Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 4: How to discipline your child at 2-3 years old
• Part 2 of 4: How to discipline a 4-7 year old child
• Part 3 of 4: How to discipline your 8-12 year old child
• Part 4 of 4: How to discipline a 13-17 year old teenager
• Tips
• Warnings

How many parents are in the world, so many opinions on how to discipline children. In doing so, it is always important to correlate the disciplinary action with the age of the child. Children at different stages of development respond differently to different parenting methods. However, with the right approach and adaptation, most disciplinary measures are useful at any age.

Steps

Part 1 of 4: How to discipline your child at 2-3 years old

1. 1 Praise your child for good behavior. Developing children's behavior in a positive atmosphere should be the first line of defense against bad behavior. Praise the little ones when they help siblings or put toys back in place.
   • For example, you saw a child collecting blocks after playing. In this case, you can say: “You are just great, you put away all your toys. Thanks!".
2. 2 Use the break method. A small child does not yet understand the essence of such a method, but a break or isolation at this age will remove the child from the situation in which the bad behavior arose.
   • For example, if a daughter throws food at a cat, then she should be stopped immediately. Move her to a temporary safe place, such as a high chair or playpen, so that she stops acting this way and you have time to clean up food or fix the situation.
   • No need to send your child to the bedroom. This will form a negative association for the punishment room.
3. 3 Act consistently. When a child is young, he still does not understand most of your rules and requirements. If you are making the rules, then always be consistent. Discuss the rules with your spouse to ensure that the disciplinary action is the same and that the child is not embarrassed.
   • For example, if the spouse does not allow the child to enter the office or play near the stairs, then follow these rules even when the spouse is not at home.
4. 4 Distract your child if they are trying to do something unwanted. Children between 2 and 3 years old are very curious and can explore forbidden places. A simple ban can lead to hysterics or the child simply will not listen to you! Try to divert his attention with another activity or object.
   • For example, if your toddler is diligently trying to open the kitchen cabinet door, you can distract him with a favorite toy.
5. 5 Explain the rules in plain language. One should dispense with long explanations about the reasons for the rule's existence. For example, if you don’t want your toddler to play near the stairs, you don’t need to say, "If you play near the stairs, you might accidentally slide down and get hurt." Better to just say, "Let's not play near the stairs." At this stage, the child is not interested in your reasoning. When he starts asking the question “Why?”, Then explain the reason for this rule.
   • Sit down when explaining a rule or situation so that you are on the same level with your child.
   • Keep calm. Don't yell at the child. Remember that he is not yet able to distinguish good from bad or understand many rules. Your screaming will not help the child better understand the situation and will only scare the child.
   • If you are upset, take a few deep breaths. The duration of inhalation and exhalation should be 3-5 seconds.

