Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Preparing for a baby in the home
• Part 2 of 3: Forming Emotional Attachment
• Part 3 of 3: Meet the Family
• Tips

Adopting a child can be one of the most interesting, challenging and joyful moments in your life. And no matter how long you've been waiting for it, nothing can prepare you for the magical moment when a little warm bundle is in your hands and you can finally bring your baby home. In this article, we'll give you a couple of helpful tips on how to prepare to welcome your child upon arrival, as well as how you can take your child into the family and create a strong parental bond with him.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Preparing for a baby in the home

1. 1 Customize yourself. So, you've gone through a long, drawn-out adoption process, all the documents have been signed, and now all that is left to do is wait for your child to arrive. While you wait, there are many things to think about and read in order to be as prepared as possible when you finally bring your girl or boy home.
   • Get your hand on some of the authoritative adoption books that will guide you through the different stages of the adoption process and give you an idea of ​​what to expect when your child is with you.
   • Check out other foster parents' experiences on blogs or forums to get first-hand insight into the ups and downs of raising a foster child.
   • Find out as much as possible about your child's family history, inheritance and culture (if you have adopted a child internationally). This will help you understand where the baby is from, which will make it easier for him to transition into a new life.
   • Think about your parenting style and plan how you are going to deal with possible complications or issues that arise as your child grows up.
   • Remember that no amount of books and research will prepare you 100% for a real baby in your home. Recognize that not everything will go according to plan and that you need to keep learning as you educate.
2. 2 Prepare other babies for a new baby. If you already have children, adoptive or biological, preparing them for the arrival of a new little brother or sister is vital. It is not recommended to surprise them.
   • Many children may feel threatened by a sudden new addition to the family. They may feel jealous of the attention given to the new child and, as a result, become hostile to him or her. This happens even if the baby is biologically related.
   • The best way to prepare is to explain to your children about the adoption process and prepare them emotionally for the arrival of a sibling.Let them understand that they need to rejoice at the appearance of a baby, and not be afraid of it.
   • Let the kids know that you still love them the same way, even though you’ll be a little more busy now, you’ll have plenty of time for them.
   • There are many great books for children that are specifically aimed at introducing children to adoption and what to expect after a new family member arrives.
3. 3 Prepare the necessary baby supplies. There are many baby products on the market today that quickly become unnecessary. You will either end up buying everything, or put off buying baby things for as long as possible. Here are a couple of tips on what purchases are absolutely essential when your child arrives, and what to buy later:
   • Baby clothes: Obviously preparing a solid supply of baby clothes is very important, but let's not go to extremes - your child won't need a princess outfit or miniature cowboy boots as soon as he appears in the doorway. Stick to the essentials - lots of comfortable, cozy sliders, an arsenal of bibs, warm cotton booties. If the baby is not yet born, stick to neutral colors like yellow, red or green - there is never a guarantee of what gender the baby will be until it is born!
   • Feeding supplies: There are millions of different types of bottles on the market, each slightly different from the others. Your child may prefer one type over the other, so choose from three or four different types and buy a couple of each. You can buy more once you know your baby's preferences. You will also need to buy infant formula. Do not waste time going through different types, ask your pediatrician for advice and follow the advice. You will also need a lot of cotton napkins as babies tend to spit a lot!
   • Hygiene products: you will need diapers - and a lot. Choose the appropriate size based on the age of the baby you are adopting. If you are taking a newborn baby, buy both the smallest and the next size just to be ready. You will also need a supply of wipes or cotton wool, baby shampoo or soap, baby lotion, and a washcloth.
   • EquipmentThe most important purchase will be a car seat as you will need it to transport your new baby home. If you take your child out of the hospital, you will not be allowed to leave without a secure child support device. You should also buy a harness or a kangaroo bag so you can keep your baby close to you at all times while keeping your hands free. You will also need a crib with a bed to put in your bedroom before your baby arrives.
4. 4 Make an appointment with your pediatrician. If you are bringing your baby home from outside the hospital, it is a good idea to make an appointment with the doctor as soon as possible after the baby is born. Thus, you will fully examine him and you will not have to worry about the health or development of the child.
   • This is especially important if you are adopting a child from another country, and even more important if from an orphanage or orphanage where there is a risk of infection or disease.
   • Many children are brought home with respiratory viruses or other infections. They are usually minor and easily cured, but it is best to consult a pediatric specialist as soon as possible.
   • In addition to obvious health concerns, the doctor should check the child's weight and height (which may sometimes be less than what you were initially told) to make sure he / she is developing normally.
   • Depending on the child's age, the doctor may also check the child's cognitive development and make sure that he is responding to external stimuli.
   • If you have any questions, you need to follow the medical guidelines to help your child recover and guide their development in the right direction.
5. 5 Find time for yourself. It is only natural for you to wait anxiously for your child's arrival, counting the days until the magical moment when you can hold it in your arms. However, it is important to understand that your life will change forever, and that after the baby is born, you will have very little time for yourself.
   • Now is the time to do what you enjoy, like going to a cafe, going to the movies, meeting friends, going on a trip - in general, doing all the things that you will not have time for when you adopt a baby (at least, first time).
   • Having a good time with your significant other - then once the baby is born - can be a source of tension in even the most lasting relationships, especially if it's your first child. You and your partner need to work as a team, so make sure you are in a strong, secure, loving relationship before the baby arrives.
   • If you already have children, you should use this waiting period as an opportunity to spend more time with them and do your best to make them feel special and loved. Despite the best intentions, you won't have too much time for them after another baby arrives, so try to give them more personal attention while you still have the opportunity.
6. 6 Be prepared for anything and hope for the best. When it comes to adopting a child, it’s best to be prepared for anything, hope for the best and still be happy. Each of us should have our ups and downs - so stay sane and be prepared for whatever life brings you.
   • Each family has a different adoption experience, so you can't be 100% prepared for what lies ahead. Just remember that there are difficulties that you will surely face - problems with sleeping in a child, difficulties with swaddling, and much, much more.
   • However, also remember that there will be moments of real joy over the coming weeks, months and years, so any obstacles in your path become unimportant as you and your baby will overcome them together.
7. 7 Join a support group. Adopting a child can be difficult, and parents of newly adopted children may feel stressed, frustrated, powerless, or even depressed.
   • This is fine, feel free to take a break and ask for help if you need it. Support groups that are created for parents of adopted children can provide excellent emotional support and help you feel less alone.
   • Also look for local non-profit organizations that provide advice and training for foster families.
   • If you are feeling sad, irritable, or persistently tired, you may be experiencing post-foster depression (PAD), which is common in parents of foster children. See a doctor or psychotherapist.

