Content

• Steps
• Advice
• Warning

Autism or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) is sometimes called Asperger's Syndrome and Atypical Autism (PDD-NOS). It affects people in many different ways. Some have a lot of difficulties in a relationship and others even avoid it and dare not face it. If your boyfriend is autistic, you may be wondering how you can overcome the problems that exist in your relationship. To start, communicate better with your boyfriend by: anticipating social challenges, accepting the overlap of certain behaviors, staying calm when unhappy, and listening to what he wants to say. .

Steps

Part 1 of 3: Understanding your boyfriend better

1. 

   Learn more about autism. By equipping yourself with the knowledge about the pathology as well as the difficulties it causes, you will better understand the challenges in your boyfriend's daily life. That will help you become patient, learn how to communicate better and even, in many cases, improve your relationship.
   • Read general definitions of autism.
   • Focus on studying books and articles of the autistic person - they have the real experience of the insider.
   • Be careful with sources of information and documents: some groups claim to be for autistic people, but in fact just make an effort to keep them quiet.

2. 

   
   
   Be aware of the communication challenges your boyfriend faces. Autistic people have difficulty communicating like normal people. Some expressions may not be very clear, easy to understand and, therefore, confuse the listener in giving the appropriate response. They lead to misunderstandings and give rise to problems in your relationship. To avoid this, try to speak face-to-face as much as possible.
   • For example, when you say, "This morning, she texted me", you might expect him to ask, "About what?". However, the truth is that because you only gave one narrative, he may not understand that you want the two to talk. Maybe you better ask, "Do you want to know what she texted me today?" Or just say what she texted.
   • Every autistic person is different. Expect to learn and adjust gradually as you get to know him better.

3. 

   
   
   Be aware of social challenges. Happy and easy social situations for you can make your boyfriend feel extremely difficult and stressful. The buzz and crowding out of some social situations can make him feel anxious and unable to focus on what others are saying. Sometimes, he will have a hard time introducing himself and talking to others.
   • Try writing letters to your boyfriend, discussing his role in meetings. Use direct language and discuss only one issue at a time. For example, you could write a letter and focus on why you want him to be with you at a party.
   • Work together to make the social situation more comfortable for your boyfriend. Maybe he'll be able to deal with the party if he takes a break every half hour (or so) or decides to leave early and he understands that he will be freed from the situation quickly. .

4. 

   
   
   Discuss physical challenges. Some autistic people do not want to be touched or aware of the right time to make emotional gestures. Therefore, your boyfriend may not notice when you want a hug or he will show discomfort when being touched without notice. Talk about these things so you can physically better connect.
   • For example, when you are upset about something, you could say: “Right now, I feel very sad. Can you hug me? It will help you get better ”.

5. 

   Accept the repetition, repetition of actions, gestures. Some autistic people have habits that help them feel better. Breaking habits can make them upset and anxious. Try to understand all of the habits that comfort the person and do everything in your power so that they won't be interrupted.
   • For example, if your boyfriend is running at 7pm every day, respect the time and don't try to stop him.
   • Self-assault, such as banging hands or looking at light bulbs, is another common autism symptom. Accept that they are as important as possible, you don't understand why he did it.

6. 

   Understand what your boyfriend needs. Every autistic person is unique. Your boyfriend is likely to face very different challenges from other autistic people. Ask questions to better understand his interests and difficulties and from that, be more attentive with what he needs.
   • For example, you could say, “I wish I could understand and help you more. Tell me about the difficulties I encountered? ”.
   • Don't forget to ask about your personal limitations on physical contact. For example, does he mind being hugged? Do you need to report before trying to hug him?

7. 

   Understand the complications of the disease. Autistic people can develop anxiety, depression, and other mental illnesses. People with disabilities, especially those with communication and emotional difficulties (including many autistic individuals) are at risk of becoming a victim of sexual violence by their caregivers or others and this can lead to Post-Traumatic Mental Disorder. Please support and sympathize with every challenge he faces.
   • If he has been abused, he may not want to share the details with you. The best way to help is by respecting this desire and gently asking (but not urging) to see a doctor when you become overly stressed.

8. 

   Eliminate prejudice. There are many stereotypes about autism, such as an autistic person's inability to feel or love. But, they are completely incorrect. Autistic people are just as emotional as many others, they just have their own way of expressing.
   • Speak out for autistic people by pointing out false statements when faced with them. Try starting with something like: "I know ___ is a common stereotype about autistic people, but the truth is ..."
   • Recent research has shown that autistic people can experience more profound or emotional intensity than the average person.
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Part 2 of 3: Dealing with differences in communication

1. 

   Be ready for a genuine answer. Sometimes when we care about each other, we use harmless lies or cover up the truth so that we don't hurt the other person. Autistic people probably won't. On the contrary, you may receive a very honest answer from your boyfriend. He does not intentionally hurt you, it is simply the way he communicates and talks.
   • For example, when asking your boyfriend: "Are you pretty in this shirt?", You might expect an answer of "yes". But an autistic person may say "no" when they really feel that way. Therefore, you should probably avoid asking questions that might yield an unwanted answer.
   • Remember that being honest is how he tries to help you.

