Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: How to Prepare for an Event
• Method 2 of 3: Preparing for your trip
• Method 3 of 3: How to behave at an event
• Tips
• Warnings

When holidays or important family gatherings are approaching, many people get nervous, and those with autism can find it particularly difficult. The daily routine is disrupted, overly talkative relatives invade your personal space, and you have to find yourself in places where you usually do not go. Family gatherings are not always easy to get through, but you can reduce the stress of those gatherings and adjust to them.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: How to Prepare for an Event

1. 1 Gather information about the event. When you know that you will need to attend a family event, find out all the details of the upcoming event. Try to gather as much information as possible to avoid unnecessary surprises. Preparation can help you manage your anxiety and calm yourself down. It is important to know at least the following:
   • For what reason is the family going?
   • Where will the event take place?
   • Who will be present?
   • How long will the event take? (Remember that if the meeting is far away, you will have to spend the night in a new location.)
   • Do you need to bring anything? (Food, gifts, etc.)
   • Is there a dress code?
   • What can you expect from the event? For example, you may be expected to participate in conversations and a joint dinner, pose for joint photographs, and so on.
   • Will there be an opportunity to pause? If so, when and how will you find out? Family activities can be emotionally draining for a person with a lot of irritants. Sometimes during such events there is an opportunity to take a break, walk the dog or be alone for a while.
   • Will there be animals in the house of the person hosting the event?
2. 2 Think about what the biggest problem will be. All people are different, and hyposensitive people will have different problems than hypersensitive people. Analyze what will be the most difficult for you. This will help you understand how to behave and how to deal with emotions during the event.
   • For example, if you prefer to communicate non-verbally, but are afraid that your relatives will not understand you, record your messages using the AAC format. If you are afraid that you will not be able to find food with a very rich taste, ask for separate spices that could be added to the dish individually.
   • Noisy relatives can tire people with autism. If your family members know you have autism, warn them that you can bring earplugs with you. If they don’t know about it or they don’t like earplugs, you will have to find another way to deal with the noise - from self-stimulation to walking on the street.
   • Not everything can go according to plan. Something that you are not ready for may happen. Do not try to anticipate all possible situations - this will only make you nervous again. Better think about which scenario will be most likely, and also think over a few more options for the development of events.
   • Ask others for help. It can sometimes be helpful to have people around you who know you well because they can intervene in an unwanted situation. There is nothing wrong. A loved one will be able to express your desires, help cope with what is happening and offer a successful solution to the problem.
3. 3 Think about topics for conversation. During family events, people talk to each other and ask about the news. Tell them what has happened recently and what you are doing now, and ask them about the same.
   • Think about what interesting things happened to you recently and what you could talk about.
   • Remember what relatives are interested in. At a family event, you will have to talk to relatives, so if you are able to keep up a conversation, be prepared for it. The conversation should not be very long and deep - a polite interest will suffice.
   • If you remember that Aunt Anya is interested in chemistry, and Uncle Kolya is a keen fisherman, ask them questions related to these topics.
   • You can ask people how they spent the summer and what they are doing now.
   • Remember that you may be asked questions about your activities and hobbies.
   • Autistic people are often deeply involved in certain topics. Remember that you will probably have to control yourself in a conversation if people are not interested in what you love. You're lucky if your cousin loves Pokémon as much as you do, but for everyone else, talking about Pokémon will be boring.
4. 4 Schedule events. To prepare for the event, you should make a schedule of everything that will happen that evening. If you visualize the event and prepare yourself for it, the changes in the usual schedule will no longer be so intimidating, since you will know exactly what will happen.