Part 2 of 4: How to discipline a 4-7 year old child

1. 1 Set clear rules. At the age of four, children begin to understand and follow your rules. For example, you can set a rule that a child must change into an old T-shirt or apron if he wants to paint, so as not to stain clean clothes with paint. Explain the rule to your child and remind him of it the first few times he wants to draw.
   • For example, if you have already told your child to wear an old T-shirt or apron in order to draw, you can use the question as a reminder: "What should you wear to draw?" After a while, the child will begin to dress himself in the right things without reminders.
2. 2 Apply the rules consistently. The child can get confused if the rules don't always work. If you want the rules to be effective, then be consistent in different situations and don't change the rules on the fly.
   • For example, if a child is not allowed to watch TV until he has eaten dinner, but he still turns on the TV, then you can discipline him by taking a break. If he turns on the TV again before dinner the next day, use the break method again. The same punishment for the same misconduct will help your child understand that you are unhappy with this behavior.
3. 3 Explain the rules patiently. Children over two years old can understand simple reasoning if all the rules are explained in plain language.
   • For example, if you demand to put away toys when the child has finished playing, and he wants to know the reason for this rule, then you can say: “Because it is important to keep track of your things. If you leave toys on the floor, someone could accidentally step on your belongings and break the toy. But if you immediately remove the toys, then everything will be fine with them.».
   • Explain the rules in simple terms. Explain the rule to your child and ask him to repeat it in your own words. Help the child and ask the question: "Do you understand everything?" If the answer is yes, ask: "What do you need to do?" If he can repeat the rule in his own words, then you have formulated a reasonable requirement and correctly explained it to the child.
   • If the child cannot correctly explain the requirement in his own words, the rule is probably too complicated. Try to simplify the rule and wait for the child to grow up a little and learn to repeat the more complex rules in their own words.
4. 4 Be unwavering with your child. Don't fall for tears and persuasion. If you allow your child to do whatever he wants, he will quickly understand that tears always allow you to get what you want and he will begin to use such a trick.
   • For example, if a child repeats “I want to play outside,” but it’s supper time, you should reiterate that he can only go outside when you give permission.
5. 5 Don't punish your child for any unusual behavior. Sometimes, parents may perceive innocent pranks as deliberate actions with the aim of annoying or causing harm. In fact, many children simply learn to explore the world around them through discipline.
   • For example, if a child begins to paint on the walls, he may not know that it should not be done that way. You have the right to be upset with this behavior, but try to show empathy and see the situation through the eyes of a child. If you have never clearly said that drawing on the walls is not allowed, then the child may not understand what is wrong.
   • When the child is behaving inappropriately, make it clear that the behavior is unacceptable. Suggest an alternative activity so that the child can draw in a sketchbook or coloring book instead of walls. You can also help your child clean up the mess. At the same time, you do not need to shout or punish the child if he did not know that this should not be done.
6. 6 Express your love and sympathy. When you discipline, always say that you are doing it out of love for the child. Express your concern with words like, "I know you want to go down the stairs, but it's still dangerous for you." Hug and kiss your child to show that these restrictions are being used for their safety.
   • It is important to understand that most of the problems a child faces are caused by ordinary curiosity, not by bad temper or willful disobedience. Become aware of your child's mental development so they can see the world through their eyes and be more empathetic.
   • Don't be afraid to say no. You are the parent and you must control the child's behavior.
7. 7 Learn to distract children. If you distract the child, then you can channel his energy in a positive direction. Analyze the situation and come up with an original alternative activity that will be interesting to the child.
   • For example, if your child throws a tantrum at the supermarket because you refused to buy his favorite cereal, offer to help you find other items on your shopping list. If your baby is playing near a fragile vase, then offer him a toy or a sketchbook and pencils so that he walks away from the vase and calmly starts drawing.
   • This tactic is primarily intended for children between the ages of 6 and 24 months, but is just as effective for children under 5.
