Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Release your anger productively
• Method 2 of 3: Controlling and preventing anger
• Method 3 of 3: Understanding your anger
• Tips
• Warnings

Anger is a natural human emotion, and it doesn't always have to be negative. It can make you realize that you have been hurt or that a certain situation requires change. It is important to learn to process that anger and respond to it appropriately. Regular feelings of anger have been linked to a higher risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, depression and difficulty sleeping. This is especially true if you are experiencing extremely explosive anger, or if you are extremely suppressing your anger. Fortunately, there are healthy ways in which you can learn to understand, process, and express your anger.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Release your anger productively

1. Get some exercise. If you are upset, some exercise can help you. Research at the University of Georgia states that moderate exercise (such as running or cycling) during or right after a bad experience can help you manage anger. Exercise produces endorphins. Endorphins are chemicals that make you feel good, more positive and happy. If you are unable to run or bike, consider walking, stretching, or other lighter forms of exercise.
   • Exercise can also have a preventive effect. Research at Yale suggests that running for an unpleasant experience for long periods can weaken the severity of your emotional response.
   • Even if you can't make time for a full exercise plan when you're upset, you can at least try to get in for a few moments. Try to get out of the situation that makes you angry, if possible. Give your limbs a good shake. Even minor physical distractions can help you feel better.
2. Check your breathing. Taking deep breaths from your diaphragm (the large muscle at the bottom of your lungs that helps you breathe) can relieve feelings of anger. Deep, controlled breathing lowers your heart rate, stabilizes blood pressure and relaxes your body. Combine your breathing exercises with a mantra, or a soothing word or phrase, for added effect.
   • Find a quiet place to relax. Make yourself comfortable. Lie down if you like, and loosen tight or uncomfortable clothing.
   • Place your hand on your abs.
   • Inhale slowly through your nose. Concentrate on filling the abdomen with as much air as possible when you inhale. Relax your abs while inhaling. You should now feel your belly expand. Hold this breath for a few seconds.
   • Exhale gently through your mouth. Contract your abs to force all the air out of your lungs.
   • Repeat this process at least ten times.
   • If you still have trouble taking a deep breath, buy a bottle of bubble blower from the toy store. Hold the stick in front of your face and breathe gently through it. Concentrate on exhaling from your lower abdominal muscles; push the air up and out. Breathing evenly, steadily will create a stream of bubbles. If your bubbles pop or don't come out, adjust your breathing until they do.
3. Practice progressive muscle relaxation. Progressive muscle relaxation requires you to focus on engaging and relaxing certain muscle groups in your body. It thus distracts you from your anger. In addition, it is an excellent way to shake off stress and worries. That, too, can help ease your feelings of anger. In addition, this exercise helps you fall asleep when your thoughts run wild at night.
   • If possible, move to a quiet, comfortable place and find somewhere to sit.
   • Focus on a particular muscle group, such as the muscles in one hand. During the deep and slow inhalation you tighten those muscles as hard as possible. Hold that tension for about 5 seconds. For example, you need to make a fist to tighten your hand muscles. Focus on that muscle group, and try to avoid tightening surrounding muscles.
   • Exhale and release the tension on that muscle group. Concentrate on the tension released from those muscles. Allow yourself to relax for about 15 seconds before moving to another muscle group.
   • Other muscle groups you can try include those in your feet, lower legs, upper legs, buttocks, stomach, chest, neck and shoulders, mouth, eyes, and forehead.
   • You can also start at your feet and slowly work your way up to your forehead. Tighten every muscle group in between. As you release the tension on each muscle group, imagine the anger leaving your body along with that tension.
4. Conduct an anger release ceremony. Concentrated activities can help you turn your angry energy into a productive utterance. That way, you can put your immediate anger behind you. Research has shown that anger can temporarily increase your creative thinking and brainstorming skills. Try to involve your imagination and consciously release your anger in a controlled, creative way.
   • For example, look for a quiet place and shake your body. Imagine literally shaking off anger, like a dog shaking off the water after a shower.
   • You can also write your angry thoughts on a piece of paper and slowly tear it apart. Imagine destroying your angry feelings too.
   • If you are artsy, try drawing or painting the feelings you are experiencing. Try to transfer your feelings from your body to your work of art.
5. Use a stress ball. Using a stress ball can help ease the immediate feelings of anger. Because they require you to contract and relax a certain muscle group, the use of a stress ball is also equivalent to progressive muscle relaxation. However, the use of a stress ball is only a finger in the dike, and should be combined with other techniques to achieve long-term results.
   • It's better to use a stress ball than to express your anger by kicking, smashing, or throwing things. Explosive actions like these can cause harm or pain; often it only makes you angrier.
6. Find something funny or silly. Bland humor can help defuse your anger. A major root cause of much anger is the feeling that our ideas about a particular situation or experience are always right, and that things should go the way we expected. Using humor to approach and dissect these ideas can help you calm down and control the anger.
   • The American Psychological Association recommends that if someone calls you a derogatory name, imagine that name literally. For example, if you are so angry with your boss that you call him a “flapper turd,” imagine him as such, “a turd of non-solid substance, as a sign of sickness.” This kind of humor can help you relieve tension .
   • Watching fun or cute videos online can also improve your mood. Humans are biologically programmed to find things like big-eyed puppies and fat little babies cute. We have chemical happiness response when we see those things.
   • Avoid sarcastic or crude humor. This will only make you angry, and it can hurt other people.
7. Listen to soothing music. Listening to music can be an excellent distraction technique to let go of your anger. However, it is important that you listen to soothing music. If you're already feeling angry, music with an aggressive beat or angry lyrics will only amplify your negative feelings.
   • Look for calm, calming music that can ease your anger. When you're angry, you get upset in part because your brain is in fight-or-flight mode. The British Academy of Sound Therapy has put together a playlist of songs that, according to scientific research, are “relaxing”. This list includes, among others, songs from Marconi Union ("Weightless"), Airstream ("Electra") and Enya ("Watermark").
8. Repeat self-calming statements. Find a statement that means a lot to you, and try to focus on that statement when you repeat it. You can even repeat a few different statements. Here are a few you can try:
   • "This situation is only temporary."
   • "I can get through this."
   • "I may not like it, but it won't kill me."
   • "I'll keep my cool."
   • "It's not worth getting angry about this."

