Show Empathy - tips

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Showing empathy is one of the most important skills every person should have. To do this, you must put yourself in the shoes of others to know how they see life. Showing interest and listening when others speak is the best and simplest way to start. Once you are comfortable with that, learn to use actions and words in a way that the person feels supported and understood. It may take time and effort to get used to showing empathy, but the results you get are deep connections with others and a happier life.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Improve listening skills

Give all your attention to the other person so they feel special. Don't put distracting things (like a phone or a computer) in line of sight, so that you can focus your full attention on the other person. This is a way to make the other person feel secure and have more courage to comfortably talk to you, because they know that you respect and care about their thoughts and feelings.
- For example, if you're composing an email and someone you want to chat with, take your eyes off your laptop for a few minutes so you can listen attentively to them.
- If you are accidentally distracted, you will return to the conversation by saying “I'm sorry, can you repeat what you just said? I have not heard the end clearly ”.
Avoid interrupting to show respect for the speaker. Don't get your thoughts and feelings into the conversation. Remember that it's time to focus on the other person's thoughts and feelings! You need to give them the opportunity to speak with their full heart without being interrupted.
- You may be anxious to give advice, but know that the best way to help someone is to listen to them.
- If the speaker pauses or doesn't know how to proceed, you can encourage them by saying, "Go ahead, don't be shy!" or "How's it going after that?".
Make eye contact with them and nod once in a while to let them know you are still listening. Motivating body language will let the person know that you are interested in the conversation. Sit or stand up straight, face the other person, make eye contact with them, and nod your head every now and then so that they can feel your attention and watching.
- Sometimes it seems cold to nod in silence. You can totally say "I see" or "Oh, really".
- Don't roll your eyes around the room, but avoid staring at the other person as well. While this skill takes time to perfect, it does!
- The implicit principles of eye contact may vary in culture or situation; So, you should learn to tune. For example, Americans or Canadians often look into each other's eyes for longer than Japanese or Asians. However, a person with autism will feel threatened when the other person keeps staring at them.
Acknowledge another person's feelings to show agreement and understanding. Acknowledging the other person's feelings will make them feel heard and accepted. Besides paying attention to what they say, you also need to be mindful of the emotional state they show through their intonation, tone of voice, enthusiasm (or indifference), facial expressions, posture, etc. When you understand their feelings, accept them by saying:
- "It seems that you are facing a lot of things right now."
- “I'm sorry to hear what happened to you. That is a difficult situation ”.
- "I can feel the difficulties you have."
Avoid making judgments so you can see things from their perspective. Don't rush to give your personal opinion so that you have a chance to understand what the person has seen and experienced. You don't have to agree with everything they say, but being objective will show them that you care about their point of view.
- Taking the time to really understand the other person's point of view is an important part of empathy.
- Judgment is a natural human habit. Since ancient times, our ancestors knew how to make judgments to identify dangerous people and situations. It takes effort to let go of this natural tendency.
Rephrase or summarize what the other person says so they know you are always listening. When the person stops talking or when there is a pause in the conversation, briefly rephrase what they just said. You can make a general summary, reiterate the main idea, or acknowledge the feelings they shared. Do whatever suits the situation. Here are a few suggestions for you:
- “It seems that you are very sad because your brother still hasn't returned the loan amount. This is indeed not easy ”.
- “I think you're excited about Nam's good news! This is really a big step forward for him ”.
- You can also rephrase your content as a question as this will give the other person a chance to see your feelings. For example: "Did you say you felt uncomfortable in the situation?"
Ask again when you don't understand something. If you have any questions, don't be afraid to ask them when they stop talking or at the end of the conversation. Asking questions will show the person that you really want to understand what their position is and the answer will help you to understand their point of view. You can ask questions like:
- "So what did he do during your previous meeting?"
- “How did she react when you shared that good news?
- "What makes you think you're a loser?"
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Method 2 of 3: Deeper connections

