Content

• To step
• Method 1 of 3: Believe in yourself
• Method 2 of 3: Be assertive
• Method 3 of 3: Resolve conflicts
• Tips
• Warnings

Standing up for yourself can be quite a challenge if you are used to always giving others their way or if you are a so-called pleaser. If you always ignore yourself to please everyone, there is a good chance that you will eventually lose yourself completely; By learning to stand up for yourself, you can make sure that other people treat you with respect and don't try to mess with you or manipulate you. You can't get out of the habit of ignoring yourself overnight, nor will you feel confident enough to stand up for yourself overnight, but the road to improvement begins with the first step.

To step

Method 1 of 3: Believe in yourself

1. Have faith in yourself. Developing strong self-confidence is the first step to standing up for yourself. If you don't trust or believe in yourself, how can you expect other people to?
   • Others can quickly tell when someone is in trouble and does not have enough self-confidence, which makes such a person an easy target. If you have confidence in yourself, people are less likely to bully you or think you are a wimp.
   • Self-confidence has to come from within, so do whatever you can to make sure you feel better about yourself. Learn a new skill, lose a few pounds, repeat positive mantras daily - nothing changes overnight, but your confidence will certainly grow over time.
2. Set goals for yourself. Goals make you feel like there is a destination that you can control, and they help you achieve what you really want. This is a very important part when it comes to standing up for yourself and preventing others from walking all over you.
   • Motivate yourself by setting an ambitious but achievable goal for yourself that you want to achieve within a few weeks. It could be anything - a promotion at work, a really high grade for your next test, or running a half marathon - as long as it's something that gives you a sense of self-worth.
   • When you finally achieve your goals, don't forget to take a moment to look back and see how far you have come and enjoy what you have achieved. Agree with yourself never to fall back to that failure you once were.
3. Work on your posture. Your attitude is extremely important - your attitude affects the way others see you and even the way you view yourself. Your posture determines your voice, the level of your thoughts and is reflected in your face and your posture.
   • Remember that your attitude is contagious. If you are exuberant, happy and enthusiastic about everything, you will naturally encourage the people around you to also feel good about themselves and the world around them. If you are grumpy, pessimistic, and negative about everything, on the other hand, you will soon convey that same negative attitude to others.
   • By nature, we prefer to hang out with people who make us feel good about ourselves and we are more likely to listen to people and respond positively to what they have to say if their attitude is positive.
   • Likewise, we are more likely to stay away from wallflowers or people who are always trying to play the aggrieved party or the victim, or who want to give the impression that they are constantly being oppressed. Choose to take and feel a positive attitude and you have taken the first step towards standing up more for yourself.
4. Stop seeing yourself as a victim. If you act like a victim you are doing the exact opposite of standing up for yourself. Instead, you try to make yourself small and thus avoid the responsibility of a particular situation, while blaming others for your problems.
   • For many people, the inability to speak up for themselves stems from the fear of being rejected or laughed at, as a result of a similar negative experience they have had in the past. If you choose to take those negative experiences personally and withdraw into your shell, you will no longer stand up for yourself and become a victim.
   • If you have had negative experiences in the past, the best way to deal with those experiences is to talk about them with someone you trust. This will help you discover the underlying cause of that image you have of yourself as a victim, which will allow you to do something about it, instead of hiding behind it.
5. Make sure you feel good physically. You don't have to look like a superman or woman, but your looks do matter and making sure you look fit, strong, and healthy will help you feel more confident and stand up for yourself.
   • Choose an activity that you enjoy doing - whether it's weight lifting, running, dancing, or rock climbing - and throw yourself into it. Not only will you look better physically and feel more comfortable in your own skin, but you will also have a lot of fun doing it, becoming more engaging and smug as a person along the way!
   • It is also a good idea to think about a self-defense course or to take up some oriental martial arts. Thanks to the inner discipline that you learn to muster, your confidence will be boosted and the movements you learn to perform to defend yourself will easily double your confidence, allowing you to stand up for yourself you ever get into a physical fight.