Part 2 of 3: Forming Emotional Attachment

1. 1 Be reliable. The most important thing you can do for your new baby is to be there when he needs you, at any time of the day or night.
   • You must become 100% reliable in your child's eyes and respond to him verbally or physically when he cries or calls you.
   • This is especially important for older children who were in an orphanage or foster families. They may be used to the fact that no one answers when they cry, so you must earn their trust by showing them that you will always come when they need it.
   • Letting your child cry when he wakes you up at night is wrong.Children need to feel loved and protected, so walk up to them for 15 seconds to give them a hug and comfort, or leave them in their bedroom until they fully adapt to their new environment.
   • If you want your child to accept you, come when he cries. Then he will begin to perceive you as a mother or father, and not just as another educator.
2. 2 Be there. In addition to just being close to your baby when he needs you, it is very important that the baby is drowned in attention and love, which can be achieved through physical contact.
   • Hold the baby in your arms as often as possible, cuddle, feed. If possible, hold your baby in your arms and do not leave him unattended in the crib or in the baby seat for long periods of time.
   • Maintaining eye contact with your baby while feeding or cradling in your arms will help create a bond between you.
   • Smile at your baby when he looks at you and speak to him in a soothing, loving voice. Over time, these actions will begin to associate your child with safety and love and will teach him to respond to you with kindness.
   • When you're busy, put your baby in a kangaroo bag so he can hear your heartbeat and get used to your scent.
   SPECIALIST'S ADVICE

   

   Rebecca Nguyen, MA

   
   
   Board Certified Breastfeeding Counselor Rebecca Nguyen is a Certified Breastfeeding Counselor and Parenting Specialist. Together with her mother, Sue Gottshall runs the Family Picnic Center in Chicago, where parents-to-be and new-born parents can learn about childbirth, breastfeeding, child development and parenting. She was a primary school teacher for 10 years. She received her MA in Early Childhood Education from the University of Illinois in 2003.

   Rebecca Nguyen, MA
   Board Certified Breastfeeding Counselor

   Consider inducing lactation if you want to breastfeed your baby. Even if you have not had children before, you should know that lactation can be induced with the help of special drugs.

   
   
3. 3 Make a schedule. Planning a daily routine will keep your baby safe while minimizing the stress that many foster babies experience when they move into a new home.
   • Plan specific activities - feeding times, sleeping times, bathing times, and playing times - so that your baby's confidence and security grows every day.
   • Speak out the actions. When your child wakes up in the morning, tell him about your plans for the day. Even if he cannot understand what you are saying, the toddler will associate your voice with these repetitive actions of caring for him.
   • To effectively implement these actions, you will need several weeks after the baby is born, you just need to be at home and establish these procedures without any distractions or interruptions.
   • Don't rush things - don't carry your toddler to other people's homes, malls or parks, and limit the number of guests in your home - for at least a few weeks. The child should feel safe and comfortable at home, this will become impossible if his environment is constantly changing.
   • Regardless of the need for a regimen, it is important to maintain flexibility in a familiar schedule. Learn to respond to your baby's whims - if you hear his hungry cry, feed him without waiting for the right feeding time.
4. 4 Remember, attachment is a long-term process. Keep in mind that it takes time to build a deep bond with your little one. Yes, you can fall in love with him instantly, but that love will continue to grow and deepen over time.
   • In some cases, your child will not react to you the way you would like.He may look away without making eye contact, turn away when you talk to him, or become very clingy and upset around you.
   • If this happens, don't be discouraged. Continue to surround your child with love, patience and affection, and he, in the end, will begin to respond to you in kind.
   • Keep in mind that you have had months, perhaps even years, to prepare to receive this child into your home. You probably fell in love with the baby even before you saw him. But for the child, everything happened very unexpectedly, and it will take time for him to get used to the new home and to perceive you as his parent.
   • When the adopted child finally begins to show love and trust, for many parents this is one of the happiest moments.

