine if they are hiding something from you. If he is reluctant or seems insincere to respond, he may have already given vent to his grievances elsewhere.
   • For example, if you suspect that someone is unhappy with your performance on a group project, ask them, "Are you angry about the project?" If the person avoids you or replies that they don't want to talk, they may have shared their emotions with other people.
3. 3 Talk to a close friend and ask if he has heard any rumors. Walk up to a friend you can trust and ask if anyone is talking about you behind your back. Reassure your friend that you will not involve him in a showdown if you call the gossip for a frank conversation. Let me know that you just want to understand why you deserve this behavior, because it hurts your feelings.
   • You can say: “It seems to me that Alina is talking about me behind my back. Have you heard any rumors? I will not betray you to her, I just do not understand why she is angry with me. "
   • It is very important not to betray the trust of a friend who will shed light on the gossip behind your back. By trusting you, he becomes a potential victim of rumors and resentment from other people.
4. 4 Pay attention to how the person speaks about others. Whoever gossips with you about other people behind their back is likely to do the same to you. Do you have many friends like that? Well, it would be helpful to keep your distance from them if you don't want them to gossip about you. The next time they try to talk to you about someone, politely stop them.
   • You might say, “You know, I really don't like to gossip about other people. I think this is ugly. Besides, we don't want anyone to do the same to us, right? "

Method 2 of 3: Assess the person's actions

1. 1 Pay attention to the sudden silence that occurs when you approach a group of people. Listen to the company of people who look at each other awkwardly and immediately become silent when you approach. They can also avoid your gaze.Many people who speak behind the backs of others are too cowardly to express their feelings directly to the person's face. They are more likely to feel uncomfortable if you accidentally interrupt their conversation about you.
2. 2 Be on the lookout for when people in authority start to treat you differently. People who talk about you behind your back may find it difficult to hide their negative feelings, or they may want the people in your life to feel bad about you, like a teacher or boss. If people with a lot of influence in your life suddenly feel differently about you, it is possible that someone spoke to them behind your back.
   • For example, it might be worth considering if your boss assigns someone else the weekly report that you usually do.
3. 3 See if the person is avoiding you. Look for signs that the person is dodging contact with you, such as not looking you in the eye, leaving a room or company when you walk in, or pretending not to notice you. Also pay attention to any disregard in correspondence. Did the person who often wrote or called you abruptly cut off the conversation? Perhaps he has a grudge against you. Maybe he is avoiding you because he feels guilty about what he says behind your back, or he is trying to let you know that he is angry.
   • If you're feeling determined, check out the avoidance theory. If you think that someone is talking about you behind your back in the company, go directly to him and sit next to him. If the abuser gets up and leaves, your suspicions are probably justified. This will also show that you will not be intimidated.
4. 4 Pay attention to who the person is spending time with. Anyone who spends time with people who dislike you probably have the same feelings for you now. If a former friend is being nice to someone they know is treating you badly, they are likely judging you behind your back. It could also be trying to hurt you.
5. 5 Notice if the person is hiding their phone. Take note of any friend who hides their phone when you approach, or is uncomfortable if you are looking at who is texting him. People who speak badly about us by spreading rumors behind our back are usually afraid that they will be exposed. If a friend is hiding their phone while near you, they may be discussing you with other people.

Method 3 of 3: Stop Conversations Behind Your Back

1. 1 Ignore problematic behavior. People who stoop to questionable actions, such as gossip behind a friend's back, usually experience some self-doubt. If your friend talks about you behind your back, you should understand that, as a rule, this is more about his character traits, and not yours. Try to behave with dignity and ignore such a person. Do not honor his behavior with your attention.
   • For support, connect with close friends or family members who love and care for you.
2. 2 Avoid paranoia. If you are upset about something you did or don't know a new person very well, then you can easily come up with things that don't really exist. Don't let your imagination run wild by pretending that someone is talking about you behind your back unless you have evidence to support this idea. If you're feeling paranoid, take a few deep breaths or take a soothing walk to get your thoughts in order.
3. 3 Study your behavior. If you feel guilty, it can be helpful to analyze your behavior to figure out where you are not. If you accidentally offended a friend or knowingly did something wrong, your actions can bring on gossip about you from those you hurt. Consider what you could have done differently if you made a mistake at all. However, keep in mind that sometimes people talk about us behind our backs, even if we don't deserve it.
4. 4 Talk to the person seriously and ask them to treat you with respect. If you haven't done anything to get the person to talk about you behind your back, stop their behavior by talking directly to them. Be direct, but not rude, even if the other person seems to be overstepping the boundaries. Ask him to treat you with the respect you deserve in your friendship or work relationship.
   • You can say: “I noticed that you are talking about me behind my back, and I really do not like it. If you have a complaint against me, let's figure it out directly. We need to work together and we both deserve respect. Let's find a way to put this in the past. "
5. 5 Tell a trusted supervisor if this behavior continues. If the person doesn't stop bullying or spreading false information behind your back, you may need to make a formal complaint against them. Whether it's a human resources department at work or a teacher you trust at school, don't hesitate to ask for help if things get out of hand.