8. 8 Use the break method. It consists in making the child stay in a specific place for a certain amount of time. This is usually a minute for each year of the child's life.For example, if your child is five years old, take a five minute break for bad behavior. A break is an acceptable disciplinary measure for children under 10-12 years of age.
   • Choose a place for break or isolation that does not have distractions such as TV, toys, friends, or games. The purpose of the break is to allow the child to reflect on their behavior in silence. A suitable place for a toddler under two years old would be a kitchen chair or the bottom rung of the stairs.
   • This is an appropriate disciplinary measure when a child breaks a rule or does something dangerous. For example, if you forbade your child to play near the road and he disobeys you, then use the break method.
   • Do not talk to your child during isolation. If you want to say instructive words, then wait until the end of the break. Even if your child starts crying or sobbing, act like you don't hear anything.
9. 9 Deprive your child of privileges. For example, if a small child constantly and intentionally breaks toys, you can temporarily take away any remaining intact toys from him. Before doing this, explain to your child that if he wants to keep his toys, he should take better care of them.
   • In the case of young children, it is especially important to deprive them of privileges as soon as inappropriate behavior is identified. This will create a connection in the child's mind between behavior and the loss of privilege.
   • Don't take away privileges for a long time. Young children are often not yet familiar with the concept of long-term perspective that is familiar to adolescents and adults. It may seem fair to you to take away toys from your child for a week, but the effect of such a step will disappear after a few days.
10. 10 Reward your child for good behavior. It is very important to reward both young children and adolescents for good behavior. The smallest should be rewarded with verbal praise or small colored stickers. At this age, it is more useful to form correct behavior, and not to punish for wrongdoing.
    • For example, praise your child if they share a treat with a friend, even if they haven’t been asked to.
    • Reward your child with candy or the opportunity to watch your favorite animated series for longer than usual. The scale of the reward must match the scale of the right action.
11. 11 Help your child understand the natural consequences. When a child performs a certain action, he can expect a certain result. Natural consequences help children understand that they need to take responsibility for their actions and learn to reason logically.
    • For example, if a child does not put the bike in the garage after a ride, then it may rust or even become a target for thieves. If your child continues to leave the bike on the street regardless of the risk, then use the opportunity to teach him the natural consequences.
    • If-then phrases are great at explaining natural consequences to children. For example, you can say, "If you leave your bike on the street, it can be stolen or it can rust."
    • Do not apply natural effects in situations where there is a threat to the safety and health of the child. For example, in cold weather, you do not need to send your child outside without a jacket if he refuses to wear outerwear. If you find that a child is playing with matches, do not allow such games to continue, otherwise he may burn himself or start a fire.
12. 12 Use disciplinary action judiciously. It is important to act judiciously in response to the child's actions. Do not overreact to the child's actions or expect him to behave correctly in situations that are unfamiliar to him.
    • For example, if a three-year-old toddler turned over a glass of juice, there is no need to wait for him to clean up after him. Better to help the child and say, “Now we need to clean up everything. Let's learn how to clean up the mess together. "Give your child a rag or napkin and tell him to help you clean. Show him how to clean up the spilled juice, and also tell him when he gets down to business.
13. 13 Make a schedule. From six months onwards, a child needs a consistent daily routine. For example, a six-month-old baby might wake up every day at 8:00, have breakfast at 9:00, play until lunchtime at 12:00, go to nap at 13:00, and go to bed at 19:00. As your child gets older, shift the lights out and let him decide more how to use his free time. Early familiarity with the routine and the ability to plan your time will be useful for your child in elementary school.
    • On the other hand, if you do not stick to a schedule, then you allow the child to constantly argue with you about when to go to bed, wake up, eat lunch and play.
    • If you have several children with a large age difference, then each child should have their own lights out. This is important not only for children's physiology and natural sleep cycles. This way you can devote time to each child and put everyone to bed individually. If the children are about the same age (no more than four years old), you can let everyone go to bed at the same time to avoid sibling rivalry.

