Calm down when you are angry

Video: How To Calm Down When You’re Angry

Content

To step
Part 1 of 3: Calm down when you are angry
Part 2 of 3: Changing your perspective
Part 3 of 3: Live a calmer life
Tips
Warnings

Do you suffer from tantrums? Have you been known to swear, kick things, and utter obscene language that scares other people around you? Do you suddenly feel your blood boil when you're stuck in traffic, get relatively insignificant bad news, or just when you hear something you don't like? If this is the case, then you will have to find a way to control yourself before anger takes over your entire life. Dealing with chronic anger can be very difficult, so you need to learn some strategies to be able to calm yourself at such a time and in the longer term.

To step

Part 1 of 3: Calm down when you are angry

Go for a walk. By taking a step back from the situation, you can calm yourself and think things through better. It may be even better to go for a walk in nature and focus on that. By going for a walk you can immediately get rid of some of the negative energy and you can take a step back from the problem. When you're in the middle of a heated argument, it's not at all crazy to say, "I'm going for a walk."
- Remember, you don't need to respond immediately in most situations. You can leave the room for a moment and give yourself time to cool down before responding to someone.
Control your impulses. When you have tantrums, your first impulse is usually not the best. Maybe you want to kick your car, hit a wall, or yell at someone. But ask yourself if you really want to do that and if it will pay off, instead of giving in to that first impulse.
- Your first impulse may be violent, destructive, and completely irrational. Don't make things worse by giving in to this.
Dance. Dancing might be the last thing you feel like doing when you're so angry, but that's exactly why you should be doing it. If you are stuck in your anger, turn on your favorite music, dance and sing along to the lyrics. Your unhealthy impulses are thus distracted by external stimuli.
- If this method works well for you, then you can use it any time you find yourself inundated with anger.
Do breathing exercises. Sit up straight in a chair. Take a deep breath in through your nose, counting to 6. Then exhale slowly, counting to 8 or 9. Pause and repeat 10 times.
- Try to concentrate on your breathing so that everything that bubbled up in it clears your mind.
Count back from 50. Counting out loud or in a whisper will calm you down within a minute. Try to relax your body as you do this so that all you have to worry about is the numbers. By focusing on this simple, concrete task, you will not be overwhelmed by your anger and you will be able to handle your problems with a clear head.
- If you are still angry, repeat the exercise or even count back from 100.
Meditate. Meditation can help you control your emotions. If you feel like you are losing control because of your tantrum, take a little vacation by meditating. Withdraw from the situation causing the anger: go outside, to a stairwell, or even to the bathroom.
- Take a deep, slow breath. Breathing like this lowers your fast heart rate. Your breath should be deep enough that your abdomen expands on the inhale.
- Visualize your body filling with a golden white light as you inhale so that your mind relaxes.As you exhale, visualize muddy or dark colors leaving your body.
- Make it a habit to meditate every morning, even if you are not angry, you will generally feel much calmer.
Visualize a peaceful scene. Close your eyes and imagine the most beautiful place on earth, be it a beach you went on vacation as a child, or a beautiful lake you recently visited. It can also be a place where you have never actually been; a forest, a field with flowers or a beautiful landscape. Choose a place where you immediately calm down, then you will notice that your breathing soon returns to normal.
- Focus on every little detail. The more details you see, the more you push the angry thoughts into the background.
Listen to calming music. Relax to your favorite music so that you calm down and get a better mood. Music makes you feel a certain way and it brings back memories. It can calm you down when you are angry or irritated, even if you don't know why you feel that way. Classical music and jazz are especially good for calming people down, but you'll have to find out what works best for you.
Put a positive spin on your thoughts. You can reduce your anger by consciously focusing on positive thoughts. Close your eyes, banish all negative thoughts, and think of at least three positive things.
- The positive thoughts can be aspects of the situation that makes you so angry, or just different thoughts about something that makes you look forward to or makes you happy.
- Some examples of positive thoughts are:
  - This will pass.
  - I am strong enough to handle this.
  - A challenge only makes me stronger.
  - I'm not going to be so angry forever; this is a temporary feeling.