Part 3 of 3: Meet the Family

1. 1 Introduce the adopted child to siblings. If you have prepared your other children for a new baby, they will most likely be dying to meet a little brother or sister. Make the acquaintance in a relaxed, controlled environment with only your family members.
   • Some children have unrealistic ideas about what to do with a small child. Some children believe that babies can be played with like dolls. That is why it is important to clarify all points in advance.
   • The child may have different needs and may be frightened or overwhelmed by being too attentive.
   • Therefore, it is better to warn older children that their new brother or sister will be shy and that they should be very kind and gentle towards the baby.
2. 2 Prepare gifts. Remember that having a new baby can make children feel threatened. In addition, children may feel that they are being neglected. A good way to overcome these difficulties and create positive feelings between the child and the new toddler is to give the child a gift “from his little brother / sister”.
   • Children under the age of four can be especially surprised by this, and it may be enough to change their opinion that a new addition to the family will benefit them!
   • If you have adopted a child from abroad or from an exotic country, it is a good idea to choose a gift that is related to the culture of that country.
   • You can also prepare gifts for your children to give to a new baby, or help them make a card or poster to welcome the baby into the family.
3. 3 Spend time with each child individually. It's important that your kids don't feel left out or forgotten after your baby arrives. All children want to feel special and loved, and it is your job as parents to do everything to make them feel good.
   • Spend some one-on-one time with each child, whether it's a simple walk to the park or playing a game together. You should strive to ensure that older children continue to feel like they are key family members worthy of your close attention.
   • While it’s natural to want your children and your newly adopted child to be closer together, it’s important to understand that they don’t have to spend all their time together. Let their relationship take its course.
4. 4 Give your new sibling time to adjust. Don't worry if your older child doesn't feel directly connected to the foster child. This is completely normal, even for biological siblings. The connection arises over time ... it doesn't happen overnight.
   • To help the bonding process, allow your older child to spend more time with the new baby, cuddling and playing with him. Also, emphasize the importance of the role of an older brother or sister.
   • If the adopted child is a newborn, reassure yourself that the baby does not yet understand any manifestations of negative feelings from older children.A toddler will grow up loving an older brother or sister as naturally as a biological child.
   • An older child may take a little longer to get used to his new sibling, but that's to be expected. As soon as the adopted baby adapts to the rhythm of the new family, family ties will begin to strengthen and all past adversities will disappear.
5. 5 Limit visits outside the family. One of the most difficult and important things to remember when bringing a foster child into the home will be to limit the influence of strangers for the first few weeks.
   • It takes time for your child to learn to accept you as a parent - a process that requires direct presence and one-on-one interaction whenever possible. Your child needs to learn to recognize your scent, your voice, and the sensation of your hands in order to create and strengthen an unwavering bond with you.
   • In order to form this important bond between parent and child, you will need to be alone with the child (possibly with the other parent) to meet his needs, including feeding, bathing, dressing, and comforting.
   • If a child is passed from parent to parent and is bombarded with new faces, voices and smells, he will have difficulty identifying you as the primary caregiver or parent. This is especially important for children adopted from orphanages or foster families who are used to receiving help from several people.
   • It can be difficult for other relatives to make this decision of yours - especially those who have been waiting for an addition for months or years, dying from impatience to meet their niece / nephew / grandson. Try to explain the situation to them before the child arrives in your family and convince them of the importance of this temporary one-on-one relationship with your child. Even if they don't like it, they will have to understand you.
   • Tell them that if they want to help, they can take on responsibilities such as doing laundry, cooking, or looking after other children. Don't be too stubborn and don't refuse such help if you need it.
   • After a couple of weeks, when you have established a connection with your baby, you can gradually begin to let another family member into his life.

Tips

• As your child grows up, you will face a problem - whether to tell him that he is adopted. Most experts recommend teaching foster children as much as possible (if necessary) about their roots. It is a good idea to keep memories from the child's past, biological parents, and the adoption process. You can organize this information into notes that your child reads as they get older.
• If your child is of a different race, you will have no choice but to tell him that he is adopted. In this case, it is a good idea to educate your child in accordance with his cultural traditions and heritage. For example, you could celebrate Chinese New Year with a child adopted from China.