Method 2 of 3: Be assertive

1. Be assertive. Being assertive is the key to standing up for yourself. And that's not just any cliché. It is a legitimate means of increasing your chances of getting what you want and getting others to listen to you in the way you deserve.
   • By being assertive, you can express your wishes, needs, and preferences in a way that shows that you are willing to stand up for yourself with respect for the other party. Being assertive is about being open and honest about your thoughts and feelings while trying to work towards a solution that is mutually satisfying.
   • When you let the other know how you feel and what you think about something, the best way to do this is to mention yourself ("I") as much as possible instead of the other ("you") in the sentences you use. , because that will come across as less accusatory and less likely to cause the other person to be on the defensive. For example, instead of saying, "You never ask how I feel about it," say something like, "I feel ignored when you make decisions without consulting me."
   • Being assertive is largely a skill that can be learned, so don't feel guilty if it doesn't come naturally. There are many books and courses in the field of assertiveness training. You could be the classic for starters If I say no, I feel guilty, from the American psychologist Manuel Smith and Right to speak - Work on assertiveness yourself by Robert Alberti and Michael Emmons. See also the articles Being assertive and Speaking well and confidently.
2. Learn to say no. Learning to say no is one of the most difficult but at the same time one of the most important things you have to learn to buy up for yourself. If you tend to say "yes" all the time because you'd rather not let anyone down, you run the risk of letting everyone else take advantage of you.
   • For example, if your employer asks you to work overtime day in and day out, and your coworker doesn't seem to have a problem with going home punctually at six, it can be pretty hard to say no. But if that extra workload is going to put a strain on your private life and your relationships, then you will still have to stand up for yourself. Don't prioritize other people's needs at the expense of your own - learn to say no when you have to.
   • Learning to say no will help you stand up for yourself both in the company of friends and in front of people who are intimidating you in some way. Think of that friend who just wants to borrow money from you all the time and never pays it back; by being assertive, you will be able to ask for that money back and say no next time, without damaging the friendship.
   • People may be surprised at first, but eventually you will learn to accept your new form of determination, and they may eventually respect it themselves.
3. Use body language. The way you stand, walk and sit is very important for the impression you make on people. With positive body language you can command respect and get people to agree and trust you, while negative body language (slouching, cringing) is actually inviting people to treat you in a rude way as well.
   • By using open body language, you show people that you are confident, confident and that you are not to be trifled with. Open body language involves leaning forward, making eye contact, standing with your hands on your hips and feet apart, and making slow but steady gestures. Furthermore, when you meet or greet someone, make sure that your heart is in his or her direction and you should try not to stand or sit with your arms or legs crossed.
   • With closed body language, on the other hand, you send negative signals and it can lead to people attacking you. Closed body language involves standing or sitting with your arms folded, squeezing your hands and making quick, evasive gestures, fidgeting, avoiding eye contact, and turning your body sideways.
4. Practice standing up for yourself. For many shy people, standing up for themselves is not something they naturally do, but there is nothing wrong with that in itself. All you need to do is practice - you'll soon gain confidence and become more assertive when it comes to making sure your voice is heard.
   • Sometimes you may not be able to stand up for yourself because you may not be able to find the right words or you may not be able to pronounce them at that moment. Take some time to write down good answers to use in difficult situations and practice them with a friend using a stopwatch or egg timer.
   • Have your boyfriend or girlfriend pretend that he or she is a troublesome or intimidating person flooding you with insults. Set the stopwatch or egg timer for a minute or two and respond! Keep doing this until you get the hang of it.
   • You can also practice standing up for yourself in small, everyday situations. For example, instead of drinking that cappuccino without saying anything when the waitress took your order incorrectly, learn to say, "I'm sorry, but I actually ordered a wrong coffee. Could you bring it to me anyway?" Soon you will have the confidence to tackle bigger, more important problems too!
5. Stay away from negative people. Another aspect of standing up for yourself is learning to trust your instincts when it comes to other people and to act accordingly. For instance:
   • If someone else makes you feel bad with their negative attitude, don't hang out with them; begin to distance yourself in a polite but determined way. You don't have to explain to difficult people why you spend less time around them.
   • Avoid bullies, complainers and sarcasms. You get nowhere by being around them and you are not doing them any favors by continuing to listen to their gossip or by rewarding them for their bad behavior.
   • Always remember - staying away from sources of inconvenience and trouble is not the same as fleeing; it is an important part of learning to stand up for yourself because it shows that you make sure that nonsense and bullying do not affect your life.

