Content

• Steps
• Warning

If your marriage is in a slump, you or your spouse may consider getting a divorce. But it's never too late to improve your marriage. Changing yourself and the nature of your relationship will help restore a healthy, fulfilling marriage.

Steps

Method 1 of 4: Improve yourself

1. 

   Listen to your spouse. Open and honest communication is very important to a good marriage. Listen patiently as the person talks about their problems or concerns about your relationship. Being attentive when talking will help you understand why the other person is unhappy and give you the opportunity to act.
   • If you want to ask questions about what you can do to make the other person happier and more satisfied, don't hesitate.
   • Expect your ex to listen to you with similar respect.
   • If your ex insults you through verbal abuse, looks down on, or refuses to participate in a conversation, let them know that their behavior makes you feel frustrated, lonely, and depressed.

2. 

   
   
   Stay positive. Your spouse fell in love with your cheerful and emotionally balanced person. If you allow a relationship conflict to exhaust you or feel as though the marriage is reversible, step back. It's okay to be upset about a relationship conflict, but try to focus on the big picture. When you feel upset about the state of your relationship, rethink the good times you spent together.
   • Your happiness should not depend on the other person. You need to focus on being the best you can be, even if your partner isn't.
   • If you expect the worst from your ex, you will more easily notice and focus on your conflict and problems. Try to notice subtle, positive changes in the way you interact with your partner. Share them with that person.

3. 

   
   
   Be flexible. Don't ask everything to be what you want. Marriage is a cooperative relationship between both. You two will not be able to force everything to go your way on a regular basis. If you and your partner have different goals and ideas - no matter where to move or where to eat, you should both listen to each other's opinions.
   • Chat together, not monologue. Listen to your partner and expect them to listen to you too.
   • Skip a few things. Let's say you want to eat chicken but she cooks soup, or you want to go to the movies but he insists on watching a soccer game. In both cases, no matter what decision you two make, life goes on. You should know how to choose your battle and let it go.
   • Being flexible doesn't mean your spouse can trample you. Sometimes, the decision not to give in is the right thing to do.

4. 

   
   
   Preserve appearance. Although physical attraction is only part of love, in our visual culture, it plays an important role in how we think about our partners and relate to them. When you hang out with your spouse, dress well to show that you see this as a special time. You should also take care of your health. Eat a healthy, balanced diet with plenty of fruits and vegetables. Try to get 30 minutes of exercise each day. Dressing up and taking care of your appearance will make your ex be constantly attracted to you.

5. 

   Practice healthy communication. Only talk to the person when you're in the right mood and mood. Don't yell at your spouse. If you feel your or your spouse's anger is rising, suggest that you both take a moment to calm down and move on with the story.
   • Stay away from the topic of activation, discussing issues will cause you to quarrel.
   • Communicate only when awake and comfortable.

6. 

   Balance your time. Couples possessing a healthy relationship should spend time together as well as for themselves. Go to the movies, play mini-golf, go bowling - anything you both love, and do it together. Try new activities and go on adventures that you both can bond with. But when you need alone time to recharge, you should let the other person know. You and your partner are not copies of each other, and will not be excited about all the same activities. You two need to give each other space to pursue their hobbies and interests.
   • Try to schedule a few days or a specific time to date each other.
   • In addition to spending time alone, it's also a good idea to meet friends.

7. 

   Be faithful to your spouse. You will want to jump into a quick or lasting relationship with someone who gives you care and affection that you won't find in your spouse. But remember, your spouse, not your partner, is your family. Infringing a marriage commitment will push you into a divorce and make you feel guilty.
   • Identify situations or people you know that will make you betray and stay away from them whenever possible.
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Method 2 of 4: Accept your spouse

1. 

   See them as they are. There are two versions of a person: who they are, and who they are under your eyes. At times, these two identities are almost identical, while, at other times, they will not. You need to be aware of the person's mistakes and flaws, and at the same time be aware of their good qualities. As you begin to become too obsessed with your partner's flaws, remind yourself of the sweet, understanding, and affectionate person they can be. Allow the person the opportunity to be fairly heard when they are determined that they can and will change, and are open to the possibility that they will do what they say.
   • Asking the other person to change won't make them or you happy. Your ex will feel stuck in your request, and you will be disappointed that he or she hasn't changed.
   • Don't compare your spouse with other people.

2. 