   • Try to rehearse the order of events before the event, in a similar location if possible. This will allow you to adapt, and the upcoming events will no longer seem so complicated and incomprehensible.
   • Remember that plans can change. Often in social situations, things may not turn out as planned. For example, bad weather can change the time of departure or during an event some people may decide to go outside.
5. 5 Consider where you can go if you need to rest. Since family events are often noisy and crowded, you may need a place to relax. Often, bedrooms and other personal spaces are not available in other people's homes, but you can go to the bathroom or to the corridor, where there is no one, to take a little break from the hustle and bustle.
   • If you do not know what the house looks like, where you are going, ask relatives to talk about the layout of the room.
   • If you contact the host in advance (discussed below), it will be easier for you to find a suitable venue during the event.
6. 6 Talk to relatives. Perhaps you have little information about an upcoming event and location, or you are nervous or anxious about various aspects of the trip (for example, transportation or the need to talk to obsessive relatives). Talk to relatives about an upcoming event, ask for their advice. This may make it easier for you to calm down.
   • If you have family members with autism, talk to them. Ask how they prepare and what they know about the event.But be aware that everyone with autism is different, so what works for your family members may not work for you.
7. 7 Think about what methods of overcoming anxiety can be applied at the event. It will be impossible to hide in another room all evening - in this case, it is better not to come there at all. But if you find a method that makes you feel relatively calm, you can get through the meeting. If you already have your own set of such methods, that's great! If not, read online about how other people with autism are dealing with this problem.
   • Deep breathing, meditation, making entries in a diary in a quiet place, concentration on something special (for example, on information coming through one of the senses) are suitable for neurotypics. You can combine these methods to get something that works for you (for example, you can swing in a rocking chair or focus on something that interests you).
   • Can you bring items with you that will block information from a specific sense organ? (For example, earplugs or noise canceling headphones will reduce noise, while sunglasses will hide excess light.)
   • Can you do self-stimulation? If so, what methods would be appropriate in this place and at this time?
   • Can you bring food with you that won't trigger a reaction? (If not, find out if you can prepare it locally.)
8. 8 Bring gifts with you. Gifts are a tradition that often causes difficulties for autistic people. However, family activities most often include this ritual. If you don't know what your relatives will like, buy something that will be useful to them (for example, a new blanket, if the old one is worn out), or a certificate that will allow them to choose a gift for themselves. Buy winter clothes, gift certificates, or items that relatives asked for if you can afford them.
   • Try to give not those things that seem age-appropriate to you, but those that the person will definitely like. Stuffed toys and games may seem like an inappropriate gift for an adult, but if you know your relative loves such things, feel free to give them.
     • At the same time, you should not give children something that is considered unacceptable (for example, something containing profanity, sex-related or indecent).
   • You don't need to spend all your money on a gift. If a person wants something that you cannot afford, then you shouldn't feel obligated to buy that gift.
9. 9 Try to get in touch with the host of the house before the meeting. Talking to the host will help you reschedule the event more comfortably because the person will know in advance what you might need. Explain to him what you need and try to negotiate a compromise solution for you. It is possible that the owner will be happy to help you!
   • If the other family members benefit from this compromise solution, try including them in your plan. For example, say this: "Can we sit on the edge to make it easier to get up and walk away for a while if we want to be in silence?" Or, "Can I bring cornbread with me for all the guests?" But if you think this will not be possible, do not ask.
   • It is up to you to tell about your autism or not, if the person does not know about it. If you are afraid that your condition will be misunderstood, then tell us about your features without mentioning the diagnosis.
   • If the event involves the exchange of gifts and they will also be given to you, please let us know what you would like to receive. Thanks to this, you will surely get something that you love, rather than something that you cannot carry.