Method 3 of 3: Resolve conflicts

1. Defend yourself in a calm and reasonable manner. If you are being attacked, challenged, or left out, defend yourself verbally and stand up for yourself when someone criticizes you, tries to stop you, or in the worst case, tries to hurt you physically.
   • Don't just keep eating yourself there; it is much better to say what is on your mind. Even if you do not change the end result, you have nevertheless shown both yourself and others that you are not simply mocked.
   • Often times, by calling attention to the disrespectful comment in a polite but clear way, or showing the rude behavior to others, you can change this, especially if others are listening in. An example: "Sorry, but I was next in line and I'm just as in a hurry as the lady who just came in."
   • Try not to whisper, mumble, or talk too quickly. The pitch at which and the speed at which you talk are very important if you want to convey what you want and determine how confident you feel.
   • Obviously, the way you stand up for yourself will depend on the situation and if the other person's behavior is very unpredictable, you should of course think about your own safety first.
2. Try not to get aggressive. You should never use direct violence while standing up for yourself. With aggressive or violent behavior you achieve the opposite of what you want and you do not make friends with it.
   • If you act aggressively - verbally or in any way - it is as if you are displaying your pain with images and sound. It is not a constructive way to get what you want and it will only get people to turn against you.
   • The chance that you will achieve a positive result is much higher if you approach all problems, no matter how small or how big, in the most objective way possible. You can still stand your ground and be confident and assertive without raising your voice or getting angry.
3. Don't try to be passive aggressive. Be careful not to react in a passive aggressive way to people and situations.
   • Passive-aggressive responses are responses in which you grumble and reluctantly do things you don't actually want and are left with feelings of anger and resentment, hating the people who make you feel that way, so that you end up feeling depressed and feels helpless.
   • This in turn negatively affects your relationships and can be very harmful to your physical and mental health. Perhaps most importantly, with a passive-aggressive attitude, you will never be able to stand up for yourself.
4. Try to turn negative events into something positive. Another way to stand up for yourself is to take in the negative things being said to you and turn them into something good. By trying to turn the negative things others say to you inside out and turn them into something positive, you often find that that attack is actually based on feelings of jealousy or insecurity. A few examples:
   • If someone claims that you are being bossy, instead of being belittled by it, try to see that as proof that you are a natural leader, someone who is able to manage people and projects in a good way. organizing and that you are someone who takes the initiative for change.
   • If someone says you are shy, interpret that as a compliment because it means that you are not willing to just plunge into anything, but rather think about the consequences first and then make your decision.
   • If someone says you are too sensitive or too emotional, take it as a sign that you have a big heart and aren't afraid to open it up to everyone.
   • Or maybe someone tells you that you are not focused enough on your career - to you that is confirmation that you are living a stress free life, which will help you live longer.
5. Do not give up. No matter how hard you try to boost your confidence, there will always be days when you relapse.
   • Rather than seeing this as a defeat in your attempt to learn to stand up for yourself, take it for what it is - a day or so when it didn't go the way it should be - put yourself before you you feel better back on the right track and climb back up from the valley. A few tricks that can help you with that are:
   • Fake it till you make it, in other words, pretend for now. Also, if you don't feel completely sure about yourself, try to pretend that you are.
   • Be consistent in your behavior. Eventually people will come to accept that who you are now is someone who stands up for themselves.
   • Assume that certain people will have a little trouble with your new, assertive attitude. It may take time to change the habits you adopted towards people who were used to walking all over you. Sometimes you will find that you really don't want to be part of their life anymore; just take things as they come.

Tips

• Always think in advance about what you are going to say or do.
• Talk in a confident, loud, and steady voice. Speak with authority and confidence. That way you will be able to transfer your own ideas and thoughts to others more easily.
• Smile. If you're not scared or intimidated, you smile, showing people something about yourself - namely, that you're not scared.
• Don't try to shout or yell at people; By raising your voice you give intimidating people a reason to laugh at you or only make the situation worse and you show very clearly that you are no longer in control of the situation. Even a fearful person will eventually respond with disapproval to someone who raises their voice.
• Your own willingness to change the way others view you and the way you interact with other people is vital. If you're tired of having everyone walk all over you, being a pleaser or being intimidated, or always being the one that others take advantage of, then you're good to go.
• Do not exaggerate. Standing up for yourself and making a strong impression is one thing, but making a fool of yourself while working on that is quite another.
• Keep in mind that you are in no way inferior to others; you are worth as much as the rest. Tell others anything that feels good and profitable. If you say it straightforward, others will certainly accept it.
• Trust friends and other people you feel comfortable with if you feel like you can't do it on your own - standing up for yourself doesn't have to be an endless, lonely endeavor.
• Forgive the people close to you if they have ever treated you in a less kind way. When you feel like you need advice, it is easier to tell someone about your problems when you no longer have feelings of resentment towards that person.
• Never say, "I can't" when the going gets tough. Saying that will only put yourself down.

Warnings

• Don't worry about people struggling with your more assertive nature; you can always recommend to those people things they can do for themselves, but you don't have to explain your own character, apologize for it, or stay close to them. It's your life; so keep standing up for yourself!
• Avoid saying things like, "I have to stand up for myself." This lets people know that you are still learning to stand up for yourself and that you are actually not sure enough about yourself. Don't give them that space; instead, give them the idea that you have been able to stand up for yourself for a long time.
• Don't try to associate with people who intend to change you. Find friends who accept you as you are and make sure that those you hang out with are really good friends.
• This is a manual, not an official regulation. You should carry the rules with you in your heart, and they are made up of your own experiences and preferences. Take whatever you want from it; and throw away anything that doesn't apply to you.
• Assume that other people who are learning to stand up for themselves can sometimes be tough opponents. You will instinctively feel their pain and weaknesses as they mirror your own experiences, but that is no reason to take off your mask and allow them to hurt you or disrespect you. If you can, help those people find their way to overcome insecure behavior, but don't go along with their negative spiral.