Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Getting rid of insecurities caused by your inner critic
• Part 2 of 3: Changing your behavior
• Part 3 of 3: Implementing psychological changes

Insecurity is one of the biggest problems that can affect our interpersonal relationships and more importantly, the relationship we have with ourselves. Feeling insecure, whether alone or in company, can lead to self-destruction from over-restraint. When you are insecure it is impossible to express and act to your greatest potential and take those small, everyday risks that lead to new experiences and new possibilities. A more secure feeling is the prelude to a thorough personal transformation. The courage and perseverance required to keep going makes being able to trust ourselves and the world we live in very rewarding.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Getting rid of insecurities caused by your inner critic

1. Connect with your inner critic. Your inner critic is that stubborn little voice in your head that takes every opportunity to make you feel even more horrible about even the smallest of perceived flaws, failures, and imperfections. Take a moment to really listen to your inner critic. Sometimes we are so eager to turn off our negative inner voices that we don't really hear what is actually being said.
2. Get to know your inner critic better. Listen to your inner critic under different circumstances and notice the themes and similarities that these criticisms have in common. Linking a face, character, or specific voice to your inner critic will help you to listen more deeply and get to the core of the messages about yourself that your inner critic is sending.
   • This can be difficult for someone who is unable to concretely visualize a person or a role that matches the inner critic. This may be a sign that the inner critic is not someone you have to reconcile with on a relational level, but that you are not living up to your own expectations and values.
3. Become good friends with your inner critic. Friendship does not mean accepting verbatim what your inner critic says. A friend is someone you can challenge without any problems and who loves you regardless of the transformations you undergo. Accept the presence of your inner critic and be willing to lovingly accept and challenge what that critic says. Your inner critic can express an important need that is not being met, but in a distorted way.
   • For example, your inner critic may tell you that you are worthless, from which you can infer that you have to work on it to feel worthy and worthy, something that is not being fulfilled. This involves turning an unworkable sense of worthlessness into a new mission to fulfill your need to feel worthy of yourself, which can be met by doing something as simple as asking for confirmation from someone you love.
4. Tell your inner critic when it's time to get scratching. As with all sincere relationships, it is important to know when to heed warnings and objections. Once you've gotten a good sense of what your inner critic tends to focus on, you can decide to challenge your inner critic and the negativity he brings into your life.
   • Making the "conscientious" decision to change your inner critic makes a big difference. You give a clear signal to that part of yourself that is not productive and critical.

