How to stop comparing yourself to others

Video: To overcome challenges, stop comparing yourself to others | Dean Furness

Content

Steps
Part 1 of 5: Understand the reason for this behavior
Part 2 of 5: Appreciate What You Have
Part 3 of 5: Change Your Thinking
Part 4 of 5: Try to Reach Your Goal
Part 5 of 5: Use the Media in the Right Way
Tips
Warnings

We are all different, but we all tend to compare ourselves to others. Thinking about our achievements, we raise the bar higher and higher. It's natural to compare yourself to others and even sometimes to be jealous of them. But if we focus on our shortcomings, and not on what it would be worthwhile for us to improve, we have chosen the wrong path. This way of thinking is very draining and affects daily life in a negative way. Constantly comparing ourselves to others, we lower our self-esteem, as a result of which we feel very bad. Resist the temptation to compare yourself to others. Learn to evaluate yourself objectively. Set a goal for yourself to improve your self-esteem and learn to think better of yourself than you currently think.

Steps

Part 1 of 5: Understand the reason for this behavior

1 Think about how you rate yourself. If you want to change, you need to look at yourself from the outside. It may seem to you that such a problem simply does not exist. Once you understand your problem, it will be easier for you to solve it. Be prepared that this is not an easy process. However, once you realize that you need to change, it will be easier for you to set goals for yourself.
2 Pay attention to your self-esteem. Self-esteem is a positive or negative assessment of oneself. In our life, there are both black and white stripes, and sometimes the perception of ourselves can change daily. Self-esteem is built throughout life.
- Do you think well of yourself? Are you allowing others to influence your opinion of yourself? If you compare yourself to others to improve your self-esteem, you are building your happiness.
3 Determine what you are paying attention to by comparing yourself to others. By comparing yourself to others, you put yourself above or below them. As a rule, when we notice positive or negative character traits of others, we begin to compare them with our own. Sometimes this comparison can be helpful, but in some cases it can negatively affect self-esteem.
- An example of a positive comparison: You are comparing yourself to someone you admire for qualities. Instead of just being jealous of the person (for example, because he is a caring person), you strive to be like him.
- An example of a negative comparison: You are comparing yourself to someone who has what you really want. For example, let's say you're jealous that your friend has a new car.
4 Write down your thoughts or feelings. Write down why you are comparing yourself to others. If you can, write it down immediately after the thought came to mind, or if this is not possible, try to remember. If the memories are fresh in your mind, it will be easy for you to write down your thoughts.
- Think about how comparing to someone else made you feel. Write down any thoughts and feelings that come to your mind. For example, you feel depressed because someone has a new car and you are driving a car that is twenty years old.
5 Try to remember when you started comparing yourself to others. Try to remember the origins of your behavior and describe this time in a journal. Try to remember when you first had these thoughts.
- For example, you might think back to your childhood years when you compared yourself to your sibling. You can reflect on this situation and see the reason. Chances are, you were comparing yourself to your sibling because you felt that you were being treated worse than him. Thus, you can speculate about the reason for this behavior.
- The hardest part is admitting that this behavior has a negative impact on you. However, it can be an incentive to change your behavior.

Part 2 of 5: Appreciate What You Have

1 Focus on what you have. Once you understand that comparing yourself to others is not good, you will strive to change your behavior.If you learn to be grateful for what you have, you will not be focused on others, but on yourself.
- Take some time to think about what is good in your life. You will stop comparing yourself to others as you strive to notice what surrounds your life.
2 Start a thank you magazine. He will help you remind you of the good that you have. You may look at some things differently, even though before that you took them for granted. Be grateful for that. Think about your best memories. It could be what you did, the places you visited, the friends you spent time with, anything that made you happy. Be grateful for that.
- Keeping a journal like this will increase your chances of success. This will stimulate change. You have to look at things that you took for granted and appreciate them. Learn to be grateful and it will improve your life.
- Make a meaningful list. Instead of just making a list of things you can be grateful for, try to describe each item in more detail.
- Write about surprises or unexpected events. You will be able to remember the pleasant feelings that you experienced.
- You don't have to write every day. In fact, a couple of times a week will be enough.
3 Be kind to yourself. If you're kind to yourself, you'll have more desire to go the extra mile trying to improve.
4 Realize that you are in control of your life. Of course, it is not easy to stop comparing yourself to others. But don't forget you are in control of your life. You choose your own path. You make decisions that are either good or bad for you.
- Trust me, it doesn't matter what others do. You are in charge of your own life.

Part 3 of 5: Change Your Thinking

1 Reflect on your behavior and way of thinking. The trans-theoretical model of behavior change suggests that there is a sequence in the stages of behavior change. This is a long process that ends with a positive result. The following stages are distinguished:
- Preliminary deliberation: At this stage, the person is not ready to change. This stage is limited only by the awareness of the person and nothing more.
- Deliberation: At this stage, a person begins to seriously think about the need to change something in his life. The person begins to weigh the pros and cons.
- Training: At this stage, a person decides to change and begins to make plans for how to implement it.
- Action: At this stage, the person makes an effort to change their behavior. This may include giving up certain activities and becoming more involved in others.
- Maintaining: At this stage, a person does everything possible to make the situation change and these changes become quite stable.
- Termination: At this stage, the behavior has changed, the person does not experience relapses, even under conditions of stress, depression, anxiety or other emotional states.
2 Understand that there are no perfect people. We tend to pay attention to certain aspects of a person's personality without seeing the other side of the coin. It may seem to us that a person is ideal, but, in fact, he is an ordinary person who has his own shortcomings.
3 Replace negative thoughts with positive ones. When you compare yourself to others, you may view yourself in a negative light. If you feel bad about yourself, try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
- For example, if you know someone who writes beautiful poetry, do not envy their talent, think about what you are good at. Tell yourself, "I can't be a better writer, but I can draw well. Besides, if I want to learn how to write poetry, I can work in that direction, set a goal for myself, and learn to write poetry too."

