Content

• Steps
• Part 1 of 3: Understand Your Regret
• Part 2 of 3: How to Overcome Regret with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy
• Part 3 of 3: Move on
• Tips
• Warnings

There is no life without regrets. Regret is both a feeling and a way of thinking in which you constantly live and reflect, this is what you feel when you remember an event, reaction or other action that once happened to you. Regret can arise after difficult and painful life changes, and it often gets in the way of being happy, causing pain and limiting future prospects. Useless regret keeps us from moving forward. If you're trying to deal with regret, you need to acknowledge your feelings, learn to forgive yourself, and move on.

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Understand Your Regret

1. 1 Think about what regret is. Regret is a critical way of thinking and feeling, the essence of which is to blame yourself for what happened. The so-called “useful” feeling of regret helps us learn from our mistakes and change our behavior in the future. "Useless" regret is the feeling when you only blame yourself for a situation. It can cause chronic stress that leads to health problems.
   • We can regret both what we did and what we did not do. For example, you may regret that you acted in a certain way in a dispute. Or maybe you regret not accepting a job offer.
2. 2 Try to understand your feelings. They may differ depending on the person's personality, but generally regret combines several feelings: sadness, loss, remorse, anger, shame, and anxiety. Learn to understand what feelings are associated with regret. For example, perhaps you remembered a situation from the past and then think about it all day. This can make you feel hopeless and unlucky. You may begin to remember what you said or did, or think about what you could have said to change this situation.
   • Constant rethinking and regret is often troubling. This can lead to uncertainty and anxiety about your decisions in the future, which you may later regret too.
3. 3 Think about where your regret is coming from. Think about the reasons that cause it. People experience this feeling for a variety of reasons. The main reasons for regret are as follows:
   • Lifestyle: Many people regret moving to another country or buying a home. For example, let's say you moved from Russia to Australia because you wanted to live in a warmer climate. But after a few months, you may face difficulties in finding a job, you will have to experience life on the street for yourself, and then you will be homesick every day. In this case, you will regret taking this step.
   • Job: People often regret not taking a different career path and choosing the job of their dreams. We also often regret giving up a new job or new position. For example, you are afraid of the day-to-day office work and constantly think that you would like not to miss the opportunity to become a co-owner of your own business.
   • Family: People often regret not resolving disputes with family or friends, especially if this person is no longer there. Many regret not spending more time with their loved ones. For example, let's say you have traveled all over the country because of your spouse's job. You never made much of an effort to stay in touch with your grandparents, call them and visit. And now that your loved ones are no longer around, you may regret not making the effort to communicate with your family.
   • Children: Sometimes people regret having started a family. For example, let's say you hooked up with a partner because you wanted to make his dream come true. But a year later, when you already have a child, you understand that parenting does not give you pleasure, which is why your relationship with your partner has deteriorated greatly, and every day you regret more and more that you did not have a dog, as always. wanted. However, it should be borne in mind that many parents experience postpartum depression after having a baby. If you suspect you are experiencing postpartum depression, seek professional help.
   • Marriage: People often regret choosing a mate, as well as the fact that they decided to get married so early. Some people in principle regret marriage. For example, suppose you married your partner because your family liked him and your loved ones approved of the choice. But after five years of marriage, you find that you have no common interests. You often think about what your life would be like if you got married with one of your former partners who your family did not accept.

Part 2 of 3: How to Overcome Regret with Cognitive Behavioral Therapy

1. 1 Try cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). CBT exercises can help you change your habits and thinking patterns. This way, you will soon be able to release feelings of regret, shame, and anger. Instead, you focus on emotionally eradicating any bad habits and negative thoughts you may have.
   • CBT allows you to replace feelings of regret and anxiety with other feelings, not just forcing you to stop thinking about the past.
2. 2 Write down your regrets. As for this feeling, people think about why they did (or did not) do it this way, and very often this leads to a dead end. List your regrets and any questions you ask yourself. For example, you may be wondering why you acted this way in a particular situation. Go back to your list and change the question "why" to "what to do next?" This will help overcome the impasse.
   • For example, you might ask yourself, "Why did I swear at my child so much last week?" And to the question "What to do next?" you could answer that after work you have no patience. In the future, perhaps you could take a five-minute break from work before spending time with your children.
3. 3 Learn from your mistakes. Situations that we regret are often good lessons for us. Try to learn from each situation and understand that life's lessons make us wiser. For example, if you regret not treating your spouse with due respect, you may have learned that disrespecting your spouse makes you feel terrible. By understanding this, you will become a wiser person and a more caring spouse.
4. 4 Apply what you have learned. Perhaps the reason for your regret is the things you have learned about yourself or others. With this knowledge, you significantly reduce the risk of "running into the same rake" in the future. Be sure to apply the knowledge you have learned from life lessons.
   • For example, if you find out that disrespect for your spouse makes them distrust you, change your behavior in the future.
5. 5 Control the impact of feelings of regret on your future. The past cannot be changed, but you can choose how that past will affect your present and future.
   • For example, you cannot change how much you drank in college, but you can make a choice in the present and prevent regret from making you feel guilty now, and you can prevent that feeling from affecting your future.
6. 6 Learn to recognize “helpful” regret. "Useless" regret is the feeling when you reprimand yourself for things and situations that are beyond your control. A “useful” regret is a relatively positive feeling that allows you to move on, improve yourself, your life, and act whenever possible. Once you realize that you missed an opportunity (educational, financial, or emotional), chances are you will correct that mistake in the future.
   • If you find that you cannot accept a choice about a new opportunity, ask yourself what you want more: take a risk or regret a lost opportunity. By trying something new, you minimize the risk of future regret.