Method 2 of 3: Controlling and preventing anger

1. Create an “anger plan”. Since it can be quite difficult to reduce your anger in the moment, try to make a plan ahead of time. Follow the steps in this plan to help calm yourself when you get angry. Keeping this plan in mind will help you manage your anger productively.
   • For example, you can choose to take a "time-out" when you are getting angry. In this case, you just tell the other person to cool down for a moment.
   • If you are having a conversation that makes you angry, such as a heated discussion about politics or religion, try to change the subject.
2. Restructure your thinking. Cognitive restructuring can help you experience anger less often. Anger often exaggerates reactions to events and experiences. This will make you lose control. You can change the way you think about certain experiences and goals. This can help keep you from getting angry at all, and can help keep your anger in check if you do get it.
   • Avoid totaling words like “never” or “always”. Anger tends to obscure our memories of experiences. These words also hurt others and make people on the defensive; and that while they should become cooperative. Rather than saying things like "I'm always such an idiot," or "You never remember what's really important, focus on what's actually happening. You may find it helpful to state a clear fact, such as “I forgot my phone” or “You forgot our appointment”. That way you can keep everything in perspective.
   • Stay logical and rational.This is easier said than done, of course, but reminding yourself of negative experiences that make you feel angry is not the only experience you will have that day. Keep in mind that the irritation, however severe it may seem, is temporary. This will help you overcome your angry feelings more quickly.
3. Approach situations flexibly. It is easy to assume that your first impression of a situation or experience is the "right one," and that it is difficult to let go of the idea that every situation contains some kernel of objective truth. If you are more flexible when it comes to approaching situations and experiences, you will be less able to deal with them furiously.
   • If someone comes to the supermarket, you may assume that he / she doesn't care about your needs and that he / she is rude. That assumption can make you angry. While that assumption may be true, it is not very productive. If you approach that experience flexibly - for example by imagining that the person has not seen you or that he / she is dealing with a stressful situation - you will let go of your personal anger more easily.
4. Teach assertiveness. Developing an assertive communication style allows you to take more control over your own life. This will make you experience less fear and anger. Assertive communication and assertive behavior is not about arrogance or selfishness. The point is to be able to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and needs to others clearly and calmly, and to do so openly and honestly. If you are not honest about your needs, then others will never be able to meet them. That experience can make you feel angry, depressed, or unloved.
   • Uses statements in the "me" form, such as, "I'm a little confused about what you said" or "I would like you to be on time when we go to the cinema together."
   • Avoid threats, attacks on the person, and swear words.
   • Use cooperative statements and invite others to voice their opinions.
   • Be as direct and clear as possible about your desires and needs. For example, if you're invited to a party you don't want to go to, don't say something like, "Well, I think I should go there." Instead, politely state that you don't want to go: "To be honest, I'd rather not come."
5. Try to meditate. Meditation not only reduces stress and relieves depression, but can also help you stay calm during bad experiences. Recent research at Harvard has shown that meditation has a positive effect on brain function, especially in the field of emotional processing. The study explored two types of meditation: “mindfulness” and “metta meditation”. Although practitioners of both variants experienced reduced feelings of anxiety and anger, the metta meditation was even more effective than mindfulness alone.
   • Mindfulness meditation focuses on being fully present in the here and now, on being aware of and accepting your own physical experiences. This type of meditation is similar to the type of meditation you would do in yoga.
   • Meta meditation, also called meditation on loving-kindness, is based on a number of lo-jong (practices of Tibetan Buddhists), which focus on feelings of loving-kindness towards others. For this type of meditation you may need guidance before you can practice it effectively yourself.
6. Get plenty of sleep. Sleep deprivation can damage your body in several ways. This includes, among other things, physical stress and an increased risk of mood disorders such as depression and anxiety. Sleeping poorly or too little can also cause you to become extra irritable, suffer from mood swings, and make you feel angry more often than usual.
   • Sleep experts recommend that the average adult sleep at least seven or eight hours a night. Depending on your own needs, a little shorter than that will suffice or you may need a little more sleep.
7. Share your experiences with the person who angered you. Once you let go of your angry feelings, it can be helpful to share your feelings and experiences with the person who made you angry. If someone hurt you by ignoring you at a party, talk to them calmly and explain why it hurt you. This can help him / her understand how his / her behavior has affected you. It can also ensure that you gain more control over the situation.
   • It is very important to wait with this until you have processed the anger. If you approach them while you are still angry, you will only make the situation worse. You can also hurt them with it. Always use nonviolent communication when interacting with others.
8. Visit a therapist. A therapist can help you uncover the underlying feelings and motivations of your fear. This is especially helpful if your feelings and their causes are not completely clear to you. Cognitive therapy, where therapists help you learn to view experiences differently, can be very helpful in managing anger.

