Content

• To step
• Part 1 of 3: Being Aimabel
• Part 2 of 3: Meeting people
• Part 3 of 3: Maintaining friendships
• Tips
• Warnings

The number of possible scenarios is endless: you have moved to a new place to live, and you do not really remember how that whole human event went; your long-term relationship has caused your social network to be somewhat neglected; maybe you lack social skills. Whatever the reason, we all need friends. Suddenly, what should be as simple as breathing or cycling seems a lot more intimidating, doesn't it? As with anything, actually, it's important to take one step at a time.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Being Aimabel

1. Be happy with yourself. If you follow your own interests and passions, and are happy with them, then there is a good chance that others will find you interesting too. Do not hesitate to have a conversation about your hobbies, but do not hijack the entire conversation.
   • If the thought of meeting new people makes you sweat, worrying about how boring your comment about ferrets was, or worrying about whether people would still want to talk to you at all, it will show. The solution? Stop it! People are generally harmless, and are usually too absorbed in what they say themselves to be able to take other things into account. And if you never see them again ... so what? There are so many other people who are looking for friends.
2. Be friendly. Makes sense, isn't it? But it still has to be said. If you don't act friendly, people will think you're not interested in making friends. Most people are easily intimidated and love security. If you don't seem receptive or warm, or if you look like you don't feel like meeting new people, people aren't likely to knock on your door. And since this is a concept that you were brought up with, you know exactly what we're talking about now.
   • Be willing to listen. Even if family tree research isn't your favorite topic of conversation, be willing to listen and ask questions. Chances are you will gain new interest.
3. Smile. Greet the people you meet with a smile. It is a friendly gesture that attracts people, shows them that you are involved with your environment, and that you are open to making connections. Can you picture yourself trying to befriend that guy in the corner whose face is on a thunderstorm? I do not think so. Make it a little less unnerving for yourself by taking an open posture and radiating warmth.
   • Maintain an open, inviting body language. If there are people around, try to point your body towards them (and not the door, for example). Keep your arms open and don't touch your phone. There are people in the real world who deserve your attention.
4. Let people tell about themselves. Many people needlessly blame themselves for not knowing what to say. They see the latter as the main culprit in their poor social skills. But you have to talk and you have to listen. And of those two, the latter is a lot more important. People seek friends who are willing to socialize them to listen, and who feel that this is more important than talking themselves. So if you're not such an eloquent speaker, relax. You'll be fine without all that eloquence.
   • Ask questions. Everyone likes it when they are asked questions. Moreover, this way you remove the spotlight from yourself. Open questions are especially suitable. Yes or no questions don't really allow the conversation to develop, and puts the pressure back on you to ask further. So rather ask questions that need to be answered in more detail.
5. Remember details about them. How impressive is it when you've only met someone once, and he or she then asks you how your birthday party was, how your mom is doing, or something small that you discussed at the time? It feels good to know that someone has paid attention to you and appreciates the information you have shared. Be that someone! Making friends is all about making someone else feel good.
   • Details can also catch your eye. Is it about something that someone is wearing, is carrying, or whatever? Ask for it? Who knows, a very interesting conversation will unfold?
6. Put aside your shyness and insecurity. People are naturally attracted to self-confidence. If you're clingy, everyone will soon run away. You don't have to be cool, but realize that whatever your audience's reaction is, it doesn't really matter. Be yourself. You can't be better than that.
   • Still, that's easier said than done, isn't it? Overcoming uncertainty is a process that some people never manage to complete. But it is mainly about positive thinking. If you can't fully overcome your insecurity, try to focus on your positive thoughts.

