Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Telling Kids about the Breakup
• Part 2 of 3: Support Your Children During Divorce
• Part 3 of 3: Supporting Children After a Breakup

Parting with a partner, especially when there are common children, often entails a lot of far from pleasant emotions and difficulties. You are probably now trying to sort out your feelings and at the same time worry about making your separation or divorce from your spouse as painless as possible for the children. This can be done if you talk to them softly and delicately about the breakup and are there all the time. It is necessary to support the children after the separation, because you can still be a good parent, even if the children are no longer living with you.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Telling Kids about the Breakup

1. 1 Agree with your partner how you will break up. Prepare in advance to talk with your children. Talk to your partner about how your relationship will change next. You should both sit down and agree on who will live where, who will be in charge of individual day-to-day cares and activities for the children, and decide when the formal divorce proceedings will begin. Understanding these details will allow you to speak more confidently about everything to your children and speak with a united front.
   • For example, you might agree that your partner will move and live in a nearby apartment or house. You can also let your partner visit the children at home or take them to your apartment.
2. 2 Choose a suitable time and place to talk to the children. You should tell the children about the separation from your spouse. Talking to all family members together will ensure that your children hear the same information and show them that both of you are ready to break up. This will make the whole process less confusing and tedious for children.
   • You can tell the children about this at home while sitting in a cozy room. Having a conversation in a familiar environment can help your children better understand what they hear. It also allows you to talk in private, which is essential for such an important conversation.
   • You can start by saying, “We need to talk to you about something. This is important and concerns all of us. But you should know - no matter what, we are still a family. "
3. 3 Speak honestly and openly. Tell the kids only the basics and don't go into the dirty details of the breakup. You might say, “Mom (or Dad) and I are having a hard time getting along. After much deliberation, we decided that it would be better for us to disperse. " Make eye contact with the children and speak calmly.
   • The age and developmental level of each child should also be considered. Young children may need a simpler explanation of what is going on. Older children will understand you and get to the point faster.
4. 4 Let your kids know that the breakup is not their fault. It is important that children know that separation is solely an adult matter and that they are not to blame for the divorce or separation. You and your partner should reassure the children of this so that they understand that family breakdown has nothing to do with their behavior or actions.
   • You should also help your children realize that you both love them dearly. You can say: “We want you to understand that we are parting through no fault of yours and that we both love you, as before. We are still your parents, despite the divorce. "
5. 5 Allow the children to ask questions. Children may respond to this by asking practical questions such as where they will live now or if your partner is going to move. Let your children ask similar questions and answer them in as much detail as possible. It is quite natural that children have a desire to learn about everything, and they need to answer honestly, so that it would be easier for them to perceive what is happening.
   • Questions that often worry children in such situations: "Who will live at home?", "Will I have to move or be transferred from school to school?", "Will I still see my friends?" live?" Try to answer the children's questions with honesty and sensitivity. Give confident and clear answers so that children can better cope with the breakup.
   • You can tell the children: “Now mom will be at home. You will stay with her, and dad will come on the weekend, or you will go to visit him. We will help each other while the divorce is in progress. "
   • It might also be worth discussing an upcoming event in which the children will participate, such as a birthday or a tournament. Say: "We decided that dad will drop you off for Natasha's birthday on Sunday, and mom will pick you up," or: "We will both come to your tournament on Friday anyway to support you."