Part 4 of 5: Try to Reach Your Goal

1 Set goals for yourself. Achieving your goals will improve your self-esteem and you will see yourself in a different way. Start by setting a goal.
- If you want to run a marathon, set this goal for yourself. Think about where you are (for example, think about how physically fit you are).
2 Track your progress. When you set a goal, track your progress so you can see how fast you are moving towards that goal. This will help you focus on yourself and not on other people.
- Move at your own pace. Consider each situation individually. For example, if you need more time to graduate than some of your friends, think about your circumstances, such as working full time or caring for your family and caring for elderly parents. Your personal circumstances can affect your progress. Therefore, think about your own circumstances as you track your progress.
- If you're training for a marathon, you can track your progress every week. Increase the distance every week. As you increase the distance, you increase your speed. Thanks to this, you will be able to see what you have already achieved and what you still have to achieve.
3 Work to improve your abilities. If you see where you need to improve, attend seminars and classes to hone your skills and craftsmanship. It will instill confidence and help you find your place in life.
- It is important to recognize that it is impossible to achieve perfection. Do not strive for excellence in everything that you do. Accept that everyone has certain limitations. You can work to improve your abilities without striving for excellence. This will help you develop a sense of self-worth.
4 Compete with yourself. Many successful athletes and actors say they create healthy competition for themselves. They are constantly trying to improve. This is a good way to boost your self-esteem. When an athlete strives to be the best in their sport, they will set goals and do whatever they can to hone their skills.
5 Assess yourself against your own criteria. When you evaluate yourself by your own criteria, you will stop comparing yourself to others. You will not experience constant competition. If you manage your life yourself, you will get the desired result. Evaluate yourself by your own criteria, not by criteria set by someone else.
6 Be grateful to people, do not envy them. Think about the benefits others can bring to you. If you have high-profile friends, chances are they can help you become more successful in life. Instead of being jealous of their success, use that success to your advantage.
- For example, you can look at pictures of athletes to admire their fitness. Instead of being jealous of them, you can use their example as motivation so that you can change your life. You may decide to change your eating habits and start doing more exercise. Therefore, use these photos to your advantage, not harm.
7 Be prepared to take risks. Once you learn to measure yourself against your own criteria, you will feel freer and more willing to take risks. Thanks to this, you will be able to raise the bar higher and higher. Many people are afraid to take risks, so this prevents them from being successful. They are bound by fear, and they cannot achieve anything in this life.
- Start with small steps. This will make you more confident in yourself and in your abilities.
8 Surround yourself with people who will support you. Thanks to this, you will be able to reach your goal faster.
9 Train yourself. As a rule, coaches behave differently.There are coaches who shout and humiliate their players. There are those who encourage athletes to work faster, jump higher or swim longer distances, but they do it with love and care. A coach who teaches with love develops a holistic personality.
- Think of yourself as a coach who drives you to excellence. Give love and appreciation for your efforts. Then you will achieve the goals you set for yourself while improving your self-esteem.

Part 5 of 5: Use the Media in the Right Way

1 Limit your viewing of the media. If you find that idealistic notions in the media have a negative impact on your self-esteem, chances are you are better off limiting your media viewing. Limit your viewing time or stop watching TV completely. Remove or disable your social media pages.
- If you do not want to completely disconnect or delete your Facebook, Twitter, Instagram account, then limit the time you spend every day or every week on it. For example, devote no more than 10 minutes a day or 30 minutes a week to this, but be careful, as even a small amount of exposure can lead to negative consequences.
2 Avoid media that shows perfect images. Limit your viewing of fashion magazines, reality TV shows, and certain movies and music. If you often compare yourself to a certain model or athlete, do not look at magazines, shows or games in which that person participates.
- Even the temporary influence of the media, which shows ideal images, has a negative impact on self-esteem. It can even lead to the development of depression.
3 Start thinking realistically. Unfortunately, we cannot always exclude from our lives all the ideal images provided by the media. However, look at this objectively.
- For example, if you are jealous of the perfect relationship with your close friend's husband, think about the challenges they might be facing and how difficult it was for her to find her partner. Empathy will replace jealousy.
- If you see someone with a beautiful figure, car, or lifestyle that you would like to have, try to think about what you can do to get closer to those goals and write it down.
4 Use the media in a positive way. Try to make them enrich your life. Read educational, informational, or inspirational pages. If you want to be successful, read articles on this topic. If you want to get fit, exercise and follow a healthy diet. If you want to improve as a person, pick up psychological articles.

Tips

Don't be afraid to put your interests first. Take care of yourself. If you have a tendency to bend under others, read How to Stop Pleasing Everyone and How to Overcome Martyr Syndrome.
Comparing yourself to others is a bad habit that many people have. Be prepared that it will take some time to change. Do not give up.