Part 3 of 4: How to discipline your 8-12 year old child

1. 1 Maintain a strong bond with your child. With age, it becomes more difficult to discipline a child using the old methods. Punishment or threat of punishment may no longer work. It is best to strive to maintain a strong bond with the child and use positive reinforcement to motivate the child to behave correctly.
   • Ask your child about what he does at school, be interested in his favorite subjects. Show interest in his life.
   • Encourage your child to travel with you on business, walk in the park, or near your home with the whole family.
   • Keeping in touch with children of this age is not always easy when they go to soccer practice or visit various sections after class, but take the time to talk at least for a few minutes a day. For example, you can chat in a relaxed environment just before bed.
   • Be a role model. Always keep promises. Do not use swear words in your speech. Children always repeat after their parents. If you behave correctly, you will be a positive example for your child.
2. 2 Make reasonable rules. It is important to understand that children aged 8-12 change and become more independent. The child still needs you, but old rules can overwhelm him and stifle development. Compare your rules with those in other households to help you determine reasonable hours of sleep and TV viewing.
   • If your child already has their own phone or computer, limit the amount of time they use the devices, but leave the child some freedom. For example, you can prohibit the use of your phone at the dinner table or after a certain time in the evening.
   • Continue to monitor children at this age. If your daughter likes to play on the street with friends, then do not forbid her, but demand that an adult be present next to the children.
   • Communicate with your child, and also listen carefully when he talks about his feelings and thoughts. If the child is upset with the rule, accept their point of view and make the rule less structured (if it's reasonable).
3. 3 Use appropriate punishments. If you pick up a book that is of no interest to the child, then the action does not contain any punishment. On the other hand, if you forbid your child to leave the house for a week because he is late for dinner, the punishment will be excessive, taking into account the misconduct. Your disciplinary action must be balanced and fair. Talk with your spouse and other parents to find the right solutions.
4. 4 Keep calm. There is no need to yell at the child, say words that can humiliate him, embarrass him or cause a negative reaction. Communicate punishment privately and remember to respect. For example, if the child says a rude phrase to another person in public, take the child aside and tell them not to say those words when other people are around.
   • At this age, children begin to feel increased social pressure, as well as undergo hormonal changes. Such influences can create an emotional cocktail inside the child that will lead to tantrums or tears. You don't need to respond to such situations with an emotion of equal magnitude. Instead, ask your child to leave the room and calm down. If you are in a child's room, ask if the child wants you to leave. Discuss this outburst later when the child regains control. Ask: "Do you think your actions and tone were acceptable?" Ask for an apology if he screams and gives in to emotion.
   • If your child insults you or says “I hate you,” don't take these words personally. So he's just trying to provoke you into an angry reaction. Remain calm, and later, when the child regains control, say that such words hurt you very painfully. Find out if he wants to apologize, but if he says no, say that you forgive him anyway. Emphasize that you should always remember to be kind and polite to others (including you), even in times of anger.
5. 5 Encourage good behavior. If your teenager does the right thing or shows initiative (for example, putting away his belongings without being reminded or doing homework of his own accord), then reward or encouragement will be the right reaction from you. Let your child watch TV or invite a friend over.
   • A middle or high school student may be allowed to return from a walk a little later than usual if he has successfully completed his homework.
   • Good behavior is determined by the nature of the relationship between the child and the parent. If you think it is good behavior to go to sleep every day at 9:00 pm, then tell your child about it in advance. If he has been diligently going to bed at 9:00 pm for a week, then offer your child a choice of rewards, such as a visit to an ice cream parlor or a slot machine room.
6. 6 Don't shield your child from natural consequences. Natural consequences are a direct result of human actions. An example of natural consequences for a child of 8-12 years old may be the case when he forgot a book from a friend and cannot read it in the evening.
   • Another example of a natural consequence situation is that a teenager dropped his phone in anger. There is no need to punish a teenager. Just report that the phone crashed and now it has no connection with friends.
   • Always empathize with your child when faced with natural consequences, if appropriate.
7. 7 Teach your child self-discipline. As a child grows up, it is important to maintain open and healthy communication with him. There is no need to punish him as before. Show that your teen needs to change their behavior to make their life better.
   • For example, a child does not have time to leave the house on time and is always late for school. Instead of punishing (“If you don’t come out on time, I’ll take your game console”), be involved and show you how to solve the problem.
   • Tell your child, “I noticed that you don't get out on time and are late for school. This situation can lead to poor ratings. What do you think should be done so that you have time to leave the house on time? "
   • The child may suggest setting an alarm for an earlier time, or folding things and a backpack in the evening. There are other suggestions you can give, but let him do these things on his own to learn self-discipline.
8. 8 Encourage your child to reflect on their mistakes. Proper disciplinary action must include not only punishment and demonstration of natural consequences, but also showing the child other paths to take in the future. For example, if your child received a low grade in school, ask him why this happened. Perhaps he constantly put off the task until the last moment and did not have time to submit the work on time.
   • Invite your child to think about what could have been done differently to get the desired result. For example, ask a test question “Why do you think you were constantly putting off work?”, “How could you motivate yourself to complete the task?”, “Are you satisfied with such an assessment? Why?". An invitation to consider the consequences of the situation will help the child understand that he is responsible for his own life.
   • Always ask how you can help him in the future so that he does not make such mistakes. Demonstrate unconditional love so that your child feels cared for and supported in any situation.

