Content

• Steps
• Method 1 of 3: Analyzing Dependent Relationships
• Method 2 of 3: Breaking the Unhealthy Connection
• Method 3 of 3: Embrace Your Independence
• What do you need
• Warnings

Relationships with unhealthy attachments tend to need to stay with the person despite the obvious negative consequences. Such relationships can be both romantic and friendly. In them, you may have the feeling that you are giving everything to the person without getting anything in return. If you are trying to combat an unhealthy attachment, you can start by analyzing what is happening in the relationship, and then follow the recommendations on how to break off such an all-consuming relationship.

Steps

Method 1 of 3: Analyzing Dependent Relationships

1. 1 Make a list. In one column, reflect the positive aspects of your relationship, and in the second - the negative ones. Dig deeper into life situations to find out how socially, morally, emotionally, and professionally these relationships are. Here are some aspects of a healthy relationship to consider:
   • Open, honest communication. Both people calmly express their feelings and thoughts, without fear of being offended or humiliated for it. Both people communicate with careful and thoughtful expression, and do not use a derogatory or accusatory tone. Both do not have to make excuses to each other. Both people recognize the value of each other's emotions.
   • Sincerity and discussion. Both are willing to negotiate and find compromises to arrive at healthy problem solutions. There is no such thing as someone constantly adjusting and giving in. Both try to see the situation from the other person's point of view. Nobody wants to "win at any cost" at the expense of another person.
   • Equality of rights and responsibilities. There is no such thing that someone alone makes all the decisions. If one usually makes decisions, it is only because both are comfortable with it.
   • Respect. Everyone values ​​their unique personality. Both people also appreciate each other. Even when they are angry and hurt, both do not forget about respect and do not resort to abusive or violent language or behavior.
   • Trust and support. Both people support each other. They want the best for each other. Both feel they can rely on each other. Everyone feels safe when they want to share their emotions, desires and needs, without the fear of being judged.
   • Proximity. It could be physical sympathy. This also includes respect for other people's boundaries and personal space. In a truly intimate relationship, partners do not seek to control or track each other's behavior.
   • Personal integrity. People don't feel painful attachment to relationships. Everyone feels independent and able to support their own values, tastes and beliefs. Both partners are responsible for their words and actions.
2. 2 Review past relationships. Many people who become attached to partners have experienced or stayed in unhealthy family relationships. In most cases, family members were unreliable or unable to meet each other's basic needs, such as housing, food, or emotional support.
   • If the person you feel dependent on reminds you of a family member from your past or other relationship, you may be trying to make up for past failed relationships. In order to move on, you need to separate the feelings associated with two different relationships.
   • People who are dependent on others are often attracted to unstable individuals. You may always have relationships or friendships with emotionally unstable people. Take another look at your previous relationship to see if this is the case.
3. 3 Keep a relationship diary. Write regularly about how the relationship makes you feel, and what hopes, fantasies, and behaviors haunt you in that relationship. Writing about your relationship on a daily basis will make it easier for you not to gloss over the bad things or pretend that the relationship is all about the good.
4. 4 Pay attention to your communication and interactions. In an affectionate relationship, the couple are usually unable to discuss sensitive issues and often bypass certain topics with half-truths. If you find that you and your partner really rarely have heart-to-heart conversations about your personal fears and dreams, it is possible that you are in an unhealthy addictive relationship.
   • Healthy relationships involve closeness in which conversations go far beyond what you would normally discuss with others. This kind of connection also implies mutual benefit and mutual assistance.
   • Unhealthy and addictive relationships are usually limited to superficial conversations; in such relationships, really deep conversations can be counted on one hand. You may always try to look cheerful in the presence of another person, but deep down you feel sad and confused. In an unhealthy relationship, a person feels relaxed and happy only when the partner feels the same way. At the same time, a person is afraid to confess his true feelings to his lover or friend.
5. 5 Accept that the relationship is not healthy if there is evidence of excessive attachment, control, or abuse. If your relationship with someone else has resulted in you losing your identity, losing other relationships, and feeling unable to function without the other person, these are clear signs of a dependent relationship. You should end this relationship before the situation gets worse.
   • Signs of an addicted relationship may include a person's tendency to exaggerate any interaction with others. Such a person considers an innocent smile towards a partner to be something more. These people often check the phone and email of a loved one to make sure their relationship is a priority.
   • The manipulator creates in the partner a sense of loss of individuality. Such a person tries to make a loved one feel guilty about the time he did not spend with him, to such an extent that the partner practically stops seeing family or friends.
   • Most people equate violent relationships with acts of physical violence. In fact, over-dependence and controlling behavior can also be considered emotional abuse. If your friend or partner separates you from others, acts like a possessive, tells you what to do, or humiliates you in order to establish their power over you, this could be called an emotionally abusive relationship.