   Focus on the person's positive qualities. Think back to the time when you just met and fell in love with your spouse. Remembering this beautiful time will help you see their good side more clearly in the present. If you constantly look for a person's flaws, instead of focusing on the positive traits, you will find that they have a lot of flaws.

3. 

   Sympathize with your spouse. Put yourself in the shoes of the person you love. Do you treat them with the same level of respect you would like to receive? How do you feel when others want you to make a drastic (or even minor) change in your personality? Most of us don't want to hear that we made a mistake or made someone else upset. We become defensive, hurt, and angry.
   • Understanding the reasons and how your spouse responds to the criticism will help you to ease your approach. Explain that you feel attacked or hurt by the other's demands will make them lighten their approach.

4. 

   Think about the big picture. No one is perfect. You and your spouse need to be honest with each other and with yourself about the qualities, habits, or styles that really are the cause of the divorce, and what is simply uncomfortable or inconvenient. You may think your spouse is snoring too loudly; to walk like a duck; make many grammatical mistakes; or is a well-dressed person. But these factors don't have to put an end to your marriage. Understanding your ex's limitations and shortcomings, as well as your own, is an important step in restoring a happy marriage.

5. 

   Accept yourself. Often times, our judgment toward others comes from feeling frustrated with ourselves. You should research why you have such high expectations for your spouse, or why you ask too much of them. Is it because you are not completely satisfied with yourself personally or professionally? If this is the case, it will also be difficult for you to accept others.
   • Lower your expectations of yourself to a realistic level and realize that you and your spouse both fall short of their own accord.
   • Don't expect your spouse to be the only one providing a feeling of contentment.
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Method 3 of 4: Working together

1. 

   Infused sex life. Sex is an important part of a healthy relationship. With the possibility of an imminent divorce, it will be difficult for you to build a good sex life. But being physically and emotionally close goes together, and both are important if you want to prevent a divorce.
   • Make time for romance. Everyone is busy, but scheduling a date night will give you time to set the mood. You can enjoy a romantic candlelit dinner together (whether at a restaurant or at home), go to the movies, or simply go bowling. Before you go to bed, however, you need to give your spouse the love and attention they're lacking. Say that you love that person and would love to spend time with him.
   • Place scented candles and flowers around the bedroom. Massage your partner's hands, feet, and shoulders before having sex. Sensory stimulation is an important first step in rekindling one's desires.
   • If you get the feeling that your sex life is bland, you can try a new pose or wear a new underwear. You can also read erotic stories to each other, or watch "adult" movies. Take turns being the guide of the process to ensure maximum diversity.

2. 

   Talk about your dreams and desires. In addition to talking about everyday needs and situations (“We need to do laundry”), it's important to share your fears, hopes, and secret dreams with your friend. your life to build emotional intimacy. You should use phrases like "I / I believe ..." or "I / I hope is ..." when presenting ideas about your future and that of your spouse. Thinking about and sharing your feelings and thoughts will help you both realize that apart from divorce, your marriage has other possibilities.
   • Ask yourself and your spouse questions such as:
     • What great thing do I think my spouse is capable of? What can I do to motivate them to achieve the best?
     • Where do I want to travel with my spouse?
     • What do I expect to do with my spouse when I retire?
   • Invite your spouse to share their dreams and desires. Thinking and talking about your future will help you adjust to it.
   • Don't use these conversations for complaints or negative thoughts.

3. 

   Determine what needs to be changed. If you're thinking about getting divorced, both are probably at fault for contributing to the real problem. Don't blame your partner for all the marriage problems. You should talk to your spouse so you can understand each other about what is going in the wrong direction, and how to correct it.
   • Talk about the problem you are feeling with statements that begin with the subject "I" (yourself), such as "I hope we spent more time together", as opposed to "I / I never wanted to spend time with me ". These statements will often be viewed less as criticism and will yield more positive results.
   • When you are blamed unfairly, you need to defend yourself, but not when criticized. Try to see the conflict from your spouse's unique perspective.

4. 

   Strengthen your bond with your spouse. Be generous to give the person praise and affection. This method will help rejuvenate the love you both had together. Address the emotional and physical needs of the other person first. Love the person the way you want to be loved.
   • Tell your spouse that you love them every day.
   • Surprise your spouse with small gifts they like. You can cook them dinner, buy flowers for them, or take them shopping.
   • It may take a while for you to rebuild your ex's trust and affection. You need to be patient and keep trying.