Part 4 of 4: How to discipline a 13-17 year old teenager

1. 1 Involve your teenager in discussing the rules. The teenager should definitely participate in the development of the rules. Do not let him make the final decision or impose his own rules, but show that you understand everything - the child is growing up and he needs more and more freedom.
   • For example, let him come home later on the weekend. At the same time, you do not need to say vague phrases like "Don't stay up late." Give a clear time when he should be at home. "Come back no later than 22:00" - this is a correct and understandable instruction.
   • When your child gets a driver's license, let him drive short distances on his own. Gradually increase the distance as he becomes a more experienced driver.
   • Keeping in touch with your teen is not always easy. As a rule, teens are not very fond of discussing their affairs with their parents, but accept their point of view and wishes in order to maintain a strong relationship. Your teenager's active participation in the discussion of disciplinary action will show that you respect their growing independence. He will surely appreciate this attitude (even if he does not admit it).
2. 2 Tell your teen about situations that you will not tolerate. With adolescents, much of the discipline is about finding compromises that will suit both sides, but in some respects, intolerance is necessary. For example, tell your child that it is not okay for your child to use alcohol and drugs or bring friends home when the adults are not at home. Explain that such questions are not even discussed and are unacceptable for you.
   • In case of violation of these rules, the consequences can be different. First, tell your teen that you hate it when he breaks this rule. Explain clearly and calmly why you consider this behavior unacceptable and insist on following such a rule.
   • For example, if you do not allow a teenager to drink alcohol, explain in advance and after the violation what such behavior can lead to: a person's condition can be used for selfish purposes, he can disgrace himself, and drunk driving can cause an accident in which he risks the person himself and other people suffer.
   • If a teenager refuses to abide by your rules, then start with such punishments as not leaving the house or taking away his computer, phone, tablet.
3. 3 Create a daily routine for your teenager. Teenagers are often very busy with their studies, part-time jobs and training. Help your child better organize time with a daily routine, but don't let him make all the decisions on his own. For example, don't let your son go to soccer practice if your son doesn't do his homework or gets bad grades in school.Explain that you are supportive of his hobbies, but that he should study well and not come home later than the set time. Don't let your teen be away from home all night.
   • It is easier for a teenager to keep up with everything if he gets up later and goes to bed earlier. It's important to make sure your child gets 8-10 hours of sleep every night. Alas, during the school year, the time of awakening depends on the time of the beginning of classes. Let him sleep a little longer on weekends. Ask your teenager's opinion about this schedule and compare it with your child's peers so that the rules are not too strict.
   • If your child has a hard time keeping to a schedule, print it and place it in a visible place like the refrigerator for reference. Explain that failure to comply with the schedule will result in appropriate disciplinary action. Describe the possible consequences and always translate your threats into reality.
4. 4 Remind your teen about the natural consequences. By this time, the child should already understand the essence of the natural consequences. At this stage, allow your teen to make informed decisions about their own clothes. If he refuses to put on a jacket in cold weather and is always cold outside, then draw his attention to the feeling of discomfort and cold that are a consequence of the decision.
5. 5 Take away your teen's privileges. If a teenager behaves badly, then you should temporarily deprive him of the things that he values. For example, prohibit watching TV, including TV shows on your phone or tablet. You can also prohibit meeting with friends.
   • This approach is most effective when the privilege is directly related to the wrongdoing. For example, if you ask a teenager to turn off the TV and do his homework, then in case of refusal after several requests, forbid him to watch TV for the next 24 hours.
6. 6 Discuss problems with your teenager. If the child breaks the rule or does not fulfill his duties, then it is important to discuss the situation. So you can better understand your child and at the same time argue for the existing rule. Don't jump straight to punishment. Make sure your teen is clear about your requirements and find ways to support your child.
   • For example, if your daughter shirks her responsibility to wash the dishes, discuss the situation. It can be explained that everyone has responsibilities to fulfill, even if they don't feel like doing anything. You can give an example like "What if I stop going to work and we don't have money for food and clothes?"
   • You can also explain why it is so important to wash dishes. For example, say, “We all work together to take care of dinner. Your father cooks, your sister sets the table, and I clean the kitchen after dinner. It remains for you to wash the dishes and it is important for us that you fulfill your duties. "
   • Try asking how you could make it easier for her. For example, if she doesn't want to touch dirty dishes, you can buy rubber gloves. If she just doesn't like washing the dishes all the time, suggest alternating responsibilities. Offer to take turns setting the table, cleaning the kitchen after dinner, or even making dinner for the whole family.

Tips

• Never use corporal punishment or spanking. This decision may bring you relief, but physical punishment can cause serious problems. For example, spanking can make a child more aggressive and hurtful. The child may develop feelings of helplessness or the thought that it is okay to hurt those you love.
• Don't let negative prejudice convince you that rewards for good behavior are bad practice. This is not a “bribe,” but a fair and logical admission that your child is working hard to meet your expectations. Find natural ways to demonstrate that you value good behavior.
• Reward your child often for good behavior.

Warnings

• Don't offer options that don't exist. Some options are impossible to implement.
• Raising a child is a partnership. Talk to your partner about appropriate measures for your child.