Part 2 of 3: Support Your Children During Divorce

1. 1 Be prepared for the children to react emotionally. The response of children to a breakup can be very different: it can manifest itself in the form of shock, anger, confusion, or even guilt. Expect your children to be emotionally stressed and try to find a compromise. You can also experience strong emotions, and being around your children can help you cope with a breakup.
   • If you have young children, they may react to the breakup by reverting to behaviors that they have already outgrown, such as urinating during sleep or sucking on their thumb. Older children may experience anger, anxiety, and a sense of loss at the same time. And they can become depressed and withdrawn into themselves.
2. 2 Be a good listener. You can help your children get through the hardships of a breakup by being a good listener and a good parent. Children may need your presence to relieve anxiety and anxiety about parting. Be prepared to sit down and listen to them.
   • Do not interrupt children when they are talking; while listening to them, non-verbally demonstrate your openness, namely: look children in the eyes, keep your hands relaxed and make sure that the body is turned in their direction.
   • Ask the children questions and reassure them when necessary. Do not try to answer all their questions and allay all concerns. If you are not sure how best to answer, you can say: “I do not know exactly how to answer your question, but I am sure that I will always be there for you, and I love you. The fact that we are parting with mom (dad) does not mean that I do not love you. "
3. 3 Talk to the right people. You should reach out to other important people close to your children and inform them about the divorce. They will look after your children when they are at school or not around you. You will be able to find out about how the children are doing and will be advised if you have any concerns about their behavior due to the breakup of the family.
   • You can tell these close people: “My husband and I recently separated. I am worried about how this might affect children. I know this will be a difficult time for them. Can I ask you to observe the children in the next few weeks or months and report problems to me? "
4. 4 Stick to a daily routine, go about your daily activities. Keeping your daily routine with your children day in and day out can help them accept divorce in the same way. Most children feel safer when they know what to expect, especially during times of shock.
   • You and your partner should agree on a daily routine or schedule and then share that schedule with the children. This way, the kids will know what to expect each day and understand that both of you can still be relied on.
   • Punishments and rewards for children should also not be different, even if they end up in different homes after a divorce. You and your partner should establish the same rules, requirements, rewards for children so that they have a sense of stability and integrity.You and your partner should avoid exaggerating or adjusting the rules for children, as this can confuse or anger them.
5. 5 Treat your ex-partner with respect. Don't talk badly about your ex in front of your children, as this can create a lot of tension and lead to conflict. If you find it difficult to be around your ex, at least you should focus on being polite and respectful for the sake of the children.
   • Avoid quarreling or swearing with your ex in front of your children, as this will only upset them further. It's important to show your kids that you can still be reliable and caring parents, even if you don't get along with each other.
   • You should also not use your children as intermediaries or as a means of pressure on your ex-spouse. This can lead to further emotional problems in children and create even more tension between all family members.
6. 6 Ask a qualified professional who can help your children. If it becomes obvious that the children are going through a difficult parting, and you do not have the strength to properly cheer them up, think about it - it might be worth contacting a therapist or psychologist. Some children may need professional help and support so that they can cope with family breakdown and grow up to be healthy individuals, without psychological trauma.
   • You can see a child psychotherapist or a psychologist with experience working with children facing separation and divorce.
   • You, too, may need counseling or therapy to deal with the breakup. This way, you will be able to better support your children and be with them during this difficult time.

Part 3 of 3: Supporting Children After a Breakup

1. 1 Let your kids stay in touch with former family members and friends. The fact that you and your ex-spouse are separated does not mean that your children will immediately distance themselves from all former family members and friends for life. You should try to encourage your children to stay in touch with the ex's family and close friends, as this will give them a sense of stability and comfort.
   • You need to allow children to spend time with family and old friends. Also, try to use the same babysitters as before the breakup.
   • Allowing your kids to stay in touch with those they met before the breakup guarantees them a safe social circle. This will help children develop into healthy personalities and safely cope with the difficulties associated with divorce.
2. 2 Observe child support rules and other financial agreements. You and your partner are more likely to come to a child support agreement during the divorce. Live up to your financial obligations and your spouse should do the same. This will reduce confrontation between you and ensure that your kids don't get caught up in arguments about money.
   • If you and your spouse are having problems with child support and / or other financial agreements, you should discuss them privately and privately. Do not involve children in the conversation or make them hostage to your conflicts. This will only increase the tension and intensity of passions.
3. 3 Maintain a supportive atmosphere around your children. You and your ex-spouse should do everything you can to be good parents to your children, even if you are no longer together. Create a calm and healthy home environment for the children. It is also important to keep your needs and health in mind so that you can be close and supportive to your children.
   • Eat healthy and exercise regularly. Take the time to take care of yourself and meet your needs.
   • It is also helpful to socialize and meet with close friends and family. They can offer you support when you need it and, in turn, make sure you are able to support your children.
4. 4 If you have decided on a new relationship, first discuss it with the children. You must consider the best interests of the children if / when you decide to date someone again. Take your time, bide your time - it is important not to scare the children by quickly entering into a new relationship. If you are in a serious relationship, you should talk to your children about what is going on. Let them know that you think you are ready to move on, and keep them informed about what is happening so that they feel significant and involved in what is happening.
   • You should also let the kids know if / when you decide to live with someone. Such decisions can upset them, especially if it happens soon after the breakup. Discuss what they think and listen before moving on.
5. 5 Provide yourself with support. It is necessary that all of you have someone to whom you can turn to in difficult times. Breakups can be difficult for all parties, and you need someone to help you deal with stress or anxiety when needed.
   • Rely on professional help from psychologists and psychotherapists. You may decide to make an appointment with a specialist for individual counseling, so that you can then use his advice for children.
   • You can also get support from, for example, a close circle of friends or family. You can have a dinner with friends or a family dinner with relatives once a week to keep your kids comfortable.