2. 

   
   
   Answer his question. Because it is difficult for an autistic person to understand satire or other lustrous expressions, you may find yourself in a situation where your boyfriend asks a lot of questions. Don't be bothered if this happens, he asks just out of concern and wants to get to know you better.

3. 

   
   
   Tell him how you feel. Don't forget that body language and other non-verbal cues can be difficult for an autistic person. Instead of trying to use them to convey to your boyfriend and let him speculate, make it clear how you feel or think. That way, you can avoid uncomfortable situations or even quarrels.
   • For example, normally, when a person avoids making eye contact with you, it is more likely to be a sign that the person is upset or not interested in you. But for an autistic person, avoiding eye contact is nothing special and usually doesn't say anything. It helps to say "I was very stressed today" or "I had a bad day".
     • Further, if your boyfriend avoids making eye contact with you, don't think it's a sign that he's not interested in you - unless he says it directly.
   • If he does something that makes you uncomfortable, Say. Hints or keeping quiet and then exploding won't help. Be frank for him to understand and change. For example: "Don't click your tongue. That sound really annoys me."

4. 

   
   
   Let your boyfriend know how you want him to react. Some autistic people have confusion about how they choose to respond to certain situations. But, you can help him understand what you need and expect from him by making it clear how you want him to respond in those situations.
   • For example, if you get frustrated when he tries to give advice while you talk about your workday, simply say: “I'm glad you wanted to help but the truth is, I just need you to calm down. just listen to me ”.
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Part 3 of 3: Be a Team

1. 

   Be willing to be more proactive. An autistic person may have difficulty taking initiative or not knowing what to do and whether something is appropriate. Make things easier by being proactive with what you want, whether flirting or hugging.
   • In addition to the difficulty in social situations, some autistic people lack motivation or understanding about sex and its implications. So maybe he will say or do something with sexual implications or multiple meanings without even realizing it.
     • For example, maybe he'll ask you to spend the night in complete clarity, unaware that it might be a more sensitive offer to most girls. In this case, explain the implications of, and the intimacy, sexual stimulation in the bedroom between two people of the opposite sex. Also, explain that overnight sleep is usually meant only for groups of young people of the same sex.
     • It is also possible that due to the inherent nature of autism, because he does not dare to look straight, he seems to be staring at your chest. Don't panic or give negative conclusions about him. Just say softly: "I don't feel comfortable when you look that way" and ask him to look directly at you or somewhere else.
     • If you want to have sex or get closer physically, make sure he fully understands what sex is and when he agrees to do it, what he actually consented to.

2. 

   Talk before discussing your autism with others. Some autistic people are quite comfortable revealing their illnesses, others just want to go public with a small number of people. Talk to him about how he feels about having the disease and who you can discuss it with.

3. 

   Handle conflict as calmly as possible. Exchange thoughts and feelings calmly and frankly. Whether it's right to be angry or hurt, a straightforward approach is probably going to be far more effective than an emotional response. Acting on feelings can make the other person confused, not understanding why you are so upset.
   • Avoid using "I" statements: such as "I haven't", "I don't", "I must", etc.
   • Instead, use the statement "I": "I feel", "I think", "I want", etc. This is a helpful, effective general approach with all (not just autistic people).

4. 

   Listen to your boyfriend. To understand his vision, listen and let him know he is being heard. Make sure to take the time to pause and listen as your boyfriend speaks. Don't interrupt, just listen and try to understand what he wants to say before reacting.

5. 

   Recognize your boyfriend's feelings. Acknowledging other people's feelings of anxiety means acknowledging them and not lowering them. Even if you feel that his outlook is not right, you need to accept what he said so you can communicate openly in the relationship.
   • Seek understanding before reacting. If you don't know why you feel in some way, ask and listen carefully to the answer given.
   • For example, instead of responding, "There's no reason to be angry about what happened last night" try saying something like: "I understand you are angry at what happened last night. by".

6. 

   Cheer up his self-esteem. Autistic people tend to take themselves lightly - perhaps others have said that with autism and the constant "attitude" of noncooperation, they are just a burden. Give him lots of encouragement and encouragement, especially in difficult times.
   • Encourage him to get help if he shows signs of depression or suicidal thoughts.

7. 

   Accept your boyfriend as he is. Autism is a part of his experience, personality, and life. That won't change. Love unconditionally, love your autistic side and everything else. advertisement

Advice

• If you want to date, don't expect him to open up with you. Many autistic people don't know how to do that. Try to actively open your mouth.
• Make sure you are a girlfriend, not just a friend of the opposite sex. For an autistic person, unless it is clear that you consider him a boyfriend and want to be his girlfriend, he may just view you as a friend, even if you do things that are just New girlfriend makes him.

Warning

• If you hate or can't cope with your boyfriend's autism problems, break up. He deserves full love, someone who is willing to accept both the good and the bad side of him. You don't have to have a relationship tension you can't handle or get tired of trying to change someone.