Method 3 of 3: Understanding your anger

1. Recognize problematic anger. Most people experience some mild weariness a few times each week. In some cases, it's perfectly normal to get angry - if someone has offended or hurt you, for example. However, you must learn to recognize the signs of “problematic” anger.
   • Do you often scream or swear when you are angry? Do you verbally rant against others?
   • Does your anger lead to physical aggression? How serious is the expression of this aggression? Less than 10% of normal tantrums involve physical aggression. So if you have to deal with it often, it may indicate that something more serious is going on.
   • Do you feel the need to play your own doctor when you are angry - by prescribing drugs, alcohol, or foods?
   • Do you feel that your anger is negatively affecting your personal relationships, your job, or your overall health? Have other people expressed that concern as well?
2. Learn to read your body. Anger, especially in women, can produce a variety of physical symptoms. Women are often social and cultural pressures and taught to avoid openly expressing hostility and anger. Physical tension, muscle pain, rapid breathing, and headaches are all symptoms that can be linked to anger. Understanding when you are really angry, rather than suppressing that knowledge, can help you process your anger.
   • Anxiety, depression, and insomnia can also be associated with anger.
3. Review the anger patterns in your family history. The way your parents and other family members express their anger can have a significant impact on the way you deal with your anger. How did your family members express their anger in your childhood? Did your parents openly or suppress their anger?
4. Keep an anger journal. Writing down your emotions in detail is a way to get in touch with your feelings and find out the reason behind your anger. Do not only reflect on what happened during a particular event or experience, but also how you reacted to it and how your train of thought went. While writing, try not to judge your feelings. Just express them so that you can become aware of what you are feeling. Awareness is a critical first step in processing and overcoming anger. For each note, ask yourself the following questions:
   • What sparked your feelings of anger or stress? Were you feeling stressed before the incident happened?
   • What thoughts did you feel about this experience?
   • In a school from 0 to 100, how angry do you think you felt?
   • Have you lashed out at others, or have you internalized your anger?
   • Have you experienced physical symptoms, such as an increased heart rate or headache?
   • How would you prefer to respond? Did you want to yell, attack someone, or break something? And how did you actually react?
   • How did you feel after the incident or the experience?
5. Learn to recognize your triggers. In many people, anger is triggered by specific thoughts or incidents. You can use your anger journal to learn to recognize certain patterns that most often trigger your anger. Trigger thoughts can generally be divided into two categories: a) the feeling that you are in danger of pain / harm, and b) the feeling that you have actually been hurt / harmed in a certain way.
   • A common trigger is when someone does not or has not done what you expected of him / her. For example, if you've been meeting a friend for lunch and he doesn't show up, you may feel angry that he didn't do what you expected him to do.
   • Another common trigger is feeling that someone is hurting you / hurting you, even in the most mundane way. If you are cut off in traffic, have computer problems, or keep getting called by an unknown number, for example. These things happen on a daily basis, but can have real, negative consequences. This can make you worry about being harmed / hurt. Those concerns can trigger real anger.
   • Feeling like you haven't achieved a personal goal or satisfied a personal need can also trigger anger. This anger is directed at you.
   • Feeling like you're being disadvantaged, that people aren't coming to your aid, or that people don't care about you can also be a trigger - especially in the workplace, and in romantic relationships.

Tips

• Using these strategies is a good start in the heat of battle. Just make sure you also do your emotional homework by analyzing and processing your anger. This will make you less angry anyway.
• If possible, try to avoid situations that trigger your anger. For example, if you have strong political or religious beliefs, try to avoid discussions about this.
• It is often wise to see a therapist, even if you are not even that very angry. Many people think their problems must be earth-shaking before they can turn to mental health care. However, therapy can be excellent preventative care!

Warnings

• If you find yourself often lashing out at others or yourself when you are angry, or if you often take refuge in drugs or alcohol, seek professional mental health care. It's important to seek help so that you don't harm yourself or others.
• Don't use physical aggressiveness to release your anger, such as breaking things, hitting, or kicking. These actions may seem to help, but research shows that they only increase your anger.