Part 2 of 3: Changing your perspective

Use cognitive restructuring. This means changing the way you think about things. It can be very easy to focus so much on things that make you angry that you start to believe all kinds of irrational things, such as that everything in your life is bad. Cognitive restructuring encourages you to use rational and positive thoughts to gain a more positive outlook on life.
- You may think that everything that happens is bad. But if you think rationally about the things that happen, you may realize that good things also happen: you may have a flat tire, but you also find a dollar on the floor, you have problems at work, but you get a nice gift from a friend, all in one day. That's a combination of good and bad things, and if you focus more on the good things, you might find your life a lot more enjoyable.
- Another example of replacing a negative with a positive thought is the following: instead of saying "This always happens to me, I can't take it anymore!" rather "This has happened many times, and it always turned out fine; I'll get over it".
Record your anger in a journal. Write down all the details about your angry feelings. If there is a period or an event when you can no longer control your emotions, write it down. Write down exactly how you felt, what caused the anger, where you were, with whom, how you reacted, and how you felt afterward.
- After you have been writing in your journal for a while, you may begin to see a pattern and discover people, places, or things that are causing the anger.
Understand the things that make you angry. In addition to learning how to calm yourself when you get angry, try to understand the anger by discovering what causes it. Many people find that knowing what is causing the anger and why they get so angry can work to control their emotional response.
Practice positive communication. You may make yourself even more angry if you say the first thing that comes to mind right away, which makes you raise yourself up, anger the other person, and make the situation seem worse than it actually is. When you get angry, think about what is actually causing the anger and then say what you really feel.
- One form of positive communication is an assertive expression of anger. Rather than passively expressing yourself (being angry without saying anything) or becoming aggressive (exploding in such a way that it is out of proportion), you can communicate assertively. Use the facts at stake (not exaggerated by emotions) to respectfully ask (rather than demand) others for something. Communicate clearly and express your feelings so that everyone's needs are met.
Know when to ask for help. Many people can learn to deal with anger themselves. However, if the following apply, you may need professional help:
- You get very angry about unimportant things.
- When you are angry, you become aggressive, yell or hit.
- The problem is chronic; it happens over and over again.
Take an anger management course. It has been found that anger management courses can be very successful. A good program teaches you to understand your anger, offers you short-term strategies for dealing with your anger, and helps you build emotional skills. There are all kinds of programs available, so choose one that suits you.
- Special programs are available that are tailored to a specific age group, profession or life situation.
- Search the Internet for "anger management" with the name of your city or province. You can also add terms like "for teens" or "for the elderly" to find a group tailored to your specific situation.
- You can also ask your doctor or psychologist if he / she can recommend a suitable program for you. Sometimes community centers also organize special programs for self-development.
Find a suitable therapist. The best way to learn to stay calm is to identify the cause of your tantrums. A therapist can give you relaxation exercises to help you deal with situations where you get angry. He / she can teach you emotional skills to handle anger better, or teach you to communicate better. In addition, a psychoanalyst who specializes in solving past problems (such as childhood neglect or abuse) can help you reduce anger related to past events.
- You can find an anger management therapist near you by searching the Internet.

Part 3 of 3: Live a calmer life

Create a positive environment for yourself. Surround yourself with good things. Whether it's scented candles, house plants or photos of your family and friends, surround yourself with everything that makes you happy. Keep your work and living space neat, positive and light, then you will feel more positive and less tense.
- The less clutter you have, the easier you can do your chores. You get angry less quickly if you can find everything easily.
Make time for things you enjoy doing. Part of the reason you get angry may be that you never have time for yourself and are always stuck with all kinds of things you don't actually want to do. So if you like to paint, read or run, make sure you can do that often enough. You are less likely to be angry if you do what you want to do.
- If you find that you don't really have a passion or something that makes you happy, try to find out what calms you down.
Eat balanced meals. Many people know the feeling of being cranky from hunger. Avoid this feeling by eating healthy meals packed with protein, fruits and vegetables. This prevents you from getting a "hunger blow" or a blood sugar dip. Start with a healthy breakfast to get the day off to a good start.
Sleep 7-8 hours a night. You need to get enough sleep to function properly physically and emotionally. Sleep deprivation can cause all kinds of health problems, including an inability to manage your emotions properly. If you get enough sleep, you can better stay calm in tense situations.
- If you are having trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor about diet or lifestyle adjustments to improve your sleep quality. Maybe you can also try some (vegetable) sleep aids.
Try to laugh as much as possible. This can be difficult, especially if you are very upset. But smiling and laughing can improve your mood even when you feel angry, and laughter changes the chemical processes in your body that make you feel less angry. By laughing more every day you take yourself less seriously and you can better understand the humor of an unpleasant situation.
- Read some jokes or let your friends make you laugh. Watch a funny video.

Tips

Read a book. Reading can help calm you down quickly, especially if you force yourself to understand what you are reading.
Try to take a nap. Then the anger can blow over, and you may have forgotten it afterwards.