Part 3 of 3: Move on

1. 1 Show empathy. You are not the only person who regrets something. Think about what other people might have gone through. Remember that empathy helps you better understand the feelings of others. You may need to challenge your own prejudices and listen to other people.
   • For example, if you regret drinking too much alcohol in college, you may have a much better understanding of how your son feels after a night he’s unlikely to be proud of.
2. 2 Try to turn regret into gratitude. Perhaps you feel regret thinking the following statements: "I should have ...", "I could have ...", "I can't believe that I ...", "Why didn't I ...". Modify these statements to turn them into statements of gratitude. You will begin to perceive the past in a different way, and therefore you will get rid of regret. When you realize that you are thinking about the past in these phrases, rephrase those thoughts to reflect your gratitude. This will help you perceive the past in a more positive light.
   • For example, change the statement “I should have gone to college” to “I am grateful it’s not too late to go to college.”Or try changing the statement, "I could try to stop drinking," to the statement, "I'm grateful that I can get better now."
3. 3 Learn to forgive yourself. Feelings of regret can lead to resentment about yourself and others. Instead, learn to forgive yourself. This will not only relieve you of feelings of regret, but it will also increase your self-esteem. Normal self-esteem decides a lot in your life, including the sphere of relationships.
   • Don't just try to get rid of the regret. Instead, try to learn from your mistakes and allow yourself to move on.
4. 4 Write yourself a letter. This exercise will allow you to practice. This emotionally cognitive exercise can help release feelings of regret. Write a letter that was addressed to you in the past, and in the letter talk to yourself from the past, as if you were talking to a close friend or a child. In this way, you can learn to have compassion for yourself.
   • Remind yourself from the past that you deserve the best in life, even if you made a mistake, because you are human and we all make mistakes.
5. 5 Practice affirmations every day. Affirmation is a positive statement that inspires, increases self-esteem, improves mood, and makes you treat yourself more carefully. Taking good care of yourself makes it easier to forgive past mistakes, which can reduce feelings of regret in the present. Speak aloud, write, or mentally say affirmations. The following are examples of affirmations:
   • I am a good person and I deserve the best, regardless of past mistakes.
   • I'm human and it's okay to be wrong.
   • I have learned from my past mistakes and I am worthy of a brighter future.

Tips

• You cannot change what happened in the past, but you can choose how that past will affect your present and future.
• Remember that you are often too hard on yourself.
• Visualize yourself dealing with difficulties by moving forward and leaving regrets behind.
• Find a support group or a wise person to advise you on how to ease your feelings of regret.
• Help people in need, become a volunteer or do charity work to take a little distance from your own worries for a while.
• Write on a piece of paper how you feel about someone you hate, and then tear and discard that piece of paper.
• Remember that everyone makes mistakes and you are not the only one.
• Everything happens for a reason, so move forward and forget about the past. Thinking about the past won't do you any good.
• Sometimes it's hard to forget the things that keep you from moving forward, but we should try to do this by redirecting our thoughts and actions in a different direction (for example, listening to music, going to a party with friends).

Warnings

• If at some point your regret escalates into severe depression, inappropriate behavior, suicidal thoughts, or a desire to harm yourself, see your doctor, psychologist or therapist, call the psychological emergency hotline, or someone you trust. You are not alone and you can get help.
• If you feel regret because someone has hurt you, admit that you are not at fault. It is important to report this to the police (and to your parents if you are a child or teenager) so that the person who hurt you cannot harm anyone else.