Method 2 of 3: Preparing for your trip

The long drive to the meeting point can be as tiring as the meeting itself. It is important to find a way to make travel less energy-intensive.

1. 1 Prepare ahead of time. Doing everything at the last moment is unreasonable for a number of reasons: you may forget something, you will be very nervous about the abundance of things to do and feel bad on the trip. Make a plan of what you need to do and when, and try to start doing everything as early as possible. The sooner you do everything, the less you have to worry.
   • Book your transportation ticket, find accommodation, prepare money, plan a budget and coordinate with relatives as early as possible. Be sure to think about who will keep an eye on the house while you are away (for example, who will feed and walk your dog), and also decide how you will get back.
   • If you need to take a suitcase with you, pack your things at least two days before the trip. If you gather in a hurry on the day of departure, you may forget to take something important.
2. 2 Wear comfortable clothes. Many neurotypicals try to put on comfortable clothes on the road. It is imperative for the autistic to reduce the risk of sensory overload. Take with you things that will be comfortable for you for a long time: a cotton top, a sweater or sweatpants. Do not wear formal or tight clothing.
   • Use the trip as an opportunity to take off your shoes. If you are uncomfortable in your shoes, you can take them off on the plane or in the car. If you are not planning to walk, you don’t need to wear shoes!
   • If your sensory impairments make you uncomfortable in certain clothes, do not wear them on the road, even if the trip is short. Avoid wearing things with letters or labels, wrinkles, or clothing made from materials you don't like.
3. 3 Take along something to keep you busy along the way. If you are a passenger, you probably don't want to look out the window all the way. It's important to keep yourself busy so you don't have to talk to others, especially if it's exhausting for you.
   • You can bring a book, coloring book, Sudoku and crosswords or an electronic device. Keep these things, as well as things that calm you down, close at hand.
   • If you will be taking a laptop, phone or tablet with you, record movies or games in them. Start downloading them early so you can record everything on time. Don't forget to charge your devices.
   • If the journey takes a long time, bring food and drinks with you.
4. 4 Be mindful of your sensory characteristics. Most often, you have to sit on the road for a long time, which can be difficult for both hyper- and hyposensitive people. A hypersensitive person may get seasick, while a hyposensitive person will not have enough stimulation, which will cause boredom. Find a way to solve this problem for yourself.
   • If you are hypersensitive, try to prevent motion sickness in a car or on an airplane, and also try to avoid dizziness. Bring headphones or earplugs with you to muffle the sound of engines or noisy neighbors.
   • If you are hyposensitive, bring along things that keep you busy (this can be anything from toys to electronics).
   • Respect other passengers. Listen to music and watch movies with headphones, do not use devices with bright lights, make loud noises, or disturb the privacy of people around you. Do not fall into the next seat or kick the seat in front.
5. 5 Try to avoid having to drive. Driving requires focusing on many factors at the same time, and it is a tedious activity, especially if you drive for several hours at a time. If you can't avoid driving completely, have someone replace you so you can rest before the event.
   • If you are not driving, ask to make stops when you need them, so as not to overload yourself and not get tired in the car.
6. 6 Prepare for flight. The plane is noisy and can be scary, so it is important to prepare for your flight in advance. If you are sensitive to noise, headphones will help you, but the flight includes more than just the time on board.You will also need to think about how you will get to the airport (which can be tricky during busy holiday times), anticipate waiting times, and prepare for the stress of annoyances. The most important thing to remember is your sensory features, but you can still make it easier for yourself.
   • Put on a medical bracelet and prepare a sign with the following text: "I have autism. Please warn me if I need to be touched." This saves you the trouble of explaining everything.
   • If you alert airport staff that you have autism, they will help you get through all screenings faster and will not be separated from the people you are traveling with. You can also pass checks along the special needs corridor.
   • If you qualify for priority security clearance, you will be able to complete security checks faster and will not be asked to remove your shoes, belt or light jacket. You also don't have to remove electronic devices and liquids from your suitcase. However, you may have to queue up at the airport entrance.
   • Prepare for the possible need for additional verification. Sometimes people are randomly selected for a closer inspection, and the choice may fall on you. It is important to inform the airport employee of your particulars so that they can help you.
   • Prepare for airport waiting times, especially if you have a long connection. There are frequent delays at airports. Take with you things that will keep you busy while you wait for the plane.
7. 7 Think about how you will eat. Hunger will make you more nervous, which increases your risk of emotional overload, tantrums, and other problems. Make sure you have time to eat while on the road. If you cannot go to the cafe, take your food with you.
8. 8 Leave the house early. In order not to rush and not to be nervous, leave early. This will give you time to prepare for the on-site event. Getting out early will also allow you to catch your plane, as airport checks can be time-consuming. Plus, if you have time to spare, you'll be able to stop more often on the road.