5. 

   Ignoring the past. Talk to your significant other about when they hurt or hurt you. If you want, you can write the list on paper. You don't need to write a complete list, but it should include the most painful memories or experiences you and the person you love have had, and possibly spark resentment between each other. The two of you will set up different lists. Take turns talking about the incident. Each person should be aware of how they contributed to the process of forming misunderstanding and apologizing.
   • Forgive even if the other person won't do this.

6. 

   Be open to change. Accept changes in habits or interactions if you think this might help you.Make it clear that you'll try your best, but it will take some time for you to get used to them. Then, really do your best in implementing the change you promised and show your sincerity. Ask the other person to do the same thing you do.

7. 

   Attend a consultation. Attending a couple counseling session with a therapist will help you solve the problem with the neutral mediator. The therapist will provide you with an objective perspective and can provide advice on communication strategies, conflict resolution, and general guidance in improving a marriage with problems.
   • Couples counseling will usually last for an hour, once a week. Seeing the therapist more often will bring more results.
   • Group therapy is another useful type of counseling, and it introduces many couples going through similar stressful times to discuss how they are handling the problem. Group therapy will provide an opportunity for you to form new understandings and ideas about your relationship.
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Method 4 of 4: Separation test

1. 

   Recommended test separation. A trial separation is an informal separation period during which both people will be separated temporarily. This will give both opportunities to examine feelings and life away from the other person's regular influence and presence. A trial separation can help you and your spouse remember well how you both remember and need each other. The ancients used to have a saying "The farther away, the better"
   • Your spouse may disagree with the idea of ​​a trial separation. Explain to your partner the benefits of this "rest" and take time to think carefully about what you both truly want in your marriage.

2. 

   Decide when to try separation. Between two and six months is ideal for a test separation. If this period lasts longer then it will be difficult for you both to reconcile as you and your spouse will begin to settle into single life.

3. 

   Set up terms. When you try to separate, there are many financial and lifestyle issues that you both need to agree on. You should have written terms for the separation to avoid any ambiguity between you and your spouse. Important questions that you need to ask include:
   • Will both of you move out separately? Or just one person?
   • Where will each of them go?
   • Is it necessary to split or share a bank account? Credit?

4. 

   Think about your children. If you have children, be sure to make sure you talk about the process with them. Help your child understand the situation and let them know that even if you and your spouse have a conflict, you both love them very much.
   • Children may not respond well to the test parting process. They will either become clinging or not want to go to school. Older children and adolescents will withdraw from social or angry feelings. Talk to your child's teacher about the situation in your family so they can watch for signs that your child is behaving erratically.
   • Children may believe that the action they took was the cause of your separation. Let them know that the situation between you and your spouse was not their fault and they did nothing wrong to make this happen.
   • Arrange care and visitation schedules appropriate for your child. You should not move children back and forth between the two places more than once a week, and ensure that their learning will not be interrupted.

5. 

   Use your time wisely. Whatever the original factor in your internal problem, just because you and your significant other separated won't make it possible to fix it on its own. Whether you are the proponent or object of a trial separation, you should consult your therapist on why and how your marriage should end in the current state.
   • Ideally, you should continue to attend a couple therapy session even if you live apart. A trial separation should not be when you both stop communicating completely. You should try to identify the difference with the help of a consultant.
   • Don't use the trial separation period to pretend you are single. Do not date other people or participate in a relationship. The goal of this stage is to find a new perspective on your relationship that only a long distance can bring you.

6. 

   Give decision. At the end of a trial separation, you should evaluate your experience. Is the problem in your relationship really impossible to fix? Or did the trial separation help you know that you miss and love your spouse so much that a divorce becomes a disaster? Talk to your spouse about your feelings and find out how they feel.
   • It is possible that you and your spouse will not make the same decisions about the status of this marriage. Be prepared to move forward with a divorce at the end of the separation if one of you both thinks this is necessary.
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Warning

• Don't try to heal a relationship that has broken down. If your spouse harms you physically, harms your children, your family, or acts aggressive in some way, divorce is the best option.
• Seek immediate protection from physical harm. Contact the help center, police, family, or friends and let them know you need help.
• Avoid thinking that you need to keep the marriage for the sake of your children.
• The divorce option should not be completely eliminated. Some people just simply don't get along.