Method 2 of 3: Breaking the Unhealthy Connection

1. 1 Determine exactly what is fantasy and what is reality in your addicted relationship. Usually in such a relationship, people look at their partner through rose-colored glasses. People usually tend to encourage their fantasies about who a person is and hope that one day they will start to match them. Often in such situations, a person begins to invent something that is not in his relationship.
   • Really evaluate your partner. Instead of saying, “She's not as bad as she seems; for her birthday, Marina gave an excellent bracelet ", - admit to yourself the truth about your partner:" She is jealous of everyone in a row, and now I only spend time with her ", - or:" She often prevents me from seeing my family. " ... If your relationship - platonic or romantic - makes you feel overwhelmed and powerless, you should admit it to yourself. Don't pretend everything is going well just to keep that connection.
   • Exaggeration (lack of proportion in things) and understatement (perception of things as less important than they are) are both common cognitive biases that can take us by surprise. If you catch yourself thinking that you are always looking for excuses and trying to make situations “not so bad,” you may be justifying your stay in such a relationship with these distortions.
2. 2 Cut off all physical ties that hold you to this person. Such relationships may include finance, housekeeping, or work projects. Accept that you need extra time to break those bonds. Also ask yourself if your desire to stay with this person is based on a sense of convenience and comfort.
   • Change your bank account and start getting your money into it if you have joint finances with this person.
   • Find new housing for the time being if you live together.
   • Eliminate alcohol, drugs, food, sex, and other things that might make you want to stay in this addiction situation.
3. 3 Plan your time with positive people. To overcome the negative energy and emotions you have received in unhealthy relationships, you need to replace the negative with positive attitudes from other sources. Rekindle past connections and surround yourself with inspiring people who appreciate you.
4. 4 Set personal goals. If you've ignored your needs because of an addicted relationship, try finding a new hobby, joining a gym, or getting a promotion. If you start working on yourself, you will very clearly understand what you have deprived yourself of in an unhealthy relationship.
5. 5 Make a list of personal desires. Start each paragraph with “I want to ...” or “I would like to ...” to begin separating personal desires from relationship desires. These desires can range from a trip to Italy to a new hairstyle or hair color. Focus only on yourself in the process of separating from the object of your addiction.

Method 3 of 3: Embrace Your Independence

1. 1 Decide for yourself how you will communicate with the person if you meet him in the future. Think about how you will react if you meet this person. Remember: you should limit contact with him if the person lowers your self-esteem and makes you feel insignificant and unloved.
   • For example, if this person wants to talk on the phone, set a date and time, and then go to a good friend's house to talk to him there.
2. 2 Be prepared for withdrawal symptoms. Instead of euphoria, admiration, and falling in love, you are likely to experience fear, doubt, loneliness, and even panic after ending an unhealthy relationship with an addiction. Physical symptoms can duplicate your internal state, such as having trouble sleeping or eating, cramping, shaking, and nausea. This is the body’s normal response to avoiding a destructive relationship. These symptoms will go away over time.
3. 3 Be prepared to face loneliness and depression. If you are experiencing chronic depression, seek the services of a professional. When you break your addiction, you may feel an inner emptiness and begin to believe that you can never find a loving person. The psychologist will help you understand the importance of working on yourself, he will make sure how healthy and whole you are.
   • Remember, feelings of worthlessness cannot be suppressed by a relationship; you have to get rid of this feeling in order to be able to love yourself or another person. Deal with your self-esteem issues now before you start dating anyone again.
4. 4 Join a support group for people who have had a painful attachment to a partner or were in a dependent relationship. You can find the strength to cope with your problem by listening to the happy stories of those who were able to overcome their addiction. When combined with one-on-one therapy with a therapist, attending meetings with your peers can give you a chance to learn not to put up with unhealthy relationships and avoid them in the future.
5. 5 Take care of yourself. It is very easy to neglect yourself when you are saddened by the end of a relationship with someone you cared about.Take time to eat and exercise regularly, adjust your sleep patterns, and take good care of yourself. You can also feel like you are and bring structure to your newfound independence by taking the time to focus on yourself. Relax in a bubble bath, get a new haircut, or get a massage. Don't start yourself up because you feel bad.
6. 6 Learn to set boundaries in relationships and friendships. Boundaries are essential for you to live a healthy, stable life. Many people mistakenly believe that the feeling of closeness when you first meet someone is a sign that they fit together perfectly. Remember - you must have a personal life outside of your relationship with your boyfriend / girlfriend or best friend.
   • The next time you meet with someone, be clear about your needs and any restrictions you would like to set. In a healthy relationship, both partners can express their point of view on how things should be. Don't lose yourself in yet another addicted relationship.
   • As you move forward, never forget about your past dangerous relationships. Take your time to develop a relationship with a new person who comes into your life. Always remember your needs and don't forget to take care of yourself.
   • Also, keep visiting your counselor and support group to figure out how to build healthy new relationships.

What do you need

• Diary

Warnings

• If you are in an unhealthy relationship, you need to take steps to protect yourself when you leave. You can go to the police or even go to court (it will take some time to get a restraining order) to ensure your safety when leaving your partner.
• If you find yourself feeling very lonely after breaking up an addicted relationship, seek support from family members or friends who will be willing to help you along the difficult path.