Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Shy people are very cautious and shy in all situations in social contact. They tend to avoid social interaction and are reluctant to share personal information. This can discourage friends and family from forming deeper bonds with them, as well as making it difficult for some new friends to expand their friendships with them.

Steps

Method 1 of 5: Break Barriers

1. 

   Boldly is a pioneer. Shy people also want to interact with society, but they are anxious or shy. So that's why they don't want to be the one to initiate the conversation. Therefore, you should be the one to initiate conversation.
   • Approach him at random. A formal preamble can make him feel more nervous and more apprehensive.
   • If you are somewhere unfamiliar, try to reach out and tell him that you are happy to see someone you know here.
   • If you haven't had a chance to interact with each other before, explain to him where you've seen him.

2. 

   
   
   Try asking questions about your surroundings, asking for help, or even making a general statement about the immediate situation. Focus on the way you think and / or act, rather than your feelings. This will reduce your anxiety and make it easier to join the conversation.
   • Set open-ended questions to avoid a situation where he will only answer yes or no. Plus, give him an opportunity to answer pursuing questions. This will help the conversation go smoothly.
     • For example, you could ask him, "Have you discovered any projects for the class presentation?" After he answers, you can ask him to clarify and ask him some other pursuing questions.

3. 

   
   
   Try to harmonize with his strong feelings and imitate a similar posture. This action will show concern without being taken as too much. The reflection process also helps the two of you more intimate, and at the same time helps speed up the relationship.
   • The reflection process also includes imitation. Therefore, focus more on imitating his mood and gentle movements. However, overt copying can be counterproductive.
   • For example, if the guy is leaning back, you should also lean back, but not directly copy his every move.

4. 

   
   
   Pay attention to his body language. If the guy is really embarrassed, he might even feel embarrassed letting you know he's uncomfortable with the conversation. Pay attention to his body language to see if he's comfortable and relaxed, or if he's nervous and stressed.
   • If his arms are crossed in front of his chest, or his hands are in the pockets of his pants, he probably feels uncomfortable. In the event that his arms were relaxed and let loose to the sides, he probably was feeling quite comfortable.
   • If his body leans away from you, that could be a sign that he is trying to run away from this conversation. If his body is tilted towards you (including his feet), that means he is very excited about staying in that position.
   • If his movements are somewhat shy or tense, he probably doesn't feel comfortable. If his movements are friendly and gentle, he probably feels very well.
   • In case he makes eye contact with you frequently when he is talking, he may be interested in continuing the conversation. If his gaze moves away or seems unfocused, he probably feels uncomfortable.

5. 

   Slowly turn your conversation into one-on-one conversation. At first, the conversation should begin to be shared and then gradually get closer to give him more time to control his worries. Asking questions about whether he is thinking or feeling about the subject of the conversation is seen as a simple way to adjust to privacy without becoming too intimate.
   • To cleverly redirect the conversation to a personal topic, ask a few questions like "What interests you about the project?" or "Why did you choose this project?"
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Method 2 of 5: Direct Your Attention to Everything Outside

1. 

   Focus on physical features. Shy people have a tendency to pay attention to themselves and a sense of fear that it will not be adequate. By directing his attention to everything outside, he will be less cautious and communicate more enthusiastically.
   • Feeling ashamed will increase his shyness. Discussing an event or environmental issue will reduce the likelihood of unintentionally embarrassing him.

2. 

   Continue focusing on external topics until the conversation becomes closer and he becomes more excited. Shy people are highly self-aware and they often avoid excessive hand movements and facial expressions even if they are uncomfortable during that conversation. If they regularly use gestures and facial expressions, it could be a sign that they appear more comfortable with self-awareness.
   • Taking up personal topics too quickly can cause him to feel overwhelmed and easy to separate himself.

3. 

   Encourage him to join the activity. This is especially helpful in case your conversation with him seems unnatural. Working together on something establishes a systematic flow of communication, which in turn helps reduce the stress of thinking about what to say or when to speak.
   • Playing games together is also a good way to focus his attention on things outside.
     • For example, you might ask, "Do you want to play a game to pass the time?" Of course he will ask what game it is, and you should prepare your answers first. If he recommends a different type of game, don't worry too much about not knowing how to play. Teaching you how to play that kind of game is a great opportunity for him to become more bold in conversation.

4. 

   Direct the talk to a personal topic. You should only take this step after the bond has become more natural and maintaining a conversation doesn't take too much effort. You will know that you are hitting this mark once you realize that the conversation is going well for many minutes without thinking about how to get him to talk.
   • A good question to get him to share about himself is "How do you like spending your free time?" You can then follow this question with other questions about what he enjoys during his leisure time.
     • If the guy seems a little strained, return to the outside topic and try to change the conversation after he becomes comfortable again.
     • If you still can't turn the conversation around after a few attempts, tell him that you really enjoy the activity and plan a date for him to play again. This will give him time to feel more comfortable with your interactions.
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Method 3 of 5: Express Yourself to Create Emotional Connection

1. 

   Actively share personal information about yourself. By showing him that you trust him enough to lose himself, he can begin to feel more secure in the conversation. First, share your interests or thoughts with him.
   • You can start by sharing how you've spent your free time.
   • After you have shared some information with your guy, move on to disclosing emotional information to establish an emotional connection.
   • Don't be too rushed. If the guy still looks anxious or confused, don't rush to tell him your feelings too quickly.It's best to start small with positive trends, like: "I saw this movie last week, it was really good and left an impression for a few days after."

2. 