Part 2 of 3: Meeting people

1. Visit all kinds of different spots. The only way to meet new people is to get out of your house and do things. You got to know people in high school and that's how you got to know people, but you didn't choose that yourself. And by the way, how many of those people do you actually find for real fun? The more you do, the more interesting you will become, and the more interesting people you will meet. That's a fact. Point.
   • All kinds of different places. Even places you would never normally go. Those are the places where you will be most surprised! Visit that cafe you've heard so much about. Or go to that museum for abstract art. Check out your younger brother's soccer games. By the end of the week, you will have gained so much material to talk that at least talking shouldn't be a problem anymore.
2. Do things. Always. Always do things. The more you do, the more interesting and broader your perspective on the world becomes. You will have seen more things and met more people. And you will be busy! Busy meeting people, gaining experiences, and living. All of that.
   • When people meet you, they will likely assume a fair number of things. It's up to you to rip off those labels right away and show them that you are a dynamic and versatile person. Are you a leggy blonde? Maybe you like magazines and GTST. But also from neurobiology, huh? Wow! Do you only wear flannel and always listen to Neutral Milk Hotel? Oh wait… You also speak Russian, and have you studied French cuisine? Nice.
3. Make use of your current contacts. Even if you only have one friend, you can have access to a ready-made social network. Besides. Your colleagues, your neighbors, your cousin - they all know people you could get to know! Take advantage of this! Invite them over and ask them to bring some friends. Go to festivals, concerts, and other public events where they attend. Put your contacts to work for you!
   • This is also a good way to make friends with your acquaintances. Let that one coworker you know is a wine connoisseur know that you want to plunge into that world too. Maybe he has suggestions for you. Talk to your neighbor about her garden, how does she keep it so neat? Before you know it, you will be attending wine tastings, and you will have joined your neighbor's reading club. Maybe you should babysit sometime in return ... Well, it's worth it!
4. Know that you never know anything. This is a succinct way of saying, “Go do things you don't expect to produce friendships because they actually deliver. ” Your little niece's soccer tournament? Sure, why not. An open stage at the local comedy club? Of course! If you visit these places more often, you will regularly encounter the same heads. And you already know that you have something in common!
5. Accept invitations. If you don't, you won't be invited anymore.While the little voice in your head might tell you it's going to be awful, you can do your best to agree. Maybe the party will be a drama indeed, but you might meet someone who feels the same way. Maybe you're not the biggest fan of country music, volleyball, or beer ... Accept the invitation anyway. If it really disappoints you can always leave.
   • If you are convinced that you will find something terrible, you will. Don't waste your time doing things you know you'll hate. Instead, choose to be open to the possibility that it will be fun. And if not, at least you have gained a new experience. What's the worst that could happen? It's no fun, and you leave. What is the best that can happen? It's great fun, you met people, and you found something that you really like. That's right, we thought so too.
6. Take the initiative. News flash: We are all nervous about meeting new people. It's much easier to just stay in our own world and wait for people to come to us. But the problem arises when everyone is going to do that. Do us all a favor by initiating a conversation every now and then. People are (usually) warm and polite, and are not likely to reject your attempt, much less in a way that would embarrass you. The worst that can happen is that they chat for a while and then end the conversation. You have not lost anything.
   • Initiating conversations, in its own way, is also terrifying. To make it easier, you can focus on one thing: make a comment about the environment. That's all! Are you in line at the coffee house? Talk about coffee, about the long line, or whether you really need caffeine. Are you at a party? Talk about the host, the snacks, or who's embarrassing himself again. The conversation can only get better from there.
7. Get contact information. Too often people have had a good time with each other, and both parties would like to become friends, but no one is bothering. Maybe you should take the initiative for this. Ask for their phone number, email address, or if they have Facebook. And make use of it!
   • If you've had a fun, interesting conversation, don't worry about looking creepy. You can just ask if he / she is on Facebook or ask him / her for his / her phone number. You don't have to turn a mosquito into an elephant. If you stay cool and casual, then there is no reason to decline your request.