Method 3 of 3: How to behave at an event

1. 1 Try to relax from the evening and morning on the day of the activity. This will make it easier for you to withstand the event. Take a warm shower or bath, do what you love, read a good book, jiggle, do something that calms you down and that you enjoy. Pamper yourself, relax, do something pleasant to calm yourself and set yourself up in a positive way.
2. 2 Choose comfortable clothing to match the event. Classic dressy clothes for the holidays can be challenging for people with autism. But in many families, dressy clothes are a tradition, which can make it difficult for a person to decide on an outfit. Talk to your host about clothes ahead of time if possible, and if not, choose clothes that are comfortable for you.
   • Do not wear dirty or torn clothes. This is unacceptable in society.
   • Ask the owner what kind of clothing will work. Formal clothing is not always required. In some families, Christmas gifts are opened in pajamas, so simple flannel pants may work. Weddings usually have a dress code.
   • If you have smart clothes that you feel comfortable in, now is the time to put them on. Don't sacrifice your comfort for a family event.
   • If your clothes are both beautiful and comfortable - great! But if you cannot find things that are comfortable and beautiful at the same time, do not force yourself to wear something smart.
   • In some families, it is customary to take pictures in beautiful clothes. If you have such a tradition in your family, bring an outfit with you (you can even rent it), change for a photo, and then put on comfortable clothes again.
   • Do not comfort yourself with the fact that you will only need to walk around in uncomfortable clothes for a couple of hours. Because of the discomfort, the whole event will turn into torture.
3. 3 Come early. If the meeting is not near your home, arrive early. This way you will have time to get comfortable in your new home, find a quiet place to relax and talk to the owner of the house in a comfortable environment, without shouting over other guests.
4. 4 Talk to the host if necessary. If you haven't spoken to the host before your trip (and even if you did), talk to him now. Say hello and ask for what you might need: a quiet place, a place where you can place your food and gifts. Ask important questions at the very beginning so that you do not have to do this at a time of nervous tension, when it will be difficult for you to express thoughts in words.
5. 5 Set boundaries. At family gatherings, relatives often want to cuddle and discuss controversial or sad topics. It's important to set boundaries and make sure others understand you. Let your family know what you don't like and don't let them do what you don't like.
   • If you do not want to be touched, say so, even if it hurts someone. Anyone can refuse to touch, and that's okay.
   • Avoid conversations that are unpleasant to you. If your family members start discussing politics or religion and you feel uncomfortable talking about it, just say, "I don't want to talk about this topic. Can we discuss something else?" Then you can change the subject.
6. 6 Stimulate yourself as often as needed. Don't be afraid to look different from others. Use techniques that help you calm down. It is better to look strange than to bring yourself to a seizure.
   • In doing so, you should not resort to methods that are too loud or methods that may harm you or others (for example, tearing things up or banging your head against a wall). It is important to choose harmless methods.
   • If you are afraid of looking strange, or if your family is unaware of your autism, do it in private.
   • Buy or make a small pre-event toy to keep your hands busy.
7. 7 Take breaks when you need them. Due to the large number of new people, information and stimuli, you can quickly feel tired and want to be alone. This is fine. If you need a break:
   • Offer your help in the kitchen. For some people, repetitive tasks like washing the dishes or preparing food can help take their minds off the hustle and bustle.
   • Go to a quiet place. Ask not to be disturbed while you are resting. If you cannot close in a quiet place, go to the bathroom and close the door with the latch. It's not ideal, but it's better than nothing. But know that if you stay there for too long, people will start knocking and asking if you are okay.
   • Spend more time in uncrowded rooms. If you cannot leave, look for quieter rooms and stay there. Quiet places can often be found around the perimeter of the room, and your desire to be away from the crowd will not surprise anyone.
   • Ask the owner if he needs your help. Some neurotypes get tired of crowds quickly, especially if the person is introverted. The owner will most likely agree to help you if you explain what the problem is.
8. 8 Ask other people questions. People love to talk about themselves, and if you don't feel like talking, try listening. Find out what the person likes and ask them to tell you more about it.
9. 9 Prepare for your meal. Eating is often a problem for people with autism, and when there is still a lot of conversation at the table at the same time, such people become nervous. If you suspect that your food may be problematic, find ways to minimize the risks and make your meal enjoyable.