Share your experiences so they feel understood and less lonely. Listening is very important, but empathy is often formed from two sides. Sharing private stories or your own experiences can create an emotional bond between you and the person you are facing, especially if you have experienced something similar. You should not, though, arbitrarily reveal your personal experiences; instead, consider and make an informed decision. You can tell a few stories like:
- “A while ago my mother said I didn't do anything. I feel very bad ”.
- “I feel the same way after I graduate. The feeling of helplessness when having to find a direction is inevitable ”.
- “I also encountered a similar situation when I decided to divorce. Child custody is the toughest battle of my life ”.
Provide helpful feedback or information without turning the conversation on your “stage”. Giving feedback and sharing helpful thoughts and ideas can make the conversation deeper and more interactive. In addition, it also allows the other person to perceive their situation in a more positive way or to give them more options to consider. Just make sure you don't let the conversation revolve around yourself! Give the person positive feedback after they've vented. You can say:
- “Last year I had the same thing with my girlfriend. When we actively confronted the incident, it became easier to breathe. Maybe this way will help your situation? "
- “I have never experienced something like that, but I will probably react by saying / making / expressing _____.”
- “I understand what you said. So, have you thought of trying ______ yet? ”
Avoid telling them what to do or how they feel to continue the conversation. Don't try to direct or control another person's feelings after they've expressed their feelings of gratitude. It can be helpful to offer a solution, but advising someone to face or solve a problem after a conversation will make them feel like their feelings are being rejected. For example, you should avoid things like:
- "You shouldn't worry too much about other people's thinking." Telling someone not to worry when it is obvious that they are worried only makes them feel insecure and less comfortable talking to you.
- "Now it sounds like a big deal, but later on you'll find it not worth the trouble." Young people often get this advice from adults. Remember that the other person's feelings are still the most important.
Show interest by asking how you can help. Offering help is a way of showing others that you are willing to do something for them without ever paying back. Often your help is all the person needs to feel welcome, understood, and less lonely. When they accept your offer of help, be sure to show up and do what you promised. For example, you could say:
- “I'm always here when you need it. What can I do right now to make you feel better? "
- "What should I do to make you feel better?"
- “I'm always ready to help when you need it. Just tell me and I'll be there. ”
Comfort with a loving gesture if you feel it is right. Although you can't do this with everyone, if you're close with the person, give them a hug, put your arms around their shoulders, or gently touch their arms and hands. Touching contributes to a bond between the two of you, and many people find it comforting.
- Some people don't like touch gestures. Remember that everyone is different! You should only do what is appropriate for the situation.
- If you are not close to your crush, ask if they are comfortable for a hug. For example, you would say "Would you like a hug?".
- A pat on the back will suit almost any situation if you don't know what to do.
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Method 3 of 3: Cultivate empathy

Get rid of your prejudices and prejudices to see life with more objective eyes. You may feel a shock when you realize that what you once believed or thought to be true is inherently subconscious prejudice. Take the time to identify your prejudices before making a judgment or refusing to accept someone. Rather than focus on the differences, you should learn what the two have in common.
- For example, try not to consider the other person a "stickman", "terrorist" or "gangster".
Join a volunteer organization to learn more about other people's lives. Volunteering creates bonds between you and people you have not had the opportunity to meet in everyday life.Interacting with them and witnessing their struggles will help you see their world through their own lens. Check your local information for who needs help.
- For example, you can volunteer at a charity home or Red Cross.
- Get information at local volunteer organizations that can help street children, survivors of abuse, and post-addicts.
Proactively explore other people's lives. You can challenge talking to at least one stranger per week to get a glimpse of their world. However, don't question them; you just come get acquainted and chat with them. Try to explore topics other than weather, even though weather is a good conversation topic!
- To start a conversation with a stranger, ask questions about the book they're reading. Another way is to ask someone for help or explain what's going on around you. Smile in a friendly manner and speak slowly.
- If you feel threatened or uncomfortable, end the conversation and withdraw immediately. Trust your intuition.
Use your imagination to put yourself in someone else's shoes. Sure, you can't imagine every incident that other people have, but you can use your imagination to partly know their feelings. For example, if you see a homeless person asking for money on the street, you can imagine what it would be like to live in a sun shining sun.
- Research shows that people who often read fictional content have a better understanding of people's emotions, behaviors, and intentions. Read more books and learn about these unhappy lives to broaden your horizons.
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