Part 2 of 3: Changing your behavior

1. Stand upright. Improving your posture is one of the best (though seemingly indirect) ways to eliminate insecurity. By standing and sitting upright, your body signals your brain that it is capable and ready for action.
   • Likewise, it is important that you pay attention to the clothes you wear. Even if you work at home or in an informal setting, you can still exchange your normal clothes for clothes that give you a slightly more enthusiastic feeling about your day.
2. Create a simple but regular morning ritual. The morning can be one of the more tense times of the day, especially when you have to go to work. This is when we become aware of all the things we need to do, which creates the fear and insecurity in ourselves that we won't be able to get through the day. By developing a morning ritual, we can soothe these uncertain thoughts that come to mind by knowing that we can count on, for example, the freshly brewed coffee that is ready for you when you have finished your shower.
3. Shift your focus from criticism to praise. Have you ever noticed that you pay attention to that one little comment that came on an assignment, ignoring all the compliments that went further? Living in a corrective society (focused on problems rather than positivity) tends to drag us down with a lot of force. Fortunately, the choice is yours you to choose where to focus on reviews, grades, etc.
   • If your superior tells you something like, "you've done a great job so far, but I'd like you to rearrange the files you're working on," you can respond with (1) gratitude for the recognition , (2) a comment about what you love about work, (3) and after that a response to the request for an adjustment of the good work done. By giving more weight to the compliments you receive, you will see how others can positively contribute to your increasing feelings of security.
     • Notice the difference between the emphasis placed on the compliment against the problem, compared to a standard response or an apology and a promise to change in the required way.
4. Increase your competence in certain areas. Is there a skill or ability that you have always admired in others? Take the time to learn to do something that you have always valued. Speed ​​reading? Make a latte? To play the piano? Increasing your competence will make you feel more secure as it strengthens your natural talents and builds the concrete skills you need to share them with the rest of the world.
   • Don't forget to focus only on the things that really matter to you. You may know that you value this skill or ability because you tend to put others who have it on a pedestal. The idea is to make use of the certainty that this is a skill is that you really value. Otherwise, the uncertainty of your choice, “do I have to learn this skill?” Will mess with your confidence that you can gain by learning it.
5. Organize your desk. By making your tools more accessible, you get rid of micro-moments of uncertainty about not having the things you need to hand. These micro-moments can add up and come back to thwart your bigger decisions and attitudes. Since your desk is something that you absolutely "can" control, knowing that your paperclips are in the top left drawer, along with the stapler, will bring a sense of flow and ease to your daily activities.
   • This, as well as other triumphs of day-to-day management (wiping the desk clean, keeping up with the news, etc.) can and must all are considered minor victories. To stay aware of all your little victories, make a list of things you take for granted. Go ahead and praise yourself for the little wins on your list by giving yourself an appropriate reward!
6. Choose your environment with care. Surround yourself with people who make you feel good enough to get creative and discover yourself, with all the associated uncertainties. Because you are responsible for your own feelings of security, it is important to stand your ground socially. This includes being assertive about your needs and even choosing to distance yourself from those who are not supportive or compassionate.
   • Ask yourself the following questions as honestly as possible: “Who in my environment makes me feel inferior? Who makes me feel like my contributions don't matter? ” It may surprise (and shock) you to learn that people we love make us self-effacing and suppress our true feelings. It is common to fear that you will not be accepted because of your deepest feelings and needs, even if everyone has them!
7. Express what you want and make suggestions. Feeling safer means learning to trust that you will be heard and not ignored. By formulating requests and suggestions well, others can get an idea of ​​your unique contributions and perspectives, without feeling too demanding.
   • Suppose you are discussing with your partner what vegetables to buy for dinner, and you are too tired to go to the supermarket yourself. Instead of complaining that the other person does household chores much less often than you do, or some other argument about who should "rightly" bear the burden, express your tiredness. You can express these feelings openly and honestly in a non-threatening question if the other person wants to take on this task tonight.
     • Remember not to accuse your partner or try to get your partner to feel guilty, as this will only cause the other person to become defensive and resist. People do not respond well when they feel they are being manipulated into doing something instead of acting of their own accord.
8. Take a conscious, flexible attitude in social situations. People who want a little more security often have a strong sense of pleasing others, which often leads to self-negligence and a decrease in the sense of security. But the same impulse to submit to the demands of others can cause you to knowingly step outside your comfort zone. Experimenting with different social conditions will convince you that you are capable of more than you think. It will also powerfully introduce you to the real security in your life - yourself.
   • It may be surprising ... how can your constant efforts to please others make you more confident? The difference is in your own consciousness. For example, if a friend invites you to a new club that looks intimidating, you may decide to go anyway because you feel insecure about your status in the eyes of your friend. However, you can consider this impulse as well as a new, flexible attitude, reminding yourself that you are teaching yourself to cope with unfamiliar circumstances more easily. Being aware when you are busy meeting the expectations of others and taking the opportunity to experience something new will boost your confidence in your own actions.

Part 3 of 3: Implementing psychological changes

1. Remind yourself of the invisibility of your insecurities. In social situations, do you get the feeling that everyone can somehow see that you are overflowing with nerves and worries? Fortunately, no one but you has access to your thoughts.You can feel a bit more comfortable knowing that you are your own strictest judge and that chances are the people around you are also concerned about making a good impression.
   • This idea coincides with the fact that when push comes to shove, you are responsible for creating yourself own criteria. Being right or wrong based on other people's standards can never match your feelings as closely as your own perspective can.
2. Visualize a moment of extreme confidence. Try to picture as vividly as possible a moment when you made way with a lot of enthusiasm and motivation for unshakable self-confidence, and what the accompanying feeling was. Visualization can give wings to your ability to open a frame of mind where you see your strengths, as well as the possibilities in the world that they may be able to support.
   • In addition to visualizing your confident self, you can also visualize a role model. Visualizing a role model that both supports and challenges you will make it easier to envision and adopt a mental state of full motivation.
3. Get used to putting your emotional side aside. When you really want to consciously focus on problems and failure in your life, it's important to keep an emotional distance, to protect yourself from being overly preoccupied. The inability to look at problems from a distance that can actually trigger feelings of insecurity will cause a greater influx of insecure feelings and take up time to spend on other things.
   • Be aware that keeping emotional distance can be a powerful tool for more perspectives on yourself and your situation, only when you have already explored the problem with your emotions. It is most helpful to start from the full range of angles, both emotionally and from a distance. So viewing something from a distance works best for those people who tend to respond in an emotional way to begin with.
4. Train yourself to see the positive aspects of your failures and insecurities. One person's junk is the other's treasure. Rather than trying to deny or change your flaws, do your best to explore what they can mean for you.
   • Remember, these aren't always obvious and take some creative guesswork. For example, if you don't get the job you wish you had, focus on the fact that now you have the opportunity to find something that is better for you in the long run. If you've been thinking all the time about how weird you look when you're jogging, just remember that the right person might find your gait your most lovable quality.