   • Try to sit in a quiet corner where you don't have to listen to multiple conversations at the same time. If you are sensitive to odors, ask to remove strong odors from you.
   • Try to offer everyone a game so you don't have to listen to too many conversations.For example, you can ask everyone to express their wishes for the holiday, or tell something about a topic that they find interesting, within 60 seconds.
   • Eat only what you can normally eat. Many people with autism have a range of strict eating habits, which can be attributed to many factors, from oversensitivity to routine. Choose food that you are confident in.
   • Offer your help with food preparation, if possible. Sometimes, if a person with autism helps prepare food, it is easier for them to eat it.
   • It is sometimes helpful to bring large portions of your own food with you. This way you will not only eat yourself, but you will also be able to feed others.
10. 10 Exchange gifts. On holidays, including religious ones, people give and receive gifts. If it is your family's custom to exchange gifts, be prepared for noise and joy from others, especially if there are children at the event. Ask everyone to open gifts one at a time to avoid chaos. If people object, answer that this way everyone can see what they gave to the other. Be mindful of stress management techniques and pause as needed.
    • If you receive a gift that you don't like, don't say that you don't like it. This is considered rude and may hurt the giver's feelings. Smile and thank the person.
    • Guided by good intentions, relatives may accidentally give you things that you cannot handle due to your characteristics. If this happens, thank them and put the item back in the box. You don't have to use it.
    • Get ready for anything. Even if you were not given a noisy, flickering or any other inappropriate gift, another member of your family can receive such a gift as a gift. In this case, ask the person not to use it in your presence or to take it to another room. For example: "Masha, this is a very beautiful toy, but it makes a lot of noise. Could you play with it in the bedroom?"
11. 11 Try chatting with relatives. Often during family meetings, everyone tries to talk to each other about what has happened recently, and small children play with each other or with adults. Get involved in conversations and chat with people if this doesn't seem like an impossible task to you. You can talk about things from school and work to stories you've read about recently. Be prepared to listen to your interlocutor or interlocutors and give them the opportunity to speak.
    • Don't talk about religion, politics and health issues. Don't start talking about these topics. It's better to choose lighter topics like vacations, sports and TV series, as well as relatives who are not at the event (for example, ask your aunt how her husband is doing). If someone wants to talk or even argue about a certain topic, change the topic of the conversation. You can say that you don't want to talk about it, or start a conversation with someone else about a different topic.
    • Some people with autism find it difficult to get along with their peers. You may find it easier to connect with people older or younger than you.
    • If you definitely want to have a conversation, but don't know how to get started, read the article on how to speak to someone when you have nothing to talk about.
12. 12 Don't force yourself to do anything. Don't push yourself into hysterics. Take breaks when you need them and defend your borders. If you feel like you’re ready to break, go to a quiet place and stay there as long as necessary. Your health and well-being are more important than any family gatherings.
    • If you need to leave early, leave. Don't force yourself to stay in a place that is stressful for you.
13. 13 Relax after the event. No matter how you prepare for the event, you will surely be exhausted. Take time to relax and do what you love. Take time to do your favorite activities, do something enjoyable, and pamper yourself. After all, you managed to attend a family reunion!

Tips

• The sooner you discuss the upcoming evening with your host, the better.
• If you are sure that you will not be able to survive the event, refuse to attend. But remember that if you live with a parent or guardian, you may be forced to go. Know how to calm yourself down, if need be.
• If the event will be held in your home, explain to everyone that no one else can be in your room except you. Only you use the room when you need it.
• For people with autism who have a driver's license, it can be helpful to drive a car when things start to tire them out. A short ride will help you isolate yourself from noise. You can go to the store for something so that relatives are not surprised at your sudden desire to get behind the wheel.

Warnings

• Not everyone understands what autism is. Don't tell everyone about your diagnosis. It may be better in some situations to communicate your needs without disclosing the diagnosis.
• Just because you are one family does not mean that you can be hurt or humiliated. If the family member deliberately upsets you by doing something you don't like (for example, imposing an annoyance on you), firmly ask him to stop.