   Show your worries in the conversation. You can also express your feelings to help reassure him that he's not the only one experiencing a social obsession. Furthermore, this increases the informal nature of the conversation, as it is like revealing yourself about how you feel about him.
   • For example, you could tell him, "I was really nervous and nervous talking to you." He will continue your demonstration by asking why. If you get the feeling that compliments can confuse him, explain that it sometimes feels a bit tense when approaching other people.
   • Avoid jumping in to confess your feelings right away, as it may seem too early. He might become more shy and maybe retreat.

3. 

   Ask him what level of self-expression is appropriate. Always respect his boundaries and don't expect too much. The goal here is to help him feel more comfortable in expressing himself. You can hardly make him reveal his secretest secret in just one day. However, this helps to improve the level of intimacy between the two of you.
   • Try asking him to reveal how he feels about the conversation. This is considered a no more serious question than asking questions like how he feels about you or how you become friends.
   • A good way for him to connect with his feelings, without putting him under pressure, is to ask "Do you feel comfortable in situations like this?"
   • Then you can also ask a few more open-ended questions, such as "What circumstances will make you feel ....?" If the guy is planning to step back, go back to the more general question.
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Method 4 of 5: Chat Together Online

1. 

   Connect with him through email or social media. Shy people often feel more secure exploring social connections online on their own. The ability to self-correct and control first impressions will increase his self-control, thereby helping him to reduce anxiety and stress.
   • Many social media sites allow shy members to explore new relationships, without the heavy burden of immediate feedback like when communicating directly.
   • When the natural mood of the conversation is more personal, send him a private message. He may find it a bit inconvenient when personal or sensitive information is in his circle.

2. 

   Share your personal preferences to start a conversation. This both helps to break the online ice sheet, and also provides a theme to help focus more on everything outside. Online chat gives both parties the perfect opportunity to share videos, pictures, games, and common knowledge.
   • Avoid opening up stories with questions or information that dig too deep into your personal story, even while you're online. Even on the Internet, he can withdraw if he feels too inconvenient.

3. 

   Express yourself to direct the conversation to a personal topic. Showing that you yourself are disadvantaged will help him feel more secure when he acts like that. Ask him to share the necessary information if he can't open himself up.
   • There's no point in asking him to return your enthusiasm. However, that does not have to be measured against a standard of equilibrium. Pay more attention to his boundaries and limitations. Just a little revelation from you can make him reach out of his long, comfortable shell.
   • Don't forget to consider your disadvantages. If you find that the guy has no intention of reciprocating, you don't have to completely confess all of yourself.
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Method 5 of 5: Understanding What is Inner

1. 

   Distinguish the difference between shame and introversion. Often times, people are often labeled "shy," when they're actually introverted. Shame and introversion often share some common traits, but they are not the same.
   • Shy is the state when you feel anxiety or fear in communicating with other people in society. This fear / anxiety can lead you to avoid social interactions even if you have a deep desire to communicate with them inwardly. This condition can be improved by changing thinking and behavior.
   • inner often personal. And this personality is hardly changed over time. Introverts often aren't socially active because their need for social interaction is lower than extroverts and they feel content with it. They don't intend to avoid social interactions because of fear or anxiety, but simply don't need to fit in much.
   • Research shows that shame and introspection are not strongly correlated. You may feel awkward, but you really want to communicate with people. Meanwhile, introverts feel comfortable playing with their best friends.
   • You can learn more about shame-related questions and scales through the research at the Wellesley College website.

2. 

   Identify the traits of your introvert. Most people fall somewhere between "introvert" and "extrovert." And this can even change, based on circumstances. However, if you think your bashful guy is actually an introvert, explore it for yourself through a few of the following traits:
   • He likes to be alone. In many cases, very introverted people prefer alone. They don't feel lonely on their own, and they need that lonely time to recharge. Of course, they are not anti-social, simply their need for social inclusion is very low.
   • He is easy to fall into the state of overreaction This includes not only stimulation by social circumstances, but also physical activity. For introverts, the biological response to noise, light, and crowds is somewhat stronger than for extroverts. It is for this reason that they tend to avoid overly aggressive environments, like nightclubs or party halls.
   • He hates joining a group project. Introverts often want to work alone, or with just one or two people. They love to solve problems themselves and to come up with solutions without any help.
   • He wants to integrate into society quietly. Of course, introverts also enjoy being active in the company. However, noisy social activities tend to make them feel tired and need to "recharge" themselves. That is why they just want to join some private party with a few close friends or a family party with the neighbors.
   • He likes to do something in a daily routine. While extroverts get excited about something new, introverts are just the opposite. They like something that is stable and predictable. They can plan everything in advance, do what they usually do each day, and spend a lot of time thinking before deciding to act.

3. 

   Realize that certain personality factors may be "innate.""If your guy is introverted, you might be tempted to ask him to change. While it's possible to make an introvert more intimate and comfortable, research shows. that there is some biological difference between the introvert and the extrovert brains, which gives rise to the idea that some personality element cannot go any further.
   • For example, extroverts are more likely to respond more strongly to dopamine - a brain neurotransmitter - than an introvert.
   • The amygdala of the extrovert, an area in the center of the brain that processes human emotions, often reacts to stimuli completely differently than the introverts.

4. 

   Do a little quiz with your shy guy. This is considered a fun way to learn more about the other's personality. The personality test called the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory (MBTI) is one of the famous tests that test the characteristic personality of an introvert / extrovert. This test is often used by a mental health professional. However, the MBTI personality test comes in many versions that you can take online. Of course, they are not comprehensive and not completely reliable, but they can still give you a good idea.
   • 16Personalities is a popular MBTI type test. It will tell you a few strengths and weaknesses related to your "type" of personality.
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Advice

• Prepare a deck of cards or a travel game to invite him to play with.

Warning

• While teasing often stimulates interactions between close friends, this behavior can cause a particularly embarrassing person to become more embarrassed. You should avoid this type of interaction until the interaction between you and the guy becomes more intimate.