Part 3 of 3: Maintaining friendships

1. Stay positive. In the beginning of friendship it is important to keep the interaction positive and friendly. If you don't, you run the risk of becoming that girl or boy who is so tough on the hand, or that one mop ear who has a negative view of everything. New friends are friends you want to laugh with, not cry with… Not yet, at least.
   • Pity, yes, is also a powerful tool. And a common enemy can also bring two parties closer together. Negative feelings can be very, very coherent. Still, it's generally better to save this for when the relationship is a bit firmer. Don't start gossiping until later, when you've gotten to know each other a little better. You can strengthen your bond by gossiping about your boss's ridiculous suit or Susan's “pregnancy,” but don't do so until the time is right.
2. Ask for advice. How do you go from talking to friends at work to friends on the weekend? Well, usually because of heavier subjects. A bond of trust needs to be created to take the friendship beyond the coffee maker. You can ask for advice to initiate this movement. Identify a small problem in your life and ask for their opinion. They will feel important and important to you. This will make them like you a lot more right away. And maybe they will trace that sentiment back to you.
   • For example, we are talking about which espresso machine you should buy, or where you absolutely should go when you go on vacation to New Zealand. Maybe about how to deal with your annoying roommate. But not about your life-threatening illness. It must be a subject that the other person can do something with, you understand? Sometimes they can do their bit, and you will benefit from this. You want them to feel useful, you don't want to overwhelm them with impossible tasks.
3. Do your part. Just like keeping your body and mind in shape, you also need to keep your relationships in shape. Once you've made friends - you hang out every now and then, you feel comfortable with each other - don't let them bleed to death! Send us a message and tell us about something funny you saw. Invite them to lunch, or a party, or whatever event you like.
   • And if your new boyfriend is having a hard time, be there for him / her. Sacrificing time for each other is part of friendship. If your friend needs a favor, do it if you can. If he or she needs a shoulder to cry on, offer it! Show that you care about your friends. Friendship is not always rosy and moonshine. Sometimes they need a little love to thrive.
4. Never take it personally. The older we get, the more and more balls we have to hold up at the same time. In other words, people are busy. People have lives to sustain. If your friendship hasn't reached the “OMG we're BFFLs!” Phase yet, that's fine. You also have your own life. If you can make each other's lives a little better every now and then, perfect. That's all you need.
5. Be a good friend. No friendship will last if you don't treat the other person right. When you get to know each other, it's not enough just to be friendly. You also have to be a good friend. Someone who really cares about the other person, and someone worth spending time with. You reap what you sow, in fact. So if you want someone to trust you, make time for you, make you feel good about life, then you should do the same for them.
   • It's all well and good when you are a good friend in prosperity, but it is more important to be a good friend in times of adversity. If your friend is sick, you don't have to bring a bowl of chicken soup right away. You can send him / her a text message to ask how things are going and if he / she needs anything. If something is wrong, let him / her know that you are there for him / her. And when it's your turn to feel down for a while, hopefully he / she will be there for you too.

Tips

• If you're afraid of being rejected (aren't we all ?!) you can always look for someone with a friendly face, walk up to him or her, and ask what time it is (unless you're wearing a watch yourself. have!). Usually, if not always, they will be more than happy to tell you what time it is. Then you can introduce yourself and start a conversation. If there is no conversation, then at least you have gained some important information (such as what time it is!), And you have not suffered too much emotional damage.
• To make sure you remember someone's name (among other things), you can use their names while saying goodbye (say, "Goodbye, Susan.") If you use a wrong name, he or she will tell you correct, and then try to remember the correct name. Then, if you really have such a bad memory, you can grab a pen and paper to write the name down. Also write some information, so that you know what to talk about at the next meeting. Writing down things like this will help you with future interactions.
• (Smile) Laugh and joke! If you don't know any jokes, try to find some. Google for “jokes” and try to remember a few. Use a few to make you and others smile, and try to see the funny side of life. In fact, smiling is good for you, both for your physical, mental and emotional health. It helps to be happy and makes you appear kinder to others. You will therefore have a more open image, and thus make friends with others more quickly. People are drawn to happy, smiling people. So do your best and put one on!
• If you think you're embarrassed (by stepping into the wrong room, for example, or stumbling), be the first to laugh at you (and apologize). This shows the eyewitnesses (who might be laughing themselves) that you are relaxed and fun, and don't take yourself too seriously. This will make you less likely to feel embarrassed. In addition, the spectators will laugh at you, instead of at you.
• Good ways to start conversations include, "What are your hobbies?" / "What music / movies / TV series do you like?" / "Do you work? What is your job?". These kinds of questions will hopefully help you find something you have in common.
• Try to discuss common interests or concerns. This can often help forge lifelong and fulfilling friendships.
• List your excellent, unique qualities and skills. Keep the list with you, and read it if you feel your courage. Or, even better, make a list of all the things you can do, all the things you are grateful for, etc. Read through this in the morning before starting the day.
• If you're tongue-tied, don't worry. You always have something to talk about. Namely, about THE OTHER! It's always smart to let people talk about themselves. In this way you not only get to know them better, but you also take advantage of the fact that people enjoy talking about themselves.

Warnings

• Don't be rude. As difficult as it may be, don't try to talk through or interrupt people. Especially with new friends, this shows that you are not interested in what they have to tell you. They will think you cannot be a good friend.
• Don't criticize or condemn. Nobody likes to be put down. Certainly not when meeting each other for the very first time.
• Don't brag. Nobody likes to hear stories about that ridiculous Swiss bank account, or that vacation home in the Bahamas! You may drop these later on, but advertising your blessings like that comes across as boasting. Your conversation partners will sometimes scratch their heads before they start talking to you again. In the worst case scenario, they even get jealous, and you've just lost a potentially valuable friendship.